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October 9th, 2008 by MikeNOTE: This is the cold-turkey method. If you want to step yourself down off Adderall, check out How to Wean Yourself off Adderall
Table of Contents
- Phase 1: Prepare yourself. Get your head in the game.
- Phase 2: Crash landing. Your first 30 days without Adderall.
- Phase 3: Start volunteering some effort
- Phase 4: Obligate yourself to a little more work than you’re comfortable with
- Phase 5: Getting into your new life
- Disclaimers (after the fact): What this page is not.
- Epilogue: Who this page is for
Phase 1: Prepare yourself. Get your head in the game.
- Read this: Your Challenge
- Think of all the reasons you want to quit
- Understand why Adderall is evil, and what it is holding you back from
- Think of all those times you wished you could turn it off
- Answer this question: Why are you deciding to do this now?
- Realize that it’s time for this to end.
- Set up a reward for yourself: Put a seriously juicy carrot at the end of that first 30 days.
- For the love of God, and the sake of your relationship, warn your girlfriend or boyfriend. Tell them that you’re about to quit Adderall and let them know what they can expect and what they can do to help. Maybe even consider doing this on your own (at least read that post and think about it).
Phase 2: Crash landing. Your first 30 days without Adderall.
- Just do what you have to do to get through the day without taking a pill
- Kill time at every opportunity until the workday is over
- Do not try to push yourself
- Try not to feel guilty about slacking off. If slacking is the only way you can get through the first 30 days without a pill, then that’s the way it’s got to be.
- Do the absolute minimum (or lower if you have to) and go home
- The idea here is to get your body at least used to sitting at your desk (or whatever) for 8 hours or so without Adderall.
- Avoid any task that is really going to make you want to take a pill (e.g., particularly creative tasks)
- Do not push yourself at all until you’ve surpassed the 30 day goal unless you absolutely feel like it
- Don’t be an asshole. If somebody asks you to help out on something at work, figure out a way to get it done, even if it takes you forever and you do it way more half-assed than you would ever consider doing on Adderall.
- The whole idea is to basically sleep-walk yourself accross the 30 day mark
- After 30 days your chemical dependency should be over (it’s commonly accepted that it takes 2 weeks to 1 month for the brain to recover from chemical addiction). From here on out it’s a mental battle.
- Relevant post: Throw away your crutches. Now move.
- Relevant post: 5 Situations that will tempt you
- Relevant post: Cushion Your Crash Landing: Nutritional Needs After Adderall
Phase 3: Start volunteering some effort
- Start getting back in touch with your forgotten talents
- Set aside some time to really start using your creative abilities again (e.g., if you were a singer before Adderall maybe start jotting a couple lyrics down for 5 minutes a day).
- Go buy a copy of The Artist’s Way. It’s a rehabilitation guide for “blocked” artists…totally got me back on track as a writer. You can get it at Borders/Barnes & Nobel
- Start pushing yourself to get a little bit more done at your dreaded day job
- Design your own therapeutic actions and activities to help yourself overcome your hangups and shortcomings. Systematically address the things you don’t like about yourself. (See also: Slay the demons in the basement of your mind)
- Redefine your dream life for yourself. Start thinking about where you want to go next (job wise) and how you could start moving in that direction. Relevant posts: Finding your natural fit, Finding the “growth job” that comes before your “dream job”
- You can start with physical effort. A good exercise routine will help you immensely.
- Relevant Post: How to Beat Post-Adderall Weight Gain
Phase 4: Obligate yourself to a little more work than you’re comfortable with
- Add obligations to your life that require regular effort out of you AND ALSO move you in the direction of your goals
- For me, this meant enrolling in 2 college courses that would help me move towards a degree in my new dream career path
- Make sure these obligations are inescapable. Not being able to escape the work is part of what helps you grow in terms of rebuilding your ability to do work and get things done without Adderall.
- By now you should be taking several regular and frequent actions towards your “new self” goals and you should be functioning a bit better at your normal day job.
- This phase will stretch you in a good way
Phase 5: Getting into your new life
- Relevant Post: “Finding the growth job that comes before your dream job.“.
- The basic idea is to change your evironment totally so that it suits the new (the real) you and nurtures your growth as a person in the direction of every great dream you’ve had for your life.
- Once you cross the threshold into your new life — once you’ve arrived at the environment where your spirit can grow and play — you’re done (at least with quitting Adderall).
Disclaimers (after-the fact)
What this is not
I’m not going to tell you “Just quit cold turkey and get over it. It’s all in your head anyway. It’ll be kind of hard at first to do work and stuff, but you’ll get used to it…you just have to keep pushing and fighting the urge.” Because I know that for the long-time user it’s not “kind of hard”, it’s excruciating, tortourous, unbearable…to the point of almost gaurunteeing failure. If you can just put it down and immediately resume your normal productive activities through that kind of mental stress, then you’re either superhuman, or more likely: you haven’t been using Adderall long enough for this page to apply to you.
I’m also not going to tell you to slowly wean yourself off. Maybe that works for some people (and please post a comment if you have insight/experience there). If you want to be able to live the life you’re living now just without the pills, then maybe the wean-off/stepped-doses strategy is what you want. But I’m not a big fan of the “wean yourself off” method for anything, especially Adderall. For one thing, weaning yourself off of a long-time Adderall dependency would take forever to do right, and it would be such a relapse/error-prone process. But more than that, you don’t want to live the life you’re living now. You’re quitting because you want to return to who you were meant to be…why would you waste one more second faking and cheating who you are? You’re ready now. Messy as this may be, you’re not going to live a false life for one more day. The sooner you’re the real you again, the better. So let’s start now.
Epilogue: Who this page is for
You searched for this page because this task of quitting Adderall seems nearly impossible, and that makes you feel even more convicted, more lost, more damned. Maybe you’ve tried to quit before and failed. You may have quit other addictions in the past without much trouble, but this one is different. This one is so close to your heart and sense of identity…it’s been your secret shame for so long, and facing it seems like such a lonely battle that will cost you dearly (because so much of your life is dependent on it).
It is not impossible. It is much more doable than you think. Your feelings of being convicted, lost, and damned will be replaced by feelings of being true, on-track, and blessed. It is a lonely battle but the undeniable internal progress you notice will take the sting out of the disapproval of others. It will cost you dearly. You will pay a high price in terms of giving up things you think you hold dear right now. But you’re buying something with that high price. You’re buying back your soul. You’re buying back your destiny. You’re buying back all the dreams that might have been. And that is worth any amount.
how the hell are we supposed to support your writing and buy your books if we don’t know your last name. bio PLEASE/
Heh. No books yet. I’ll get a bio — or at least my story — up here eventually.
Wow! What you wrote above is ME to a tee. Same thoughts, feelings, fears. Been on Adderall for 7 years…up to 120 mgs a day now…first day of completely quitting starts tomorrow. I’m all out, so no options or temptations to use it. Have gone 3 days before without in the past, and it was hell. I’m scared what the next 30 days holds…praying and thanking God I found this site. It will help.
Hi Matt,
Your first 30 days will depend on your environment. Naturally, you’ll be sleeping a lot and completely unmotivated, but the amount of pressure you’re going to face is determined by what kind of obligations you’ve built up around you.
You must be prepared to lose everything. Except your soul, which will finally be your own once again.
Believe me, you will reach the point when it feels like your only choice is to go get your bottle refilled…like there’s a giant wave of obligation and duty and disapproval (of others) looming over your head and the only way to avoid its wrath is to pop a pill and swim away. What will separate this attempt to quit and make it permanent is that this time you’re not going to pop a pill and swim away. You’re going to let the wave crash on top of you.
I once read a book where a philosopher’s friend kept having a recurring dream of being chased by a vicious tiger. In the dream, the man would run and run and run, the tiger snapping at his heels, and then he would awake terrified in a cold sweat.
“What should I do?”, the man asked the philosopher. “The dream is always the same and I’m afraid to even go to sleep some nights”.
The philosopher thought for a moment and told his friend “Next time you have the dream, stop running. Turn and face the tiger and ask it why it is chasing you.”
So the man does this. Night comes and again there is the snarling tiger running towards him. But this time he stands still and does not run. He faces the tiger and asks him “Why are you chasing me?!”.
The tiger says, “I am your courage. Why do you run from me?”
It’s kind of like that.
The book I read this story in was Wild at Heart, btw.
Good luck, Matt. I’m here if you need me.
i read some great stuff here. i have to quit addurraal. it has turned me into a wired freak. i see pictures of myself and i look scarry. bean taking for about 6 years, but the first 5 were only on weekends for fun. now i take it everyday and i always take more then i am suppose to. i am so sick of worrying about not having it and lieing to my wife about how much i took. i have never bean a liar! this is not me! when these are gone, im telling my doctor the truth, too. its time. wish me luck and prayers (if you go for that sorta thing)
Hi Scott,
If your wife is concerned with how much you’re taking, then she’ll probably be pretty supportive of you quitting altogether. Her help in that will make this immensely easier on you. Those pictures of yourself will look a lot better when you quit Adderall and start feeling the urge to exercise again. 😉
You’re right: This is not you. Time to take your self back to your heart. Happy to hear you’re going to try it. Ask your wife for support and tell her the best thing she can give you is patience, understanding, and something warm and happy in an otherwise dark time. See if she’ll take on that challenge.
Good luck. Prayers too (I go for that sorta thing way more than I let on). 😉
Hello again. Well, I just wanted to share that I am having a much better than anticipated recovery from Adderall. I’m leaving this post in the hopes that someone who is “on the fence” upon quitting may read it and acquire hope. After taking Adderall daily for over two years (mainly the extended-release versions) and spending the last year consumed by guilt and indecision, coupled with at least one failed attempt at quitting, I know I’m done this time. I left a couple lengthy messages under the “Never Touch Adderall” section so I will omit details here of my struggle with Adderall. But I do want to share the way I’ve gone about quitting this time. Besides the mandatory pre-requisite of being 100% committed to getting off this for your own sake (you have to really want it; can’t be half-assed about it), I think “stepping down” the dose is the best way to quit. I found the symptoms of “cold turkey” to be so unbearable that I would break down. I stepped down rather quickly (over the course of 4-5 weeks). I dumped out the Vyvanse capsules in the trash and kept only enough for my step down plan.
Today is the 8th consecutive day I’ve gone without Adderall. I was so afraid/expecting to be bed-ridden/utterly miserable at this point. I am amazed to see how OK I am! I have increased my exercise to help replace the missing endorphins and to avoid gaining all kinds of weight. I think that helps. I even had several Vyvanse capsules left that I threw out although I could have used them and prolonged the “step down” period. I chose not to.
Today I actually felt happy, in fact, which is very odd. I am wondering if it’s a coincidence that the last 24 hours have been the first 24 hour period in years I have gone without a drug in my system (either Adderall or a sedative). I’ve suffered migraines, depressive side effects, a whole range of negative side effects from either of these two prescriptions I had going.
The important bit is that I FEEL FINE and I was NOT expecting this at all. Sure, I sit with my coffee to get me going in the morning (did that even w/Adderall) and I don’t have the same energy but what I DO have is peace of mind – far more valuable commodity.
Hello, my name is Kayden i’m 18 i live in Salt Lake City Utah. And in a few weeks i’m joining the military. They do not allow medications in basic training so i was forced to attempt quiting, i’ve tried several methods to quit with little result, all i can say for certain is that if your addicted to this awful stuff “Cold Turkey” is the only way to go. Because weeinig will just make you want more every time you take a minute dose plus my withdrawl symptoms were dreadful but only lasted about five days. First off let me just say your comments make me feel like i’m not alone for the first time so thank you. Here is my story, i’ve had severe ADHD my whole life And it went untreated until half way through high school. Then one day i was prescribed Adderall, and for the FIRST TIME my thoughts weren’t racing, i could complete simple tasks, I actually did my assigned homework higher then the techers expectations, I was receiving praise by teachers and parents, even discovered I was considered to possess “Above Average” abilities in Launguage/Writing and computers, also fearless to approach anyone and start a conversastion. For the first time i felt like i found my place amongst “normal people”. But, suddenly, Without warning i developed an extremely high tolerance to the subtance and was dissapointed when i didn’t feel that “Rush” anymore. So instead of requesting a higher dose i just experimented with taking more then the once daily 10MG i was prescribed. It worked but just like last time i lost my buzz quickly. Long story short, four months later i had coaxed my doctor into prescribing one of the highest dosages available which was the 30MG xr twice daily. And just like before i wasn’t taking the recommended dose. Before long i would have to take over 120MG xr just to get out of bed and some what funtion normally plus overdosed more then once. I was also diagnosed whith Manic Depressive(or Bi Polar), Insomnia, a mild case of Paranoid Skitsofrenia, Agoraphobia, Xerophobia, Arythmia, Chronic Contipation and shortly became an Under weight, Antisocial chain-smoking high school drop out Asshole with a horrible hygiene and an even worse attitude i was one of the worst cases they had seen. I lost the trust and company of my friends and family not to mention my physical and mental health were down the drain. So please quit ASAP if i can do it i’m sure you can to, its easy as long as you have at least one person to help and understand you and you’ve removed ALL triggers, no more “one mor time” or “i can quit tommorow” it starts today.
Thank you for who ever read this if they do, its nice to be listned to once in a while.
Hi Kayden!
Thanks so much for sharing your story. I think you’ll find military life a bit more appealing to your natural sense of adventure. I’ve heard several times that ADD people make great cops and soldiers.
Remember that those above-average abilities you have in writing and computers (and plenty of other things, I’m guessing) are part of you, not the pills. But talents often require a dose of passion to really shine. Adderall lets you fake that passion and bring those talents out a little. Your challenge now will be finding the trigger that brings those talents out of you naturally. The military may well be a step towards that for you.
Soon you will have a great adventure for a day job…you’ll be surprised how that will remove the need for a crutch like Adderall. You’ve made a right decision (to quit and join the military) very early in life. From this day forward your future will grow brighter and brighter. Enjoy it.
I’ve heard that Add/Adhd persons make great cops to, i think its beacause most of us(with Add)need a heavily structured enviorment to thrive which is why i chose the army. I always thought it was the pills that i inherited the talents from, but i see now that it’s just not true. As much as i preached about quiting adderall in my last comment, i relapsed today…i fill lousy. The reason is i have the military placement test (ASVAB) coming up and i wanted to ensure a high score by relentlessly studying the test materials which is where Adderall came in. Do you have any personal advice on how to prevent another mental/physical downward spiral that ends with completly depending on Adderall(aside from the guidlines on this site and others)?
Thanks for the reply,
your friend Kayden.
I also have a few more questions. Can Adderall abuse cause things such as decrease in sex drive or blury vison or a decrease in short term memory capacity? Because i experince all of these when i’m on it. Also what are a few lesser known or seldomly published yet harmful common/uncommon side effects related to use of this drug? And have you heard the buzz on Canada’s effort in trying to take adderall off the market? they have specialized attorneys just for people who have suffered due to taking it!
Sorry so many comments,
Kayden.
i can’t believe i was lucky enough to stumble on this site. i have spent countless hours in the wee hours of the morning googling justifications for taking this drug in law school, vitamins to help with withdrawal, etc… my friends, my family, they have no idea how much i am really dependent on this medication. i managed to finagle a prescription and can easily get it every month.
from where i am now, i cannot believe i got through my first year of law school without it…and that is by far the hardest year. for some reason, my second year i took it almost every day. i started blogging, i started all this stuff…but honestly i know i could have done that stuff without the drugs because the person i was before i started taking adderall was super energetic, interested in all things… and full of life. yeah, maybe she took naps, but she didn’t stay up for 4 hours drinking wine and smoking cigarettes to curb the anxiety she felt from taking too many pills and she didn’t wake up late every morning feeling like her world was going to end. she didn’t feel guilty every time she hit the ignore button her cell phone because she didn’t feel like taking to anyone except her laptop. she worked out, ate healthy (mostly..haha) and generally loved life.
what started as a brain steroid to mask insecurities turned into a full blown secret life of addiction and torment.
i am so happy i came across this site because it makes so much sense and is so real. i literally am writing this after i threw a bottle of like 50 20mg pills into the toilet. i tossed them because of the site. i’ve tried to hide them from myself and tried to “ween” (which in my opinion, is just a method for delaying withdrawal symptoms that are going to happen anyhow) off of the drug. i am a little scared about how i am going to feel tomorrow, i am starting my first day of my last year of law school and was basically banking on the meds… until i found this blog.
i hope to god i feel the same way you all have that posted your stories and that i have the strength to get past this stupid mental addiction that has caused more harm than good.
from my reading, it seems we are all very smart, highly energetic people that probably wanted a leg up in some aspect of our lives. for me, adderall was a way to make me feel smarter than some of my classmates; i called it anxiety but it was really more a sad excuse to get a buzz and try to make myself feel like i was above some of my peers academically. when i look back, i can’t pinpoint any one accomplishment to a 20mg pill. what i can do is list a number of times i have failed people in some respect because i was late to an event or too physically exhausted to give it my all.
thank you so much to the author of this blog and to everyone else that shared their stories. please keep the sentiment going strong. there are a lot of talented and driven people like ourselves who made this same mistake and need a forum to share their experiences.
thanks and good luck to everyone.
Hi Kayden,
Huh. I can see your point about the structured environment of military/police life being good for the ADD person. I always thought that ADD people made good cops and soldiers because those jobs provide daily environments that are stimulating in ways that no office job can match…and that’s what I think the ADD brain needs…stimulation. It’s when it’s under-stimulated that it gets distracted and unfocused.
In any case, you’ll get plenty structure and plenty of mental stimulation in the military.
Now that you’ve relapsed at least you can learn from it: You relapsed because there was a big task that you needed to do well on and didn’t think you could do it without Adderall. So you caved. Now you feel lousy because of the guilt. Now you’ve passed this placement test. It should be a while before something like that comes back again. But even if something comes up, you cannot cave again. You have to do what you can without Adderall. Even if you don’t do as well. Just get through it. The sooner you start your recovery the better. There will never be a “right time” to quit Adderall. There will always be big important tasks that come up. You’ll never be able to quit until you learn to face those.
You cannot prevent the mental/physical downward spiral. It will happen again and again. It will get shorter and softer with time, and eventually go away. The only thing you can change is what happens at the bottom of that downward spiral. Right now you hit bottom and take a pill. You must learn to sit on the bottom of the spiral until you can start climbing up again. You have to face the spiral in all its stages, and hold strong until it passes. As daunting as a task may seem, there is always a non-Adderall way through it. If it comes down to “the task vs. your decision to quit”, let the task die and face the consequences…it’s better than going back to the pill.
On a personal note, I remember my first big task that I had to complete without Adderall. I was supposed to write a series of scripts for a new batch of training videos (training videos for the software product my Adderall-self had programmed and designed much of). Now, you’d think, being naturally geared towards writing, that having an assignment to write a script for a video covering a product I knew better than the back of my hand would be pretty easy.
But it wasn’t. It was hell.
I tried everything. I would stare at the screen and nearly cry with frustration. I would bring my laptop to work and try to go outside and write them. Nothing came. I just couldn’t bring myself to produce them. I would start to type but trying to focus was like strangling my brain.
Eventually, I took a day and told my boss I was going to work from home on the scripts. After napping and procrastinating and several false starts, I finally got it in my head that I needed something to show for my time at home. I couldn’t say I was working from home and not have any work completed. I had to type something. And somehow I got from that to the thought “screw it, I’m just going to stop trying to make this an epic script and just step through the product interface dryly and without emotion, so I don’t have to think about it”. Worked like a charm. Scripts done in no time.
This story of illustrative of a key conflict you will face when quitting Adderall: Your brain still wants to be a perfectionist, but your will and focus will no longer comply to that desire (as they do on Adderall). So you have this giant, head-exploding pressure between your desire to do a great job and your complete inability to do anything above a mediocre job. You have to become OK with mediocre jobs for a while…until you build your back to great jobs.
The only
@Kayden
Yes on all counts. I think the decreased sex drive is a combination of the increased blood flow to the head that Adderall (and away from other body parts) and the kind of thinking you have on Adderall. The say idle hands are the devil’s playground. Well, on Adderall you are never idle…so the devil doesn’t get to play. In this analogy the devil is sexual naughtiness.
Blurry vision can be the Adderall itself, but usually tends to come more as a symptom of the sleep deprivation that the Adderall produces. I used to see digital clocks jiggle. Generally, if your vision is getting really blurry you should drink some water and eat something. And don’t take any more doses. Blurry vision can also be a symptom of you taking too much.
Short term memory loss can occur on Adderall and can remain after you quit for some time. Some theories say that Adderall deteriorates your frontal lobe, which can reduce your working memory. I think it also has something to do with how Adderall affects your thinking patterns. On Adderall you’re constantly zooming in…constantly forgetting what the whole picture looks like as you get farther and farther zoomed-in. That pattern/habit fails to exercise your short term memory the way normal thinking does. In any case, your short term memory can be rebuilt if you work at it….after you quit Adderall.
Reader David (comment on the Quitting Adderall FAQ page) mentions that Adderall increases the blood sugar in the brain and caused him to put on fat in odd ways. I’d never seen that before but it makes sense.
No I hadn’t heard about that. Wow. Cool. Maybe I could be an expert witness! lol.
Really though, I don’t hold the pharmecuitical companies responsible. I blame the lazy doctors who have become little more than educated drug-dealers, and the patients for accepting the quick fixes so readily in the first place. Note that I include myself as one of those patients.
Hello,
Tke a look if you don’t already know, about the drug called PRISTIQ. Is it just me, or does it sound like i mild version of Adderall. Its new on the market.
http://www.PRISTIQ.com
Last night was my breaking point with the adderall. I had a calculus test today, and for 2 days straight I binged out on those little pills, actually thinking that if I didn’t take them, I would ultimately fail out of college. Well long story short, my plan completely backfired when by day 2 the effects of it wore off due to my tolerance and instead of focusing diligently I started to actually confuse myself because I took too much. By the time it was 11 pm, I had a headache that was so intense my head felt like it was going to explode, I was so on edge that one tiny wrong move from anyone and I was ready to fight, and just the overall ‘cracked-out’ feeling. Last night was the first time in my life I was seriously seeing how bad this stuff was for me.
I started taking adderall my sophomore year of college, right after I lost my scholarship (I was desperate to get it back) and after taking a summer course and just NOT being able to focus,no matter what. So my sister and I finally convinced my mom to let us go to the psychiatrist to get some study pills. She was very against it until she saw my hours of studying with nothing really to show for it. Looking back, I could have completely avoided the next 2 years of hell if I had just been a better student, but when we are young and stupid, instant gratification is where it’s at.
By the end of the school year I had raised my GPA from a sad 2.6 to 3.1. Of course I gave all the credit to the adderall, but I could have accomplished that on my own if I had the drive. I’m smart, I just doubt myself too much. Anyways, that summer I didn’t take any classes because I was so burned out after finals that I even spent the entire week after just bumming around doing nothing. I even became a little depressed I think. Of course I never for a second thought that adderall was the reason, I thought that I had just been working so hard that my body needed rest. NO ONE needs that much rest unless they’re on something. So that summer I didn’t take adderall at all, since I wasn’t in school and I was trying to gain some weight back. That summer I remember I was depressed A LOT and I had horrible mood swings. The summer before that, pre-adderall, I was a happy little girl with no worries in the world. I dated lots of guys and when one didn’t work I never ever got upset, I just moved on. These days, it’s like a death occured if I get rejected. Basically self esteem=NONE.
I started using it again when school started back up and it went well until mid-October when I started binging on it again. It got so bad that my mom had to take me to the doctor because it started to hurt to even eat. I was hardly sleeping. I even got so sick from destroying my body the day of my accounting final that I failed it, after trying sososo hard and making all A’s the entire semester.. in the end I got a B, which is good, but not when you bust your butt all year and then ONE lousy test brings all your hard work down. The next day when I went to the doctor, I weighed in at 95 pounds! That is Nicole Richie status, NOT healthy. So they blood tested me, and I was so dehydrated that my blood stopped and they had to switch arms. After I stood up I started throwing up everywhere from the dehydration and blood drawing. The nurses wouldn’t let me leave the hospital since I drove there. I had an IV in arm for 5 hours feeding me nutrients. Needless to say that was the end of THAT addiction, or so I thought.
Of course I relapsed a few times after that, but only for hard exams.. I never took it more than 2 times a week after that until last week. I took it for 4 days straight due to extreme fatigue, and school had just started so I didn’t want to slack off. Well day 5 came and I crashed like no other. I slept for A WEEK straight, and when I went out and a had a few drinks, they next day was hell. Then I took it again 2 days ago for 2 days straight, leading me to google “How to quit adderall” and end up here.
Today I took a test without taking adderall. I only drank coffee in the morning, and it seemed to be enough to keep me alert. My concentration seemed to be fine too. I realized that it REALLY isn’t the adderall that was making me smart, it was ME. Adderall just made me feel smarter faster, as opposed to taking time to really sit and learn material naturally. In life that is how things are done, not with speed pills. My best friend goes to one of the best schools in the country, has never taken adderall, and never drinks coffee. She has a 4.0 gpa. If she can do it, I can do it. She works her a** off, and I think it’s time to REALLY apply myself, not just pop a pill last minute and call it a day.
@Alina
Thanks for sharing your story! You sound like you’ve really got your brain on the right track to quit. Now comes the action part.
@Kayden
PRISTIQ sounds more like a typical antidepressant. From what I know those don’t speed you up so much as pep your mood up. Just as Adderall shoves all your focus juice to the front of your brain, antidepressants shove your heart up in your chest and hold your spirits up. Adderall does that too to a certain extent, but the affect is different. Kind of like if you just cut out the euphoria part of taking a lot of Adderall.
I am a nine year adderall user. After reading what you wrote, I just flushed my pills and I’m prepared to begin the tough process of quitting this s**t cold turkey.
I am writing to express my sincere gratitude to you for posting this site. You provide an extremely accurate description of the drug itself and the fears people go through preventing them from quitting this dangerous drug. I sincerely hope I’ll have the strength to quit and get my life back to reality.
My fear is I will revert back to the bad qualities I had before I started taking the drug. What I am reminding myself is I need to be able to see what life is like without the drug to ever make a true decision whether the benefits of a life on adderall outweigh the costs. Deep down I know that if I have the strength to stay away from these pills, the answer will become clear.
I think there are a growing number of people who live under the negative effects of this drug but are afraid to quit b/c they don’t believe they can succeed without it. You have a great way of making it clear that mentality is totally wrong. This is going to be a heck of a struggle because I know I’m going to try talking myself into going back to the drug. It’s hard for me not be succesful and there will be times where going adderall-free will require a sacrifice. Adderall sorta reminds me of “mental steroids” where the user is taking the easy way without regard to the long-term consequences. In the end, that mentality always leaves the person regretting they did not work toward their goals the right way. I am going to read these posts everytime I have that conflict and-with a little luck-I can get my life back together.
Keep up the good work! I It’s good to see that a lot of people posting before had the same reaction as myself. I wish you the best of luck with your site.
@DarylStrawberry
Congrats on flushing your pills! Your journey has just begun now. It’s a rough one, but there are plenty of rewards along the way to keep you committed (if you look for them).
As you guessed, Quitting Adderall will take your life back to reality. But reality is not always a pleasant thing (until you finish your mission to make it so). You may well have to come face to face with those bad qualities you had before you started taking the drug. And they have been festering this whole time, so you’ll find them worse than when you left them. There will be times when you feel like nothing more than a sum of your worse qualities….all the things you liked about yourself flushed down that toilet with your pills. You’ll have to learn to weather through these times.
Remember that this time, without the pills, when you get over and conquer one of your bad qualities…you do it for real. It’s permanent. That’s a wonderful feeling….to be able to look down and see that you’ve made real, lasting progress towards being a better, stronger person…and that you’re standing on an achievement made of brick…that it is yours for life and nothing will take it away.
You’ve got your head in the right place it sounds like. You seem pretty aware of what’s coming. And I totally agree with your mental steroids analogy. If you think of a bodybuilder whose standing in the gym for the first time after quitting steroids…staring at that weight bench…having to put on 1/5th the weight he’s used to and still struggling…it can be a pride-swallowing process…but once he builds those muscles back, they’re his for real…this time.
Come back and post your progress! Looking forward to hearing more from you.
My entire life I have always known that my attention span was not the same as my 4 other siblings. Eventually in high school my mother had testing done on me and it was confirmed that I have ADD. Next thing i knew I was at college with ritalin…… What was a wonder drug at first turned into CONSTANT abuse. Eventually after tons of damage I was off of it. Years went by and I found myself at work wanting so badly to stay focused but unable to. I knew that a “magic pill” wasn’t the answer but I gave in and got an adderall prescription. (I am back at college and am graduating at 27) Suddenly I saw that I was able to master all of my projects but still deep down it made me sick with guilt because I was relying on a pill. As the weeks went on I began taking more when the come down happened and my brain was getting fuzzy, and I was not in the mood to deal with people, and knew from the outside i looked “tweeked.” I am very happy I found this site because I was never a fan of weening either. If I weened myself off then it’d be the same old battle….. “I need a pill I’m coming down…….just this last time…..” The guilt and shame kills me because deep down I know better. I think it is insane because people are so quick to say “well if you don’t abuse it you’re fine..” But even the people who don’t abuse have to take a pill or multiple (cause we all know tolerance is key to the addiction)times a day. Think about that… In order for these people (myself included) to start and end a day…. they NEED to take their meds. What’s even scarier is the way you ignore reality. The way you do not want to communicate with others because you’re in your own anti-social zone.I am starting the cold turkey process today and am not looking forward to being in my body and head….. but after reading this site I realize it is what I must do to get better. Day 1…….. here I go. Thank you everyone for your posts!
@Jen
Good luck. It sounds like you are very much like the rest of us – you know what the deal is and it is just hard to quit. We all know whatsup – that we don’t need it, that the returns are diminishing, and like you said, we feel guilty cause we know better.
I have tried to quit and slipped up a few times, but I’m definitely getting better; moreso because of this site. I think you should definitely come back and share your progress cause it helps all of us get better. I just found this site myself but knowing others are out here has taken a giant weight off of my shoulder. I was living in shame and secrecy for so long and really got disconnected from society.
The other day I made this mental checklist of what I thought were the best things I’d accomplished. The biggest and the best had absolutely nothing to do with Adderal; some of the smaller things maybe, but that was just happenstance. I know they would have gotten done.
Aside from being a total skeeve and social recluse, Adderal has quite an effect on your self-esteem…and not in a good way. You think you get so much accomplished on it that those small successes would eventually come together and make you feel great. But, they never quite gel. Why? Because you feel like nothing when you are off of it; you feel so crappy that anything you accomplished due to the Adderal that there are no bricks to build your self-esteem. No self-esteem=take a pill to get something done so you feel better about yourself. Wake up, do it again. It’s like a snowball effect.
@Mike
I just realized I’ve been a bit paternalistic in my last few comments. I hope you don’t think I am stealing your thunder, it is just that this site is so great because it allows me to get things out that I have been holding in for waaaay to long. Also, just curious – were you actually diagnosed with ADHD or ADD? I’m just wondering cause it seems some people just manage to get their hands on them and others have been medicated since they were like 5.
Thanks again Mike.
@Veronica
Not at all! The more the merrier! Please, be paternalistic. Your comments are great and the site is better for them. Keep going! Knowing that I have great commenters like you makes me realize that I can loosen up the reins a bit on comment replies and focus on other aspects of the site.
As to your question: I was definitely the “managed to get my hands on it” type. I was eventually prescribed Adderall legitimately, but I don’t know that I would call “getting an easy doctor to give me the pills I wanted” the same as “being officially diagnosed”. I never had to go through the lengthy diagnosis process that some people had to go through.
THANKS I HAVE QUIT THIS SPAWN OF SATAN!
Hey, I realized that I dont have ADD but I was trying to self medicate
my depression. My doctor thought I had ADD. Until I searched Adderall abuse and how some of the stories and symptoms are similar to whats happening to me I decided to quit outright. I only took about 60mg per day for two months, does this mean that my recovery period is significantly shortened
Hi Nemi,
60mg is kind of a high daily dose, but your brain should still chemically recover in 2weeks-1month.
Your emotional recovery will probably be much faster than most others on this site since you didn’t let Adderall warp your reality for too long….your sense of normalcy is still anchored to where you’ve spent the most time — in sober world. So you should rebound pretty quickly.
I’d expect the depression to come back though. You’ll still need to find a way to fix that. It can be done.
I’ve been taking adderallxr for the past 5 or 6 yrs (could be more idk). However recently I decided to go on a diet w/ success at the beginning of the year (53 pounds to date). However I have been wanting to go off the medicine for sometime now, long before this diet has started. I should also mention I’ve never abused this drug EVER! My question is, is that will quitting or just getting used to a smaller dose for that matter, be even more difficult now that I’ve lost weight?
Thanks,
Gerry
Hi Gerry,
OK, I’m just positing a wild theory here, but if you’re still at your normal dose and you’ve lost weight, then in theory the Adderall should be affecting you slightly more than normal because of the lower body mass to dosage ratio. So if you start weaning yourself off, you’re going to be starting from a higher-than-normal point, which will make it slightly easier on you than if you quit from dead normal at the higher weight.
I doubt it will be at all noticeably different, but technically I’d say it would be slightly easier to quit/step-down after losing weight, but only because you are in some respects upping your dose by losing the weight and keeping the pill intake the same. So you’re starting higher than normal and going through normal to get down.
Really though, I don’t think it’s going to matter. I wouldn’t factor weight loss/gain into your decision. It’s going to be difficult either way, and the effect I’m theorizing is probably so tiny that it’s irrelevant.
All,
Don’t give up!! I feel like I don’t have much room to comment on here being that I’m only 9 days clean, HOWEVER, IF you’ve ever tried to quit and gone back to adderall, please hear me out….it will only get worse.
Ok, so maybe I don’t know much about much, but I think I understand the concept of “Disease” today. Speaking from personal experience alone, I believe addiction is one of physical, psychological, and emotional. These pills turned me into a freaking monster. I became habituated to the following routine:
1. Get refill
2. Do everything I hadn’t accomplished off the pills for the previous week b/c I would run out a week early (usually a 1.5 – 2 day binge of popping a pill every 3-4 hours, chain smoking, chugging water, coffee, whatever while cleaning like a crazy person, chores, working from home, reorganizing every cabinet, room or whatever I could get my hands on. Oh and shopping was out of control…spend money like CRAZY! Last but not least, neglecting friends/family/lovers for all of the above.
3. Drink/smoke pot heavily to come down and sleep….usually would go to sleep about 3-6am on a good night recently.
4. Sleep 3-4 hours tops a night
5. Wake up pop pill to cure hangover
6. Continue this manic OCD behavior for work, chores, and life strategies until pills ran out.
7. Sleep and become zombie after pills ran out for days and days.
8. Get prescription refilled, pattern repeat.
The funny thing about this insanity is that after stopping this time (because I was seriously FINALLY ready and HIT ROCK BOTTOM) I realized my life was a thousand times harder living that way. I used to come home after work late, clean my apartment, work until 3am from home, drink a million beers, go to bed at 6am, and then wake up at 9am and scramble to make it to work on time. My apartment would be an utter wreck by that time from the party I created at 3am all by myself. That’s nuts, right?!
I started this new routine. I go to bed at 11pm every night. I get 8 hours of sleep. I wake up and workout. Take a shower. Read and have plenty of relaxation before going to work at noon. I clean up when I get home and go to bed. I’m living a NORMAL life finally!!! I’m HAPPIER than I’ve been in years!
Those pills consumed me! They tricked me into thinking I was NOTHING without them. I am SO much BETTER OFF without them. It took an entire week of sleeping non-stop before I had energy again, but THANK GOD I’m finally free of this horrible obsession. I’m so freaking happy to have serotonin, be able to smile and laugh again. It’s the best feeling ever!
I think establishing a new routine and breaking the old one has been the biggest help of all (along with this website of course). 🙂
I was reading through this site earlier and couldn’t help but wonder how many of those who’ve posted here are still free of adderall? Is there any way to start a chat room or message board on here, Mike? Just a thought because I think it helps to talk to others going through the same problem.
Good night everyone!
Erin
My grandson has been on adderall for 2 years maybe more and last week he threw the pills away. Right now he is sleeping alot and is very angry. I live 2000 miles from him so I can’t just stop over at his house and help him. I try to encourge him and I am so proud of him for stopping this stuff. He has lost alot weight and I’m worried about his health. I sent him this link but I don’t know if he opened his e-mail and checked it out. I don’t know how to help him/encourge him. He’s been taking some nature vitimins that are suppose to replace tha adderall and claims they work. Any Help is greatly appreciated. I pray all of the time for him.
Kathy
I was hook on adderall 3 years ago……all i have to say is that adderall had ruined my relationship with everybody even the girl i love the most, my brain chemistry, everything about my life…i was snorting it……. am so tired of living up to everybody expectation. i don’t care if i have Cs in class, at least i was happy……………………………….thank you sooo much for this site, i found it through this video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sm4SxFzdLu8
@ERIN
You sound awesome! I’m so happy it’s working out for you this time. Also: Message board on the way, probably next week. I think this site finally has enough traffic to support it.
BTW: Let me know if you want to channel some of that zeal into an article or two. 🙂
@Kathy
Let him sleep, let him vent off all of his anger. Stopping by his house and trying to help most likely wouldn’t do much good anyway. An Adderall user is often a slave to the people and the expectations that he feels obligated to (real or imagined). When quitting Adderall, family members trying to intervene and help can sometimes remind him of his obligations to you (i.e., he wants to please you and make you happy, but right now that is a burden for him that may only frustrate him because he suddenly falls short of who he wants to be for you).
So basically: You’re doing the right thing by just encouraging him from afar. That’s really the best thing you can do right now. Send him some of those vitamins he likes. Bake him cookies. Send him a Netflix Subscription or buy him a video game that he wants. Anything that will give him immediate pleasure and get his happy chemicals flowing and give him something to do with his time other than think about how much he wants his pills back. As a grandmother, you are probably a professional at sending sweet gifts in the mail. So do your thing!
Above all though, the fact that you support him will something to him, whether he ever acknowledges or not. So many people won’t understand what he’s going through. His true friends will say “way to go man…I’m proud of you.” These positive voices will keep him from doubting the sanity of his decision.
Anyhow, good luck. You sound like you’re doing a great job already. And remember: When in doubt, bake cookies!
@SADman
You’ve got it! Screw the expectations of the world/everyone else. Start establishing your own. The next challenge will be holding yourself to your new expectations, and not both. As in, don’t fall into the trap of just adding new expectations. You have to replace the old ones. You can’t get stuck thinking “well, I’m succeeding at all the goals I set personally, but that means nothing because I still feel like I’m failing in the eyes of the world”. It’s either your goals OR “their” expectations. Pick one and drive for it fully.
And thanks for telling me about that YouTube video! Not only did you give me some post material, but that marks the first time I’m seen somebody link to me from a YouTube video. Totally made my day!
I (ab)used adderall for 11 years, prescribed 80 mg each day, but taking about 140-160 mg. This year I’ve been trying desperately to quit and have had ups and downs, picking up and putting down the stimulant.
It’s at least some comfort to look at these stories and to see, over and over again, that I’m far from alone in this struggle. (why does everyone seem to run out of their script 2 weeks early, regardless of how many scripts they’ve managed to obtain??)
Anyway, I’ve been clean for 31 days. So I’m well acquainted with the endless mental fogginess and physical lethargy.
But I was wondering if anyone who has stopped taking adderall after long-term use has experienced the excruciating discomfort in their arms and legs? It’s not so much pain, but a sensation that makes me want to stretch my muscles constantly, and I do end up stretching alot throughout the day. The relief stretching provides is fleeting, at best, and I’m getting very tired of that activity. I’ve suspected it may be some distant relative of Restless Leg Syndrome, which I read could be caused by a lack of dopamine–and I know dopamine packed up and left my brain once I stopped taking adderall. So has anyone else dealt with this? Any suggestions?
John
Hi,
I have been taking adderall for over three years now. It was prescribed to me by my doctor because I wasn’t able to focus in my college courses. Although I was skeptical, I filled my prescription and liked what I was seeing. I was getting better grades (graduated with honors) and started to drop some weight. I lost about 15-20 pounds. I have never been a believer in taking drugs, but I can’t seem to find the strength to stop. My husband and I are thinking of starting a family and I know I don’t want to do that until I am off the adderall.
I am scared. I am scared that if I quit it will make me gain weight and become unfocused. I feel like it speeds up my metabolism and gets me going. I know how shallow that sounds and how shallow it is to base my decision on that, but that is the truth. I am finally telling the truth. I am looking for any insight on this, because I don’t want to be on this anymore for “more focus” and “weight control”. I want my more social self back.
Hi Alicia,
Thanks for the comment. Pregnancy gives you the perfect occasion to quit. It’s the one time in your life when people expect you to be unfocused and fat. The hardest tasks to accomplish without Adderall are heavily creative/complex mental tasks. Feeding and caring for your baby should be no problem after just quitting Adderall. Building the crib might be an issue for a while though. 🙂
As far as quitting before the baby: Yes it’s going to make you unfocused, but it doesn’t have to make you gain weight (at least not permanently). See Lilah’s excellent article on how to beat post-Adderall weight gain.
We’ve had more than a few comments on here from new mothers going through the quitting process. Andrea, Laura, and Ashley, and Sarah come to mind. The comments are all over the place though. I really need to set up a forum so you guys can all just have an “Adderall and pregnancy” topic. 🙂
@Joe
The arm/leg pain thing could be an adjustment to spending more time in the horizontal. As of one week ago, I had been on a similarly high dosage for 8+ years continually. I have all sorts of new aches and stiff joints but I attribute all of these to the fact that I’ve been spending twice as much time lying in bed. I’m sure things will normalize given time.
52 Days off of the pill now…good, but still the legs are killing me. I’ve started doing more workouts, especially outdoors training like bolder climbing and such to work all the leg muscles. Still, especially at night, my legs feel like they have a mind of their own…I know I’m not alone on that. Mike says after 30 days its a mental game…I’m definitely not on the same page. If it’s supposed to be a mental game now, then it would have been a mental game after 5 days clean…How long does it take the dopamine to start aflowin’ again?
John (somehow listed as Joe before)
John (formerly known as Joe:)
That’s awesome you’re still off. Me too. It’s a good thing without doubt, but also strange feeling to have all things physical and mental reconfigure themselves. Strange indeed. Maybe your ‘restless leg syndrome’ is just temporary as your body adjusts. Maybe it’s a coincidence unrelated to quitting adderall. As far as dopamine is concerned, I’d relax about it. The brain chemistry was thrown off cycle but it will normalize given time. Right? I just rather assume this and try my patience than mention any unbalanced dopamine to a doctor. Have you sought medical advice regarding the leg pain? Hopefully it resolves itself for you either way.
S
i started taking adderall in the 8th grade as a d’s and f’s student. i was always in the principals office getting written up for being the class clown. always tapping my hands on my desk and trying to be the center of attention. one day this girl told me i needed something to calm me down and she gave me a 10mg adderall. that day i did so good in class and didnt get in trouble at all. i couldnt sleep that night and i thought it was because i was not acting a fool all day and i actually did my homework. then i got prescribed to it. made a’s and b’s till i graduated high school. i taught myself how to play the guitar and i also did alot of art. i had mood swings and sleepless nights, loss of appetite, but i smoked bud to counteract those side affects. i joined the army 2 years ago and went to iraq in 2008. of course i lied to get in and told the government that i never took any prescriptions. i quit cold turkey for 13 weeks in boot camp and i wasent a big deal. i was a shitbag in basic and i got stronger because of it. when i went to the MOS training i was back in a classroom and my folks sent me my prescription xr 30mg. i excelled. i then deployed to iraq and the army gave me 2 120 day bottles of 30xr.i started reading stephen king novels, i never cared about reading anything in my life. i came home for a year and baught a piano and taught myself that too. however, i pused away everyone i loved and drank a 5th of whiskey a day for 6 months. i craved it on adderall. now im in afghanistan and the army gave me my prescription again. its not hard to take more than im supposed to when were always working. it helps me focus. now the medics are on to me and i think they are going to take me off of it. i just recently had a son and i dont want to be a zombie when i get home. i kinda want to be myself and be able to go to bed without being drunk or taking 7 advil pm’s but i feel like if i quit taking it im going to be freakin worthless at my job. i wont want to play music ever again. im still to this day reading books and i know if i quit ill be tired all the time and i can forget reading. ive been looking online to see if i can buy it somewhere and get it shipped here but i dont know if i should just quit for good now. im undecided but both has pros and cons. i wish i would have never started taking it. it scares the shit out of me to think i wont have it anymore to wake up or help me focus and be calm all the time.
this post is awesome- it is the no bullshit way that doctors need to tell you when you ask them about quitting this crazy drug.
Watch BBC’s Planet Earth, Disc 1, Wolf chasing the baby Caribou.
Perhaps mother nature is trying to tell us something…
When the full grown wolf is chasing the baby Caribou, at breakneck speed, notice as long as the baby Caribou does not loose its footing the wolf will give up after 1 mile. The baby Caribou wins despite the fully grown natural born killer pursuing it. This is all about the value of believing in yourself. You are the Caribou. Adderall is the Wolf. This is what this means. All the pain in the Caribou’s body says to stop and take a breather, so why doesn’t the Caribou stop and rest? Cuz its objective outweighs its pain. If it lets its pain check its flight it will not live to see tommorow. But if it deals with/ puts the pain “elsewhere” and pays the ‘price of living’ the wolf will break away from the intrepid baby Caribou for more lazy prey. And keep in mind the Caribou has no idea when the wolf will stop chasing it, it only knows that it must be at the top of its game or its going to be a goner, devoured by its problem.
“If one goes confidently in the direction of his dreams, and sets out to live the life he has imagined, he will meat with a success unexpected in common hours… Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the Life you have Imagined.”
-Henry David Thoreau, in “Walden”
Also on Disc 1
“All animals rare or common ultimately draw there energy from the sun.”
-if your quitting adderall be like the baby Caribou who just a few feet away from the literal jaws of death, knows his only danger is loosing his footing. He knows the importance of not giving up.
Friends it is no different getting off adderall, only different in your mind. Just because you cannot see the wolf chasing you does not mean you can afford to loose your footing in this regard.
sit yourself down and draw a line in the sand. Decide once and for all where you stand. are you going to fight or run? I hope you decide to fight. I know you will win.
“To him true joy doth bring, who is taught by suffering”
You are faster than the wolf. You can outrun the Wolf.
YOU CAN STOP TAKING ADDERALL
WILLPOWER: A force that makes fate powerless.
I have been on this shit since I was 8, and finally, in college, you see the beneficial effects of it…but you don’t realize the monster you’re messing with.
If you’re a parent looking for an answer for your child, honestly, learn from these posts, I had posted a long one but then my page froze and I lost it. This stuff will just increase a kids gradepoint for a while, and teach him dependency and maybe addiction. I wish my parents never gave me this shit. I had “adhd” when my Dad is a successful Doctor, my mom runs the healthcare for prisons in the state of Michigan, and I feel I need it to do basic tasks. Let alone schoolwork, before it got bad I was dependant as shit on it in my College freshman year. I had a 3.8 and was Deans listed, Except soon after I had an anxiety attack and was linked with a “stress related peripheral neuropathy” which isn’t genetic, something did it….hmmmmm?!?! ADDERALL. Even after that when Doctor’s were clueless I started craving them, so I’d get some but it started to stumble into addiction. ONE YEAR LATER, and I am addicted as shit, I get a script, and I take it and can’t even do homework, I just work out and do what I want it’s embarrassing. I have a 130 IQ, and good test scores, and guess what?! Not having this makes me not want to go to class because I know it will “suck” (When I’m on a script) because my body depends on it. I get cravings alot too, and am going to go to an addictions specialist behind my families/girlfriends back, and try to kick it. I don’t even know what I will be like completely off of it forever, I was better before I ever took it so I’ll guess better.
I just wish I made this decision a long time ago, you see, Adderall can make us all Deans list students, when we act like drop outs, and procrastinate like crazy, and that analogy goes for anything in life, it teaches you dependence, and then addiction. The dependence stage isn’t all that bad, but addiction is HELL.
So instead of going forward to Chiropractic college next year, I’m getting expelled from school this semester because I didn’t know what to do without my meds. I will learn and return, but I think the Marines will teach me the discipline I need.
TAKE MY WORD YOU’RE KID DOESNT GET ANY BETTER LONG TERM FROM A FUCKIN CHEMICAL HE GETS SHORT TERM BENEFITS, PLUS STUDIES SHOW THAT YOU DONT EVEN REMEMBER HALF THE STUFF U SEE ON ADDERALL, LET YOUR KID WORK IT OUT AT 12,13,14,15 AND NOT 20,25,30.
I am 20, and once I’m off this shit I am never going back, the trick is quitting.
I just wanted to write to help give as many people as I can some sort of hope. It is possible to quit adderall and get your life back without life-long negative side-effects. First, I want to say a very sincere thank you to Mike for this site. Without you, I’m not sure if I would be here – sane. Most of the info on the internet, etc. is about people who are addicted/abusing adderall in college or shortly after. So, if there are any “supermoms” trying to quit – here is hope. I am a 30 something mother of two, a kindergarten teacher, and have always been someone who many envied. Then, I met my devil – adderall. I won’t go into detail (we all know the petrifying details), but I knew it had taken over my life when I began having panic attacks on a daily basis and my blood pressure was scary high. Several months ago, I was taking at least 60 mg a day. I will admit taking up to 160 mg at times, as well(yes, hard to believe). But, with the help of therapy, anti-depressants, a strong family connection, and this web-site, I am 4 months post adderall and going strong. Thank you to Mike and everyone else on the site. We need to stick together!!
There is always hope. You may have to hit rock bottom to finally realize the effects of this drug. I hope noone has to reach that. I have been there…It has been 1 year since I took a pill. Every once in a while I think about how much work I would be able to get done if I took just one. I remind myself of all the bad things that happened while I was taking adderall. I workout everyday..and that keeps me sane and on the right path. Find something that keeps your mind off of it. Try to stay busy (after the chemical dependency dies down).
I never realize this was such an issue to others. I see it as an growing epidemic among college students. The word needs to be spread. Thank you for this site.
Wow! This website is great. Quitting amphetamines is such a lonely struggle. I’ve sampled nearly the “whole buffet”, but nothing ever grabbed me like Adderall/amphetamines did.
It’s nice to see that my story isn’t unique. I’ve been on/off for 2+ years. Getting off stinks, it’s the staying off that’s just so hard. I switched to Dexedrine, and it’s just as bad. And cheaper.. And much stronger. Ay?!?!
Got past the week mark, and it stunk. Mike’s right. Sometimes you have to give up those “important” commitments to do this. I tell myself that no work is worth the misery. Also, the people I work with don’t give a hoot how f’ed up I get, as long as I’m working. So to heck with them. I’m sure they’ll get a new drone in no time.
My god, I am not alone. Iv’e been trying to quit cause i smoke and drink constantly on the stuff. Those Hell-Spawned orange beads… I always regret my actions in the morning after binging, because my confidence sky-rockets on the stuff.
I tried to cut back to only twice a week, but now i lay in bed waiting for tuesday and thursday. And i then manage to condense my entire week into 42 hours…
Im only sixteen. and have had it for three years. What kind of sick docter or society condones giving this to kids? at Fourteen i hardly had the capability to make an informed decision, and certainly not the capacity to assume the detrimental consequences.
Without adderall, the sky doesnt seem blue, the grass less vibrant, and id prefer the birds f**k off, rather than listen to their sonnets.
I need help.
mike, i’d like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for creating this site. i’ve been on adderall for 2 years and am on my third day without it. I had a difficult time this morning, but feel strengthened by the messages on this page. THANK you.
@Anonymous – You’re welcome, from the bottom of mine. And thank you for the comment! Day 3 is pretty rough. The chemical dependency isn’t even broken in until week 2-4. So hang in there!
“•Avoid any task that is really going to make you want to take a pill (e.g., particularly creative tasks)”
Hi… I am in love with your site. 🙂 I’m confused, though, because I think Adderall makes it more DIFFICULT to do the creative tasks… no?
Oh and one other thing… I’ve been taking this lovely little pill since 8th grade (thanks to “concerned” doctor, mother and teachers), I’m 26 now. You mention somewhere that some people actually NEED it. How do I know if I do or not? I don’t like it, I know that much…
After reading your story (Never Touch Adderall), I broke into tears. Oh what I wouldn’t give to go back almost 4 years ago and slap the doctor who told me he thought I “might have ADD” and immediately wrote me a prescription after a short test.
Here’s the deal: I quit for 8 month. I flushed my pills down the toilette and never looked back (until recently). It was the happiest, and lowest point of my life. Everything was a mess. My house was a mess, my grades were on the edge, my boyfriend couldn’t understand why I was such a slob all the sudden. My mom called me lazy all the time.
For 5 of those months I had an internship in NYC for a magazine. It was thrilling and interesting. I enjoyed myself at work. At home, my apartment was disgusting so I never had anyone over. When I moved back to finish school (which was never for me) my mom kept nagging me to enroll in classes and that we needed to go apartment hunting for one near campus, blah blah blah. Overwhelmed with everything from moving, forced to go back to the fast paced world of adderall without stimulants, I went back to the doctor.
After 8 months of sobriety, I gave up. It’s been a little over a month now and I have fallen deeper than I ever did before. I have falling into a deep depression (which I am prone to anyway). Yesterday I went back for my refill, but I told the doctor of my depression and she suggested getting off the stimulant and onto Wellbutrin (which i had taken as a teenager for depression). She then prescribed me wellbutrin and adderall, in case i “needed” it for focus.
They are both sitting at the pharmacy right now as we speak. I haven’t gotten the strength to go get them. My delima: I have become suicidal (which is actually how I found your site, I googled adderall & suicide). I know the last thing I need to do is obtain the adderall prescription because I have no control when it comes to that stuff, I am pretty certain I am going to leave that one at the pharmacy.
My question for you is, do you think it would hurt my healing process to take the Wellbutrin?? It kind of feels like cheating because I know depression comes with quitting (been there), I’m just honestly scared for my life and think an anti-depressant might be necessary (but then I have a whole new issue later on).
Please help, so far every word you’ve written has helped me more than you’ll ever know.
Kari,
Suicidal ideation and suicidal intent are two different things. For example, let’s say you’re driving down the highway and you think about how nice it would be to just slam your car into the wall or drive off a cliff. How much of a release that would be. Or maybe you have plans. Like you think about your ideal suicide method & setting, and the thought of it…of blowing your brains out…almost calms you in a way.
That’s suicidal ideation. That doesn’t always mean you’re actually going to ever do any of those things. Finding suicide appealing is not the same thing as actually intending to do it. Suicidal intent goes a few mental steps beyond just fantasizing. So the first step for you is figuring out which camp you fall into right now.
Are you just fantasizing about suicide even though you’d probably never be able to do it, or are you actually falling in the direction of actually trying to off yourself? If it’s the former, you might just need to keep working to pull through it. If it’s the latter, you should absolutely go get some more serious help (Wellbutrin, counselling, whatever) right now.
If you’re at the point where your suicidal thoughts are scaring you, I don’t think the Wellbutrin will hurt your healing process. I think you can use it like a tool to get you over the hump, and then work on weaning yourself off it later if you want. Just don’t stay on it forever if you don’t have to (but if you have to, that’s totally cool).
You also don’t have to go totally cold turkey on the Adderall right now. Maybe just take a small dose and refuse to take more than one pill per day under any circumstances. And then eventually start weaning yourself off. It beats the alternative if the alternative could realistically include suicide.
Back on that topic: I think a lot of suicidal people tend to glorify suicide as a release and they forget how much unpleasant, excruciatingly painful damage you have to do to a human body to get it to die. There are few suicide methods that are as pleasant in reality as movies and TV shows make them out to me. For example, if you try to OD on pills you don’t just peacefully slip away…you die with severe nausea choking on your own vomit. Even a gun isn’t a guarantee. There are several guys who tried to shoot themselves and ended up half-faced freakshows for the rest of their lives. We’re not talking about some magical transportation to the next life. We’re talking about ugly, painful, messy, vomiting, bleeding, suffocating, nauseous, physical body death. More than you ever wanted to know about the reality of various suicide methods can be found here.
There is rarely ever a valid reason for suicide. As is often said: It’s a permanent fix to problems that are most likely very temporary in context of your entire lifespan. So part of your problem may be that you’re thinking too short term. Right now, your problems and emotional swings are crippling to the point of making you crave the escape that suicide offers. But you’ve got a whole lot of life left. Enough time to destroy and rebuild yourself several times. You could fail out of school, you could lose everything to the point of being homeless, and then through a little persistence you could be back on your feet again, back in school, finishing school, into a career you want, with a great family of your own…and only 10 years would have passed. So when you start to freak out, think instead about the decades of healthy life you have left to fix all of this.
But you do have to deal with the now, of course. And for now your number one enemy is anxiety, even moreso than depression because anxiety triggers depression. You want to do everything you can to vastly simplify your life and un-obligate yourself, because each obligation no matter how small adds a source of stress and anxiety. You need some serious breathing room. Such things can be created if you keep working at it (even if you can only work at it on the days when you aren’t crippled by depression).
This can be a hard need to explain to your mom, who sounds like she is adding to the anxiety right now. Set a timeline with her. Tell her that you plan to stay there for a year. Even if you plan on moving out/moving on sooner, give her (and yourself) the expectation of a year and let it sink in until she’s comfortable with it. Then you can take your time making your decisions.
I don’t know if any of that helped, but best of luck. This is a miserable, multi-year process but it can be so worth it if you just keep sticking it out through the gigantic, emotionally-devastating setbacks that you’re going to encounter along the way. Just one foot in front of the other, for as long as you can and through as much muck as you can.
Mike,
Thank you so much. Not only did you read my extremely long post, but you replied almost immediately, that shows what a great person you are. Let me clarify: I am experiencing suicidal ideation. There are a couple reasons why I know in my heart I could not go through with suicide…
1. When I was 16, I attempted and obviously failed at suicide. I actually attempted it several times, but the last time was the worst. I woke up in the hospital with my parents surrounding me in tears and it broke my heart to see them in so much pain. So now, I think (and hope) I am past actually trying because just like you said, it is NOT what you see on TV…it’s much more gross (vomiting, convulsions, nothing a parent should have to witness).
2. My dad passed away last year and I’m all my mom has. I know she puts a lot of pressure on me, but without me I know she would be lost. I guess I’m just not selfish enough to do that to her.
That being said, last night I had every intention of doing it. I didn’t know how, or where, but I knew I could couldn’t deal anymore. INSTEAD, I decided to go to sleep. I learned something when I was 16 from a great doctor that said “If you ever think you are ready to go through with it again, just put it off until morning, and keep doing this until you forget you every wanted to.” BUT when I woke up this morning, I still wanted to. I was still hopeless and miserable…which is where the google search came in (I wasn’t googling “adderall & suicide” to try to use the pills to do it, I was googling it to see if there was a connection).
I read your reply and decided to it was in my best interest to take a small dose (5mg), not enough to get high or any feeling really, just enough to supress the suicidal thoughts. It actually worked somewhat without making me feel like I am on anything. I made a promise to myself to not take anymore today and haven’t. I hate that I had to take it, but it definitely beats the alternative, at least for right now.
I may go ahead and try to Wellbutrin just to get me over this hump, then wean off of it like you stated. I quit for 8 months, and have only been back on for 1 month so I know I can do this. Today marks day one of my 2nd attempt to quit.
PLEASE Tell me if I just made a huge mistake. I’m living in Spain right now with a teach abroad program. I love it here and my job is wonderful and easy. I’ve been taking Adderall for years, and have tried quitting it and then always gone back to it again. I’d recently lowered my dose to 5 mg a day, but the side effects were always still intense- anxiety, sweating, no laughter, the real me seemed hidden. 2 weeks ago I through them all in the dumpster. Now I have NOTHING and can’t get a refill here. A few days after that I felt on top of the world and totally free. I broke up with my boyfriend because I suddenly realized I wasn’t in love with him. A week later I ended up crying at school and had to skip one of my classes, and lately my emotions have been SO extreme that I am wondering if I’m some kind of crazy. Is this normal? How long does it last? Also- was it an idiotic thing to do since I’m alone in a foreign country, being that it’s such a drastic change? I am wondering if I should call my dr in the States to see if he can mail me a new Rx. Please tell me what you think. Thank you..
Like everyone else, I am *extremely* grateful for finding this website. Right now, I don’t know what to do. I’ve spent the entire day googling for answers. I have been on adderall for about a year and a half. I am also currently on celexa. (I have been on anti-depressants as well the entire time I’ve been on entire..first prozac and now celexa).
Like everyone else on here, i NEED to get off adderall. It’s ruining my life. On a regular basis, I don’t even take a lot in my opinion. I usually take about 30mg a day (sometimes even only 20) to get me through work. When it wears off, I feel very depressed but a lot of times just suffer through it until it goes away. I guess I know that if I took another one, I’d just get to that depressing place again in a few hours. Besides that, about once or twice a week, I completely binge on both alcohol and the adderall and party all night. then the next day I am severely depressed and just stay in bed. And then I start all over with my regular 20-30 mg.
After a night of binging last night, I feel worse than I ever have and know that it is finally time to stop. But my biggest problem is that i literally CAN’T “limit my obligations” as you keep saying, Mike. I dont really want to talk about my job in detail, but, it takes up a LOT of my time and is very stressful. It also VERY inconsistent as far as the hours and even days that I work. For example, sometime I will work for a few days in a row and then not work at all for a few days. Sometimes I’ll work 12-15 hours all day and night and then other times I work only 3 hours. In addition, I travel a lot and do a LOT of driving where I absolutely NEED to be awake and alert. And I also feel extra nervous when I am away from home and the people I care about. But quitting, taking time off or finding a different job is 100% out of the question right now too.
So, with all that aside, can you please, please tell me how I can come off this medicine under these circumstances? Would cold turkey or weaning be better? Should I just wait a few months until I am less busy. I REALLY don’t want to wait. The irritability and anger I feel on adderall and depression I feel when it wears off has become unbearable. I also have been having trouble with my vision and my eyes twitching lately, especially while driving. And I starve all day on adderall and then binge eat when it wears off.
I hate this drug so much. I was happy and outgoing on my own before I started it and now I need it to be. I want to get off as soon as I can and I appreciate any advice you have.
Thank you.
Hi Jenn!
It’s still doable. Try this: Start by trimming your usage to essential days only. Cut out thost binge & party days. Those are optional and do not affect your work. The instant you cut those out you will start to feel more sane, even though you still take Adderall during work days. The point is to regularize your dose, even if you don’t reduce it. Stop taking it like a drug and start taking it like a medicine that only exists on work day. Once do this you will feel more in control of your mood, life, and Adderall intake. You won’t worry or freak out as much about it. You still will a little, but not as much. And you’ll be ready to start trying to to take the next steps down if you want.
Once you’ve trimmed down to essential days only, start quitting by activity. Try not taking it on travel days. See how many of your weekly activities you can do without it. You may still need 30mg on a heavy work day, but do you really need to pop speed just to sit on a plane for four hours? That doesn’t just unecessarily stress your sanity…it wastes pills!
The more activities you find out that you can do without pills (or with less pills), the closer you’ll be to killing your dependence for good.
Also, the good news is that driving and traveling aren’t typically things that people crave Adderall for when trying to quit. Sure, you need to be awake and alert, but you don’t need to be cracked out on Adderall…that’s a little beyond “awake and alert”. A good night’s sleep and a cup of coffee will probably do you if you pace it right. It’s the big creative tasks that are going to make you want a pill the most, so you might actually find the fact that your job involves a lot of travel and driving is actually a bit of godsend for your quitting process.
Thank you so much, Mike! I’m definitely going to give that a try. The only thing that I’m worried about is that, a lot of the times, once I take even a “normal”dose’ of adderall, I feel an urge to party and drink that I normally wouldn’t. I have tried before to only take the pills on work days, and I ended up feeling a strong desire to go out and party on nights where i’d normally jut come home and relax.
But, I definitely won’t give up. i appreciate your help and support.
Jenn
Hey Jenn,
What you’re describing kind of sounds like mania. As in, whenever you pop your usual dose of Adderall you induce an hyper-enthusiastic, impulsive manic state, in which you want to do EVERYTHING at a zillion miles per hour. Especially if you’re extroverted and naturally like going out and partying, then a manic state could well lead straight to the club every time you take a dose.
Check out “Why Bipolar People are Attracted to Amphetamines” and see if the mania stuff hits home at all. And maybe do your own Google research on mania and its symptoms (since my article just gives a brief summary).
If what I’m describing seems like it might be what’s happening, then you just have to work on stepping outside of yourself when the symptoms hit you. You have to learn recognize the manic state for what it is, and talk yourself down. Force yourself to be pessimistic for a few moments and attack your current line of thinking a little, just to level out. It’s kind of like recommending positive affirmations for depression, except in reverse. Where forced positive thinking helps depression, forced negative thinking helps mania.
Or you may just have to ban yourself from going out during the week for a little while, no matter how strong your impulse to do so.
Either way, good luck and let me know how it goes!
I am truly ashamed of what I am about to write but I need help. I have been on Adderall for 2 years now. I was perscribed to it just before starting nursing school. It helped get me through school and I graduated w/ a decent GPA even though I defeniately had my ups, downs, binges and crashes along the way. I barely passed my boards after cramming for 48 hours straight w/ a total of 2-3 hours of sleep during those 2 days. This caused me to have a severe panic attack the morning of the test day until I took my pill and it calmed me down. Then since we weren’t allowed to take anything into the testing room w/ us, I started to crash half way through the test. I started to cry and was seconds away from quiting the test and walking away. I had wanted to be a nurse since I was 7 years old and almost lost everything because of this stupid pill. Once I found out I had passed, I blamed the whole situation on test anxiety and stress. It would seem only normal that a person would realize they had a problem after something like this but I just ignored all of that.
Time went on and I continued taking my prescription or more than my perscription w/ weeks of mania and then a week of depression. I started stealing from my husband who is also prescribed to it but takes it appropriately (10mg every morning even though he is prescribed 20mg). He would notice the missing pills and say something but I would find some excuse.
Then my doctor decided to give me a 3 month perscription all at once. After I blew through that in one month (avg about 200mg per day) and 9 days of that month I was on vaction. I was taking 200mg every day just to function and get out of bed. I was eating what a normal person would eat because it no longer supressed my appetite. The 9 days I was on vaction and taking 200mg, nobody even noticed I was acting different.
I realized at this point I had to stop…so I told my husband everything and quit cold turkey! For about a week, I could barley get of bed and was smoking a lot of pot to help me make it through the day. (again I so ashamed to share all of this while being a nurse and knowing better). Somewhere w/in the first 30days of not taking it, I woke up. I found my laugh again, I forgot what it was like to laugh like that. I felt so free and happy. But then I started to see ALL of myself, including the things I didn’t like. I felt things again, good and bad. I was loud and inappropriate at times. People at work new I took the adderall but did not know how much I took and started asking me if I took my meds that morning. When I told them no, they would get on to me and tell me I needed them. Even my husband, who was happy to see “me” again was getting a little annoyed w/ my hyperactive behavior. I had also quit smoking when I quit taking the adderall and in those two months, I gained 50 POUNDS!!! I hated it. I couldn’t stand to look in the mirror. And even though I started working out and eating right, I was still gaining about 1/2-1 lb a day. So I decided to get my script refilled after being off of it for 2 months. I told myself I would only take 10-20mg a day. That lasted a day. It has been six days since I refilled my script and I am already back to taking 60mg a day.
I told my husband about it last night and we came up w/ a plan that he will hold on to my pills and only give me so many a day. I will slowly taper down until I hit 10-20mg per day and then that’s all he’ll give me each day and hide the rest (which he has become pretty good at). I need to know what you think of this. Is this a good idea or am I only fooling myself and letting the addiction make this decision for me? I hate being addicted to it and feeling the need to take it but I also don’t like being so hyperactive and annoying all the time. Maybe I just needed more time, I don’t know. But any thoughts or suggestions from anyone would be greatly appreciated.
I’m so sorry for the lengthy post but it is so nice to get all this off my chest and share it w/ people who have had similar issuses w/ this crazy drug! And thanks for reading!
Hey Molly,
Thanks for posting your story! It’s really covers all the phases of quitting well. You really went through almost every phase before you relapsed.
That last phase you talk about — finding your laugh again, but starting to gain wait and annoy people with your hyperactivity — that is the phase that I’ve never mentioned on this site….the awkward phase. It’s when you’ve recovered the core parts of yourself…your laugh, your sense of humor, etc, but you haven’t built back your strengths yet. You haven’t learn to control the old self that’s suddenly rushed back to you, especially since it’s been so long since you’ve dealt with her. But that’s just were you start. If you stick it out, you learn to be strong in your old skin again. But while you’re figuring this out… awkwardness city.
All that said: Your plan sounds like a good one. If your husband is the sole source of your pills, then you’ve got a good shot at controlling your dose. But he’s going to need to be your pill manager for a long time, even after you think you’re ok. You don’t need to quit entirely if you can keep to a low dose and you’re happy with how things are going for you.
Good luck, and let us know how it goes!
Thanks for your quick response, Mike. At this very moment I feel encouraged, excited and ready to make this work…either getting to a low dose or getting to none at all. Tomorrow is another day and as you know tomorrow comes w/ a whole new set of feelings about the subject. But my soul is so ready to be free that I know I will do what I can, one day at a time. Thank you so much for your website and your support. I’ll keep you posted.
Hi!
I love your site because I don’t know anyone else who takes it so it makes me feel not so alone. I just wanted to update you from that breakdown up there (wow I was a mess). As of the next day, I stopped taking adderall (and decided against the Wellbutrin) for like 2 weeks cold turkey. Honestly I felt a little tired but that went away in a couple days. Then I had real energy for once and was silly and loved my personality. After a couple weeks though I gave in because it’s my last semester and blah blah blah. But since then I only take it when I absolutely HAVE to. So on days like today when I don’t need it, I can be myself. Then on hard days with endless to-do list, I take the minimal amount (and warn my those close to me, “if I’m weird today, you know why”). I actually dread taking it now because I love who I am without it. I wont lie, it was tough the 1st couple of weeks to get used to seeing everything turn into a mess, but I’ve learned that there’s more to life than cleaning and homework. I’ve gained a little weight, but on my 5’5 frame I was only 105 so I think I can handle it, plus it might be muscle because I am finally working out again!
So yeah, I plan to get off it completely after graduation but until then this is working for me. I’ll update you then. So thanks again for this site.
I quit 5 days ago. Today i took a 10mg. I feel like a zombie. Cannot wait for it to get off my system.
best and only effective way to quit adderall is to never start it.
I had been on adderall for 8 years. I had been taking 60 mg XR per day. I quit cold turkey 3 weeks ago and it has been hell! I am 48 years old, married with 4 children and my friends and family would be shocked if they knew about my addiction. I feel that I can’t move on without it. Its all I can do to crawl out of bed in the morning and then when I do get up I feel like a zombie. I have been sooooo tired that its unbearable. All I want to do is sleep! I can’t believe that I let this drug take over my life. At first it gave me so much energy, like I could accomplish anything and everything. Then, as time when on… I needed to take more and more to get that same high. I stopped taking adderall because it quit working for me. I wasn’t getting that energy buzz anymore. Instead it caused my blood pressure to be sky high and I was getting horrible headaches daily. I was probably on the verge of having a stroke! After 3 weeks, I still feel like crap. I just want to feel normal again. (Not sure how that feels to be honest). Is there anything over the counter that I can take that will help keep me from walking around like a zombie during the day? My husband can’t understand what is happening to me and I’m not about to tell him. I’ve tried coffee but it has no affect on me.
@Terri
At 3 weeks in, you’re in the worst of the withdrawals right now. Stick with it for another 3 weeks and see how you feel. In theory, you should be chemically level after about a month and a half. But you’re still going to have to rebuild your energy level and work ethic almost from scratch after that.
If you were on Adderall for 8 years, rebuilding could take a while. You need your husband on your side through this. As uncomfortable as it may be, it’s worth sitting down and trying to explain your situation to him. Otherwise his lack of understanding will turn into a source of stress for you.
As for over-the-counter stuff: Look, if it gets too bad you can try going back on a low dose of Adderall and stepping down. Otherwise try lots of coffee. Don’t get too hooked though. Eventually you want to be able to get through most of your day unassisted. And again, keep in mind that you may need to give it a couple more weeks for the withdrawals to pass completely.
I don’t know why, but I had a ton of energy today! I got so much accomplished today!!! Hopefully this continues!! Thank you so much for your support. 🙂
I’m glad I found this blog. I was taking 30mg Xr for 8 years then stepped down to 25mg then to 15mg then decided to quit cold turkey. It’s been 7 weeks of intense ups and downs – lately I’ve been having anexity attacks and insomnia. I relapsed the other day and took one and it was awful when it ended. Im really really scared of this feeling. Any advice would be helpful. Thank you.
Hi L.A. – Thanks for your comment! Did you use progressively smaller XRs to step-down, or did you switch to IR? What were you like before you started taking Adderall? Did you ahve anxiety attacks back then?
To some degree, anxiety spells after quitting Adderall is normal, especially if they are usually triggered by situations that you’d typically take a pill to deal with (e.g., big project just assigned to you). If that’s the case (triggered anxiety), then it will get better as you learn to handle stressful situations without Adderall again.
The insomnia also might be either your sleep cycle still being irregular, or a function of the anxiety. Does any of that hit home?
ATTENTION: ATTENTION: STAY OFF ADDERALL OR IF U DO IT PLAN ON SPENDING MOST OF UR DAY LOOKING FOR IT OR FEAR RUNNING OUT OF IT THE DEVIL AINT GOT SHIT ON ADDICTION! PROMISE U THAT!!! I started taking them when my mom passed on 5/9/11 actually about 2 weeks later I had no motivation, no concentration and didn’t want to do anything also I’m diagnosed with ADHD and then a “FRIEND” said here try these and OH GOD it was the wonder drug. I was getting work done and everything was fine and THEN I started to think I am addicted which I should know better because I SUCCESSFULLY quit taking pain pills (atleast 20 perks a day) and xanex 3 or 4(bones) a day. NOW I AM SCARED I AM A JUNKY NOW AND AS I WRITE THIS i’M CHEWING THE 30 MG’S SALT CAPS. FML WHY ME WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF AGAIN AND NOW MY BACKBONE (MOM) ISN’T HERE TO TELL ME THE LITTLE THINGS TO MOTIVATE ME TO BE A BETTER PERSON!
Please don’t flush your meds….
Instead, see http://www.whitehousedrugpolicy.gov/publications/pdf/prescrip_disposal.pdf
Okay, the person that wrote this is stupid. “adderall is evil” ya if you are using it for fun, and/or illegally. If you take it as prescribed, and ONLY if you have ADD or ADHD. Oh and also the author of this has the nerve to tell people that they should do whatever they need to in order to make it past the first 30 days without adderall, even if that means slacking, or doing the minimum/less than they have to. This could jeopardize their career. Besides you don’t stop cold turkey, you slowly go down, making it so you don’t go crazy. and as for the guy who said he did it for fun on the weekends? Doesn’t have ADD/ADHD because people who do, do it to make them feel normal. They do not get any sort of “high” off of the drug. I am taking adderall and in the summer, its terrible because i have nothing to focus on. During the school year, it does help me concentrate which has drastically improved my GPA. If you use adderall the wrong way, it can be ‘evil’. I guess. It’s a medication that helps a lot of people. You weren’t smart and continued to up your dose without talking to your doctor, causing you to become addicted. And the guy with the pain pill addiction-go see a therapist. you should not be taking adderall if you were addicted to pain pills, at least not without a therapist supervision. So everyone on this page that is taking adderall and is not diagnosed with ADD/ADHD; unless you are a doctor, you have no idea how adderall SHOULD make a person feel. You don’t know what you are talking about so keep it to yourself. Everyone who legally takes the medicine and needs it, just take it how your doctor says and you will be fine. Everyone who is using it for fun, stop taking it and writing bad things about it. Your addicted because you had nothing better to do than try and get high off of an ADD drug. Good luck.
Daynaa,
“I am taking adderall and in the summer, its terrible because i have nothing to focus on.”
So why are you taking it? I took it because evil sometimes has a way of feeling good. I’m just sayin…
I have been on aderall xr 20 mg for 3 years now. I basically diagnosted myself by going into my Dr telling him what I wanted and him feeling out my prescription at first this was a miracle drug I started seeing qualities in myself that I had never new I had. It was kinda scary to know that one little pill could do all of this for me. I have recently quite taking this drug because I’m tired of feeling like I can’t do nothing without it. It’s basically takin over me I have not missed a dose in 3 years have been faithfull to taking it. But now I’m 4 days without it witch has not been easy but I will no longer allow this pill to control my life anymore. I have found by sitting and watching the show addiction that I am no different then anyone else that takes a drug everyday. This drug is deffently bad for a person when they can’t think without it . Today is my 4 th day of not having it and my day is hazzy and tiring. Ive also been extremely hungry and very angry. I’m hoping that this eventually goes away which I know it will its just time I’m so glad I have stopped taking it cause I wouldn’t even be sitting here searching for others sitiuatiations with this drug nor sharing my own experiences with it because on this medication it seems you don’t care about others nor yourself I pray for everyone to not take this drug and for whoevers on it to stop there’s so much guilt that builds up with it over everything………
I could read these posts all day! I started taking adderall recreationally and to study in college. Everyone in my house/most friends were using it at least weekly for the same reasons. I knew at that time that it was bad. The summer after college I was still taking it in smaller amounts(because it was hard to find) and started having panic attacks.
Pat, my boyfriend at the time was abusing opiates like roxys and oxys. He went back and forth between saying he was going to quit and lying when he was using. I’m not really sure whether he ever was off of them for any amount of time. He knew about me taking adderall and knew I was having panic attacks which I attributed to taking them (and probably to being worried sick about him).
When fall finally came I made a promise with him that I would quit adderall if he quit opiates because I just wanted us to be “happy and healthy”(despite being an addict himself he urged me not to take adderall and when he went to rehab for the first time told me about a guy who was in rehab for adderall).
I actually did quit and unfortunately he did not, which I found out 6 months later. When I found this out it was my breaking point with him. He went to rehab for the second time and when he got out went to NA meetings and said he couldn’t focus on anything but recovery (in other words wanted nothing to do with me or his past). This is understandable and looking back I know it was for the best but it did bring my world crashing down in a lot of ways.
During this time I started a desk job at a company where Anne, my best friend/roomate from college, worked. She also abused adderall(we didn’t consider it to be abusing adderall but it most definitely was) in college, we took it together often back then. In the time between college and this job I had stopped (because of my promise to Pat) and I got some perspective on how much better life was when I didn’t take adderall and thought it was “really really bad shit”. Anne had not only continued to take it she got herself a prescription.
At this point I was completely devastated by the failure of my relationship with Pat, I had just started a new job, which I didn’t like and I was spending a lot of time with Anne again. She offered me adderall and I accepted. After a while she was less willing to share and started charging me. I would buy between 5 and 10 20mg addys a month, which I felt like shit about and it was nothing, and I started losing weight and getting organized. I watched her work a 9-5 and go to school full time and it motivated me to pursue grad school. A few months later she told me about a friend of hers who had them, I started buying them from him since he would let me buy more (Anne was pretty addicted and didn’t want to sell them anymore). At this point I was buying about 10 30mg addys about every week and a half. It was getting expensive and with grad school starting in the fall Anne suggested that I go to her doctor and get my own script. I was hesitant because I knew I would get out of hand but at this point I was wasting a lot of money buying them. So in June I went to her doctor and got a script for 2 20mg a day. I thought 60 pills would last me forever. Obviously I grew tolerant and started taking more than 40mgs per day. I’m guessing the most I have taken in one day is around 90mgs (Anne is actually prescribed 90mgs which from what I have read is ridiculous considering she weighs about 120 lbs at most).
At this point it has just gone too far. Over the years I have come back to this site on and off whether I was taking adderall or just looking for reasons not to. I know that I need to get off of Adderall before this goes any further. For the first time I am noticing physical side effects like bad skin, thinning hair,teeth feel weird, and my jaw cracks (Maybe I’m paranoid but I feel like these are happening). It makes me feel mean, antisocial, self conscious, and worst of all it makes me want to take on 10000 responsibilities. Its like a viscous cycle because then you have all of these responsibilities that normal humans woudn’t take on therefore you can not stop taking it. I need to stop this cycle and find my true passion before I take a life path that is not true to my non-adderall self. I am really worried about the weight gain. I can not wait to laugh and relax and have people like being around me again.
I listened to a speech by Steve Jobs yesterday came to this site and flushed the rest of my script. The questions I have are:
Have I done irreparable damage to my brain or body? Many people say it changes your brain chemistry forever. I’m also worried about my teeth! I hope they are not ruined! Also I wonder how long it will take for me to get through the “I can not function or move” period.
Honestly I would throw everything away to get off of this drug but it would be nice to be able to get through this semester so any tips on how to do that without addys would be greatly appreciated!
Hi. I have a son who has been taking Adderall on and off for the past 5 years. Initially he was introduced to the med from his “friends” who told him he’d have more energy and do better in school. He and I went “rounds and rounds” about him using pills and pot, to the point that I pulled him out of school and homeschooled him his Junior and Senior year of highschool. He successfully completed H.S. and received his HS Diploma. He started working fulltime and was taking classes towards his future. Then he became 18, and found a doctor who, unknown to me, started to prescribe him Adderall. After 2 years, he has a Rx for 60mg a day, which he has recently been “adjusting” when he felt the need. Now he is out of his Rx by 10 days…and his PCP will not refill early, so he is forced to quit “cold turkey”.
This website has given me some hope that cold turkey is possible, and that although it won’t be pleasant, it won’t be fatal either. I’m hoping he is being honest about wanting to quit completely, and that he doesn’t just go out and find another doctor to prescribe it.
I love my son more than life itself, and would do anything to have never had him start this road to hell! I hate that his doctor so willingly prescribed this medication, as I have known my son his entire life, and he is NOT ADD or ADHD.
What if you have only been doing it recreationally for about four months everyday.. I kn.ow its not recrationall now. Quitting cold turkey is the best thing right ??? Please get back to me
@Billy – At only four months in, it’s not going to kill you either way. Weaning down is always the sanest path, but if you have to go cold turkey you’ll crash for a few days, feel kind of under-powered for a few weeks, then be back to normal.
you helped save my life. thank you!
Hey! So this website has been REALLY amazing and inspirational with my decision to no longer take adderall. It is Monday, and I stopped taking adderall last Thursday so it has only been a few days off, however, I need some people to know- IT WASNT AS BAD AS I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE!! I took 50mg’s a day for 7 years- and I thought it would be horrible, but i feel fine- I feel great right now!
I play with my dog with my dog tonite, and I wanted to for a long while. Usually I am too busy running around perfecting my apartment, time flying by. Time goes slower, but I notice the little things. I used to over think everything I did and now I just do what I feel is right. I am a performer, a singer and a dance instructor, and I feel music differently off adderall. I feel like I can dance with my body and not my head.
If you are thinking about quitting I can say- the withdrawl wasnt that bad for me- it REALLY isnt that bad! I stopped taking adderall because one day I would like to be a mother and I know I cannot take adderall while pregnant- plus, its a serious drug, I want to just be healthier.
If you are contemplating not taking adderall here is my advice:
VITAMINS- One a day has an “energy” one a day vitamin- take it!
CAFEENE- all day long
EXERCISE/DANCE- if you feel low- have a dance party- blast your favorite tune and just go with it
MAKE IT A GAME- I hate housework- I started looking at my kitchen and saying- how long will it really take me to clean this and make it CLEAN- 10 mins? Can I beat that time? Make it a game to just finish it as fast as possible… and think about all the time u WONT be dwelling on or looking at the mess
Magnesium- Supposedly you are low on magnesium from taking adderall- it makes me feel better when i take it
Fish Oil- I take it, its good for your heart
DONT DRINK ALCOHOL!- being hung over is not withdrawl- but it still sucks
I teach ZUMBA and that really has helped me maintain motivation- take a zumba class- its a fun motivating exercise- good luck-
thank you for having this website- AMAZING! YOu gave me stregnth!
Thanks for the great comment, Heather! I’m really glad it’s going well for you. I know you didn’t mean it metaphorically, but I think being able to dance with your body instead of your mind (and feeling the music differently) is a very fitting summary of quitting Adderall. And your advice is spot-on. If you don’t mind I may post your tips as a blog article. 🙂
Sounds great Mike! If there is anything else I can do please let me know- I am SOOO appreciative of this website- it really gave me that extra ‘push’ or inspiration to do this. Exactly what I needed. Thank you!
@Heather. Sure thing! Should have your post up sometime next week. Also: What brand of Fish oil do you use?
I’m on day 4 without addy, I cant even sit still… it is taking everything I have to write this post.
Just wanted to say I was glad I find it because it gave me courage. It’s hard when no one even knows your going through this battle…
I began taking Adderall about three years ago, and was prescribed 2 10mg IR pills as needed. These caused me to have intense moodswings, and I hated the comedowns. I was switched over to 15 mg XRs about six months in, and I have been on them almost daily ever since.
I am currently contemplating quitting them, because I have became extremely anti-social, self-conscious and generally reclusive from all things fun and from any type of love that is given to me. I did an internship this semester and am only starting to realize that it was adderall that made me so painfully shy and unable to socialize properly.
I also took 18 credit hours this semester, and depended heavily on adderall to keep me going. I have some friends but I don’t ever want to go out and avoid social interactions as well.
I have a wonderful boyfriend and a sweet dog and good parents, but I am just stuck in this academia driven mission, which is going to collapse in on itself because of the long term effects that are just beginning to surface.
After being on adderall for a year, I started on 20 mgs of Celexa, to try and combat my social anxiety and anxiety. This however fucked my mind up totally, making me a heartless bitch with no emotions and a sad sad person, who would cry on her bed for hours. I was now dependent on adderall because the celexa would make me feel so lethargic and I would need something for energy. I stopped taking it one day, and it took many months before I felt like most of my unpredictable mood swings went away. I threw temper tantrums, I mean FUCK. Now I am just on the adderall but I am beginning to believe that this is what made me into such a square in the first place.
I enjoyed these posts because it made me feel good to know that I wasn’t the only one who had turned into an emotionless hole, it makes me sad to see how much this drug has changed me, and I wonder if I can fix the damage and calm down enough to make things work for me again. I want to be happy so badly and I want to change for my boyfriend, because I know he knows its not me.
Sincerely,
21 years old and tired of smoking tons of weed to make me feel semi-okay on Adderall.
hi my name is ryan,
i am currently on day 9 of no addis and its not the best.
my gf and i broke up bc of them after a 2.5 yr relationship that i was sure was going to end happily ever after. Unforunityly we didnt see that the addis had such a crazy negative effect on our relationship we would really fight about the smallest things and found like crack heads. This drug literally ruined my life ive moved home from across the country to try to deal with losing the love of my life. I hope and prayer is that she will get off them. The sadest thing is i try to tell her to try to get off them try to tell her that this evil pill did this to us but she can’t see it. Your like a a horse running in the derby with blinders on. Only see task at hand but let everything else fall apart around you. The struggles over the breakup seems not as bad as the withdrawls from no addis or maybe both just fucking suck as much as the other IDK but what i do know is i will overcome this i will rise up again and i will be back. I pray the same for my Ex and anyone else going through this pain
I am glad that I found this website. I have been struggling with ADHD since I can remember. About 10 years ago, a psychiatrist you is supposed to be a specialist in ADHD and pediatric mental disorders diagnosed me with Bipolar with mania. The mania part, I can see where he might have thought I was because I am very hyper, fast paced, impatient and always on the go. The problem was that I never had the depressive part of bipolar, well at least not until they started putting me on all kinds of bipolar meds. For the first time, I actually did feel very depressed. I was on Lithium, they started me at 300mg twice a day but my blood levels were showing that this was not enough. I eventually was up to 1500mg a day on this stuff before my blood levels were considered “therapeutic”. Needless to say, I was like a zombie. It was like I was almost comatose. I was even required to take a drug screen at work because they thought I was on a strong opiate or marijuana. Of course, the screen was clean. Over the next few years, I was put on many different bipolar medications and of course none of them worked. Then they put me on anti anxiety medication. It helped some but it would still make me feel cloudy and I just didn’t feel like I could function. I have always been a high energetic person and actually I can get a lot done in very little time. The only downside is that I would drive people crazy because they always were telling me to “slow down”. Slow down? Yeah right! Even I am sitting still, my mind is still on face track. Never slowing down. Well I will finally get to the point. I was prescribed Adderall XR 20 mg. At first, I thought it was the most wonderful thing. I felt calmer, focused and I loved that it decreased my appetite. I felt like I was a more patient person. Well, that only lasted for about a month or two. I then noticed that the longer I took it, the less it seem to work like it did before. I would get very irritable over every little thing. I would be calm one moment and the next I would feel like I could explode. I don’t have the same humor I did. I use to be able to laugh at almost everything, now those things I thought were funny I find to be very annoying. I am always biting my children’s heads off. I think they feel like they have to walk on egg shells because they have no idea what is going to set me off. I feel dull, like I can’t cry, but I can’t laugh either. I am taking between 80-120mg depending on the day. This is just to get me going. I don’t even feel good on it like I use to. I want the old me back. The one that is hyper but yet had a sense of humor. The one that might be going so fast that I may run into you, but at least I wouldn’t get mad if you just asked me to do the simplest thing. The sad thing is, no one close to me even knows that I am on it. I have only been taking it regularly for 6 months and I can already feel it taking over me. I feel like a failure and a liar. I can’t even tell my fiance for fear that he will look at like I am a disgusting junkie. Today I told myself I would only take 20mg in the morning to get going. I took a total of 60mg today. I think the only way that I can quit is cold turkey. I don’t think that I can do the step down method, I would just keep stepping back up. Thank you for everyone’s posts that I have read. I know that I am not alone, even though I feel like it most times.
lisa…
no worries everything that you said is the way i felt but guess WHAT 32 days later i am free i am funny again i still have my friends my ex is still on them n shes in az and im moving on with my life one step at a time. Imagine the way you feel and put two of you in a room thats how it was for us obviously not a good situation. Best thing to do is try to step away from everything for 30 days my best friend had to dump about 200 pills in the toilet then there was noway for me to try to step down or try to get more. The only way to quit is to want to quit. And trust me i wanted to i wanted to be that funny kid who didnt care about small things and could relax and be fun insted of feeling like i was on tilt all the time … not a good feeling. i had so much energy and focus i felt like i was superman. but guess what i still feel like that. the pill dosnt control you it does not define who you are. it helps you focus yes and gives you energy but you can find that in yourself reward yourself after 30 days to tell you the truth im not sure how bad the comedown or side effects were since i was dealing with a 2.5 yr breakup also so everything was kind of thrown into the mix. But you can do it and im happy to say after 32 days the old me is coming back and im making huge life decisions and moves without the drug. one thing that also helped me was the book delivering happiness by tony hsieh on the pills i would try to hustle everyone trick everyone idk maybe just my NY background being brought out but in the book it talks about just being happy and spreading happiness to others im able to let the small things go slowly but surly everyday is a step in the right direction get that evil out of your life and you will be thanking me in 30 days good luck
I’m anonymous this time because I realized I have several post on this site (I’m even quoted on a page, which is cool) and it’s pretty embarrassing that I am still an Adderallic. I actually stopped going to your site for the past year. I even wrote you and never read your replies because I didn’t want to remind myself of how weak I am by not having quit yet.
I’m at the stage where Adderall no longer does what it should do, in fact, it does the oposite. I spend my time on the smallest most insignificant task, when I should be doing my work. I’m skinny, but i’ve always been skinny…difference is, now I’ve lost my muscle so I”m “skinny fat” – score! Some days I think my sunken in cheeks make me look like a model, others I feel more like a crack head.
I graduated last May and am now a writer, but I work remotely so maybe that’ll work in my favor in this journey. I’ve always loved to write, even off Adderall (interned at a national magazine during an 8 month long sober period), so hopefully I’m already on the right path with my career. Anyway, I’m going to try to quit again. I’m depressed, have basically shut out all my friends, and have no joy for life at this point…what do I have left to lose?
I realize this post has no point at all, but I figured if I put it in writing that I am quitting for good it might actually happen. Once again, thanks for this site. Looks like you’ve added a lot of great articles since last time. I’ll let you know how it goes, and who knows, I might even use my real name next time!
Yep, going to have to wean off I’m thinking. Today was going to be day one then I was basically forced to take 1 (20mg) because I was a miserable wreck laying in bed all day. BUT, I did stick to one!…so far.
Day one = fail.
Hello. I was wondering if anybody has grappled with long term effects of adderall or vyvanse usage after quitting. I’m a Junior in college and I had been taking Vyvanse since my Junior year in high school. I’ve always been shy but when I was on it I was driven, passionate and was always working on some big project that I typically saw through. The only reason I really quit was because I was getting annoyed with the crash that came after 10 hours of power.
About 10 months ago I quit cold turkey, and now I’m addicted to 5 Hour Energies just to get through work and school, I’ve gained 25 pounds easily, I always feel so exhausted to the point of sleeping during the day, and I’m always so afraid of people I don’t know.
I’m at a convention for work and in the middle of a crisis right now thinking if I had that pill and went back to how I was, I could handle everything with no problem whatsoever. I’m supposed to be a journalist; I can’t afford to be this afraid of people.
I was just wondering if anyone has had any expierience along these lines so long after quitting, or if it’s all in my head and i just need to suck it up. Thank you in advance.
Honestly the person who made this site has no clue about anything!! I have been on adderall ever since I was four quiting it cold was a bad idea I gained twice my weight in a year! It completely destroyed my matabolism & I suffer from severe depression and lack of confidence.
Hey everyone. I have been on Adderall XR 30mg daily for about 6 years. In the beginning I loved it, but it started really messing with me. The biggest side effect I had was that it made me crave alcohol. I was not a drinker before Adderall but once I was on the meds, I pretty much became an alcoholic. Since last year I have been wanting to quit, it made me into an angry person, anxiety, constant calf cramps, I picked my face, sweat like crazy and I began to really hate it. I have been wanting to quit for a while now. Right now I am on day 12, since I stopped taking it, it also made my beer cravings stop. I have maybe drank like twice since I stopped Adderall, which is a record for me. I am not going through withdrawal from both, so its been sucky. In the last 12 days I have gained 4 pounds, so it hasn’t been that bad. I think the only reason I have gained a little is because I stopped drinking simultaneously and am no consuming all the extra calories. Wanted to know if anyone else developed cravings like I did and how they dealt with it. Thanks.
It’s been 6 months gained 20 pounds only 2 extra percent body fat gotta stay busy at the gym so ok I’m a Lil slower reading things and maybe sometimes I gotta motivate myself but a friend told me it was good to see the old me I enjoy taking photos and maybe that helps with my add but fuck addis and fuck the people who couldnt hang … All in all addis were a wild ride n getting off them is a mindfuck but your stronger than it don’t let it beat you!
I just took 40mg of adderal by nose about three hours ago. I pray to God that I have the strength to quit because this was my first time and I hate. My self now. I just hope that our school disentangle have the monthly drug test any time soon. I wasn’t prescribed this and ill beat the whit out of the kid that offered It tome if he does again. Thank you all for being positive role models. I hope your quitting turns out well.
Since coming across this site this evening I have been excited, confused, sobbing uncontrollably and excited again. I’m so overwhelmed. Never in my life have I heard from such a large group of people with such similar stories, struggles and torments as I have since finding this site.
First of all, thank you thank you thank you!!!! To the creator of this site, and to all of you who continue to share your deepest troubles and fears with the rest of the world. I am so speechless and again as I write this I am beginning to cry. I think that the physical and emotional pain of withdrawing from any substance is extremely difficult to manage and overcome, especially on your own. But what touches me the most about this site and about all of you is the feeling that you have lost yourself because of this drug. I have lost myself and I’ve been struggling to acknowledge and resolve this fact for over 6 or 7 years now. I feel that I have been missing out on the life that was intended for me and on the person I was meant to be and, at 29, I am starting to feel like I’m running out of time.
I started taking adderall when my boyfriend gave me half of his script every month. I immediately noticed its positive effects on my school work and the weight loss was an added bonus that I devoured as a 22/23 year old woman. After buying my boyfriends script from him for over 1 ½ years we broke up and I scrambled to find out how to get my own. A loser friend I used to hang out with in high school told me of this psychiatrist she saw and verbatim said to me “you can literally go in and place an order…. He will give you whatever you want”.
That was the beginning of the end for me. I went to see this guy soon after she told me about him and sure enough, I told him I had ADD he said “ok”. I told him I needed Adderall he said, “ok”. After the second visit to see him I walked out with a prescription for SIX 20mg adderall a day (180 20mg / month). Of course, however, I needed way more than that, or so I thought, and I treated myself accordingly. There were days when I would take 10-15 of those 20’s a day easily. I’m sure there were days when I took more, in fact I know there were. The worst part is, after that second visit to that ‘doctor’ I didn’t feel like making the drive to his office every month and, what I’m sure will be of no surprise, he was a freak and I didn’t want to see him.
For FOUR YEARS!!!!!!!! all I had to do was call his voicemail, leave a message with my address and my script details and he fucking mailed the scripts to me every single month without fail (I moved 3 times over this period of time). Well technically, when I left the messages it was his RN who wrote the scripts and mailed them to me. I never met her once. Oh and did I mention that I also was prescribed 60 2mg xanax each month which I voluntarily increased the dosage for myself during one of my routine refill messages? I developed an fierce adderall habit, to put it mildly. Even though I am a member of the middle class I established what I deem to be the rich white girl’s legal cocaine addiction (or ‘diet coke’ as many call it).
Over the years I have become an alcoholic, manic depressive and frequently suicidal dope fiend (of the ‘legal’ variety). I have lost all sense of who I am and so by definition I have lost, or rather not become, who I am supposed to be. My true self is as familiar as a kid on a milk carton and any recollection of that person is as equally fleeting. During a couple suicide attempts I have overdosed on household medicines without others knowing but then just found myself throwing up all night only to be fine the next day. When I dated and lived with a state trooper I stole his gun on several occasions and sat with the loaded 9mm in my mouth, for 20 minutes straight sometimes, constantly squeezing the trigger halfway before casting my eyes over pictures of my parents, losing my nerve, and driving back home.
After constant battles with myself I changed doctors twice and found someone to manage my medication properly, or at least with reasonable discretion. I am now holding at four 10mg’s per day and have been at that dosage for about 1 ½ yrs. That being said I still hate the boring, shy, unanimated person I have become and remain as to this day.
After visiting this site tonight I cried and became overwhelmed quickly. I revisited the site all night and let wash over me all the feelings of agreement and fear that reading others’ comments confronted me with. Obviously, I have done this time and time again. I have thrown literally thousands of pills down the toilet and tonight was the last time.
Having found myself in a completely isolated existence (except for my parents whom I now live with) I no longer have people around me to tempt my addiction. I plan to stay as isolated as possible until I am ready to face the next challenge of squashing my addictive tendencies towards adderall in a social setting. Tonight I threw the rest of my script down the toilet (over two weeks worth) and took a picture. I want to have a visual reminder of where my mind and my life have been since I first began taking that shit.
Tonight I chose to put the drug down the toilet instead of my life and my soul. Tonight the adderall is what went spiraling down into the depths of our plumbing and not my heart and my mind. I traded places with that shit tonight and I hope to never turn back. I’m afraid and uncertain and fearful of the mood swings and lethargy I will most certainly experience (as I have before). However, I have chosen to be committed to the person I know I should be and to the person who is the real me. I refuse to stay devoted to the values and priorities of the addicted zombie that I am right now.
I hope there is someone out there who can relate to and/or benefit from this post as I have benefitted from the posts that are above. Again, I’m so grateful to everyone who has contributed to this site. You don’t know how much you have helped me. I am not religious but I am spiritual and your prayers and good wishes would do me good I think.
Once again, to the author of this site and all who have shared their stories, from the bottom of my heart….. Thank you 🙂
Hi my brothers and sisters first I would like to say take you to the creator of this web site thanks you and god give you speed for helping all of us addicted souls out her. I have spent countless of hours going thru deferent web sits for support our some answers on how to overcome this evil drug we call adderall. I am 5days clean from adderall 5 days in hell Curled-up
In a little ball like a new born baby. A little history about me I have been on adderall xr for 10 years now 60 to 90 ml a day plus some 20ml regular release xanex 8 ml per day 24-7 its bin a roller coaster ride up and down all day long drank alcohol on weekends in excess on top of all the drugs. Yes it is a miracles I am still living I am 55 years old a path of self-destruction for years. Back in nov 2011 I thought I have hit bottom I was having Psychotic Episodes and also physical symptoms like vertigo I could not walk or stand up for a month almost needed hospelisation for detox butt I did it on my own my doc told me to cut down or get off xanex so I did so. 3 months of stepping down. I could not get off the bensos cold turkey because of the risk of having seizures from being on the xanex long term . I am now on only 1 ml of xanex per days I need to get off xanex completely. One-step at a time now I am at the bottom. Lost my business lost my marriage lost the respect from my two good kids lost my friends lost my savings I am now alone and I have finally hit bottom I am actually happy I am at the bottom because there is no where to go from her butt to die it took me 10 years to get her it will thank me some time to get out of here. When I read your post it gives me the will to get clean and get off this so called fuckin meds. I thank all you brothers and sisters for listing to me blabber on about my pitiful existents I am hoping to get clean now and try to help anther people to get thru there own addictions I know my road to success will be a long recovery but I at least hit my final bottom right now and cant go much farther down. Thanks again for your support I will try to post ones a week to keep you in the loop of my progress GOD BLESS YOU ALL WHOM ARE SAFFERING WITH ME WE WILL ALL MAKE IT TOGETER.
Mike, I am about to start a new job for the department of education in 3 weeks. Although I want nothing more than to be myself and succeed in my new career, I have been taking Adderall for almost 8 years now and I don’t feel like this is the right time to try and quit cold turkey. I have a very high level of anxiety thanks to the medication and I never feel happy. There is always something wrong or something I should have done better. I have to take xanax to counteract the stress of living my life every day. I have a 3 year old daughter who doesn’t really know the real ME. I’m ready to be done with this crap but I am so dependant on it that skipping even a day, such as today while waiting for my doc’s appt, give me chills, rapid heart rate up to 170 resting, vomiting, bed for 12-14 hours. I can’t be like this during my 4 week training where I need to learn my new job and I wanted to know what your thoughts are. I’m thinking stepping down slowly is the best option for me in my current situation. Don’t you?
@Lindsay – Stepping down is ALWAYS the best option. Cold turkey only makes sense in cases where you keep abandoning the quitting process half way down the steps and still desperately want to quit. Cold turkey is definitely the nuclear option. Try step-down first if you can, and if you can stabilize your work and reduce your responsibilities a little first, do it.
I dont really know what to say except that I NEED to quit taking this crap. My life is so different now because of it. I started taking it 10 months ago after someone told me what it would do and how it would help with my homework. The problem is, the medication is not mine! I have 2 sons who are ADD and ADHD. I have been making them suffer because I have become dependent on their pills.
We moved to another state 2 years ago and ever since then I have been super depressed and lonely. My husband works all the time and I am now a stay at home mom. Before we moved I worked full-time, went to school, and was a rather good mom to my four children. Since taking this crap I have become a horrible mother, I yell and scream at my kids constantly because I am either coming down from binging on them for 3-4 days straight or because I feel so overwhelmed by all of the housework.
I get tired of being angry and overwhelmed with everyday things, so that pushes me to take more. I have gone up to 2 weeks without them before and was feeling great! I always feel great going without for a few days…until I look at my laundry room!
Anyways, Im sick of not being able to go to bed when I want or laying there with my heart almost beating out of my chest. At those times I feel like I have to take some sort of sleeping pills and end up taking way too much of multiple different pills (OTC) ones. And most times I just chug down a few bottles of wine or a bottle of hard liquor to get to sleep. But of course I wake up feeling like death and decide I cant take care of my 2 year old while feeling that way. Sooo, I take more. It is a never ending evil cycle. My kids are suffering horribly in school because I am a selfish, drug addicted mother. I don’t know what to do since I can’t get the pills out of my house permanently!
Oh ya, my husband ended up buying a safe to put them in the other day but I searched around until I found the keys. And I jus get plain PISSED when I know the pills are here but I cant get to them. I have no friends or family where I live and no one to turn to for help. I know I need to do something to occupy my time and take my mind off of the urge to take the pills but I’m always to messed up or “hung over” from them. I never get the chance for my head to clear up enough to start figuring out things I could be doing instead. I just want to be normal again!!!
Over 11 months off adderal this has been the most trying year of my life many ups and downs made some bad business decisions moved across the country lost about 30k had to move back home … But everything happens for a reason everyday I know I’m better not on that drug. On adderal I once was told 2 things that scared me one that I knew everything … Which I thought I really did and that I could never change. I’m happy to say that I have changed and I love to wake up everyday to start a new adventure to learn and grow as a person. I am making myself stronger and better everyday. If I could give some advice after quitting adderal do not make any snap decisions so long I let that drug make the choices in my life so when I got off I obviously made some wrong business decesions and life decesions. And although 2012 might not have been my year money can be remade and I will come back better and stronger.
Day 7 and I have gained 3lbs. But that’s with going to the gym and eating alittle more than I previously did on adderall but not that much where gaining 3lbs is warranted. Weight loss and gain is supposedly a “science” right? A lb is equal to 3500 calories… There is no way I ate 10,500 extra calories this week!!! So WHY in the world did I gain 3lbs!!!??? Yes I know 3lbs isn’t a big deal but it’s the fact that no matter what I eat I still have no control over my body and weight… Makes no sense. Anyone have any positive words of advice to offer? Will my body regulate itself? Is this just my body getting used to being off of adderall? Mike, any thoughts?
Hello everyone,
I’ am about to be twenty-three in a couple of days and have been taking stimulants on and off since I was only twelve-years-old. I was the wild child in school who was extremely caring but got in trouble for talking too much and not doing the work. Both of my parents are extremely successful (a doctor and scientist) and have given me every opportunity possible. I used to be so full of life, energetic, and funny. Now my life is full of chasing my dexedrine high even though I only take a small dose. I have panic attacks and feel like I’am cheating my way through life all the time. I used to smoke marijuana to curb the buzz but after mostly getting off of that I resort to drinking. Infact I’m drinking a beer right now. I now basically take my dexedrine for the buzz and just to wake up in the morning and find myself chasing it throughout the day with coffee until I begin to get too anxious. I hardly even get anything done on it anymore and would rather just watch tv or go on my phone or the internet. I’ am in nursing school and my biggest fear is that I will not get through the program with out this drug. Most of my friends are extremely successful (applying to grad-school, living on their own, etc.) . I cannot handle the thought of being a dissapointment again. However I think I’ am so desperate to feel and operate like a “normal” person I’ am willing to risk it. I want to be that fun person again who enjoys art and lives in the moment. As of now I can honestly say that I do not know myself. I’ am so thankful to have found a support network. My hope and my dream is to become a successful, independent, happy adult without this drug. Tomorrow will be my first day in a long time without the dexedrine and I have a big test on Tuesday. Thanks for listening.
Your writing is incredible and profoundly inspirational.
I started Adderall for the first time 5 days ago, and within 4 days I was experiencing severe dysphoria and suicidal depression. I (with great ambivalence) quit cold turkey and am still experiencing crippling withdrawal. After only 4 days of this drug, I cannot even begin to fathom the nightmare that you and others experience after being on a much higher dose it for years – not to mention the sheer force of will it must require to quit cold turkey after that duration of time. If I’m finding it this debilitating after what would frankly be considered an experiment, I shudder to think what would have happened had I stayed on it. I have immense respect for anyone able to conquer such a hell.
Adderall should be taken off the market for what it does to people.
I was recommended this web site by my cousin.
I am not sure whether this post is written by him as no one else know such detailed about my trouble.
You’re incredible! Thanks!
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Today marks two weeks for me, cold turkey. Only because I couldnt find them anywhere…I am SO relieved too! It has been a torturous, mind fuck of a time. I took it for over a year…NOT prescribed to me but easy to get ahold of. I got so bad I went into the worst thing that can happen to users, parasycosis(sp) I truley believed and somewheat still do that there are bugs everywhere, including on me, under my skin, eyes, etc. Noone can see them, including me, but they were there! Went to the hospital twice only to be put in the psych ward both times…they released me within a couple of hours….I wish they would have admiited me…it got BAD….I shaved off my eyebrows, had the house fumigated, threw away A LOT of things I wouldnt of pre-adderal. I cut my own hair, which was long, thinking I had bugs in my scalp. I showered in Dog flea and tick shampoo. I got rid of ALL my animals but 1. I threw out 27 household plants )one was 19yrs old) thinking they were holding the bugs. I sprayed the house continally with lysol…probably what killed the beta on the kitchen counter 🙁
I stayed at a motel for 10 days. I spent over 3000.00 on motels, creams, sprays, rewashing clothes over and over…thinking not enuff soap could be used. I even was convinced they were in the canned foods in the cabinet. I took samples of all kinds of things to the farm bureau only to be told there in NO bugs in your house. I didnt believe them. I had 2 different exterminators come to the house. BOTH telling me…NO BUGS! I didnt allow my son to come home from college for his once a month visit…terrified he would get bugs so we met half way and had lunch, walked the mall etc…not letting him kiss me goodbye or hug me terrified he would too get these “bugs”. I even bought a new laptop thinking they were in my old one…threw away the portable heater in the kitchen too…same reason.
Today, being 14 days out, All I can say is everyday is a constant struggle. I have none in the house and dont EVER plan on taking the “devil pill” again. I am still fatigued, VERY. I am emotional…I cry easily and Im NOT a cryer. I ache all over and in my head I hear just take a half one, youll feel better but my soul knows better and thats who I am listening too but it is NOT EASY! Ive always heard someone who takes the devil will need counseling, I can believe that 100% BUT I got control of me, I am the only one that suffers or benefits from my actions and or thinking. I have an awesome support group. My mama, my ex husband (who remains my best friend) our 10 yr old daughter and our son who will be a SR at U of I…a math major. I have so much to live for and see and I want to do that on my own….NOT w the help of the devil. I soooo look forward to the day I dont think about it or want it. I know it is coming, just gotta break throw these walls the devil is holdin up! NEVER EVER would I recomend adderall …. EVER!
My husband is next to me, sound asleep and Im awake, reading this website because i can’t sleep yet again thanks to the adderall in my system. I believe this situation has gotten out of my control. Im scared. I took adderall in my Jr. and Sr. years of high school and my freshman year of college. I never had a rx, though i was diagnosed ADD at 7 years old. My use started off as sporadic, mostly to get me thru finals. Then i started using it recreationally and used more and more to get the same effects. Luckily, i had enough sense to listen to my best friend when she said i needed to slow down. Flash forward 7 years later, to 2010….im a wife, a mother, working full time, and now attending night classes to get into nursing school. My ADD got a lot worse despite coping mechanisms i had utilized in school before. I was desperate, back in college trying to make things right at 27, so much was riding on this. I couldn’t fail. I was already under the care of a neurologist for migraines and i talked to her about my lack of focus and how i was scared it would affect my grades. Even though every word was true, i knew all the right things to say to get her to write that script. At first, i was good. I didnt want to be irresponsible like i was at 18, i was a grown up and learned my lesson. 1 20mg pill a day and that was it. After only a couple of months, i was knocking on my doctors door asking to be put on something else because it wasn’t working anymore. She increased the dose to 2 20mg tabs daily. Again, i started off taking my meds like a good girl. But working an 8-hour shift and then going straight to a 3 hour lecture with nothing but a granola bar in between….and doing this 2-3 times a week was getting rough. I began taking a 3rd pill, at first only on the days i had work and class. For fear that i would run short on my meds, i asked my dr. if she thought an extra pill here and there when i thought i needed it would hurt-leaving out the part that that’s what i had been doing. She saw no problems with it and increased my rx to 3 20mg pills a day, to ensure i wouldn’t run short. After a year, she relocated to the east coast and i was forced to find a new doctor. I didnt do enough research and found a neurologist that had little experience in dealing with ADD and prescribing adderall, but she agreed to continue my treatment in conjunction with my migraines. She immediately decreased my rx to 2 20mg pills a day explaining that 60mg a day was just too much and i did not need a rx for 90 pills if i was not taking 3 every single day. I nodded along with everything she said, hoping my compliance would not set off any warnings of drug seeking behavior. Having worked for a neurologist and going to nursing school, i had an unfair advantage and worked it to my benefit every chance. At this point i still had control. I only took an extra pill when i absolutely needed to, forced myself to have drug-free weekends to keep my tolerance in check, and even managed to build a small stockpile of extra pills as a “just in case.” more sleepless nights grew into hazy days and the times when i needed that extra 3rd pill were getting more and more frequent. Last semester was my first round of clinical rotations. The starting line of the most intense, academically challenging, and time consuming 2 years at which my bachelors in nursing sits, waiting for me at the finish line. Last semester, I began my decent into this slippery slope I have now grown to know all too well. I went down to working only 3 days a week to focus more on school but didn’t decrease my adderall use. Now, here we are. The last 5 months have been some of the most painful and trying of my life. Both myself and my husband were attending school full time, he works full time and I was working part time. We were almost never in the same room together with our son. I have abused and then rationed my supply for months now. Recently I was forced to quit cold, the first time for a week and this last time for 18 days, only because I had run out. Today I got my rx filled. Today I took 3. Today I find myself telling my story on a message board to hundreds of strangers when my own family doesn’t even know of my rx “treatment” with adderall. In the past 5 months I have lost more weight than I ever wanted to. People have started talking. I have gone for days without sleeping, seeing things at the dinner table that aren’t really there, forcing my husband to put me to bed like a child. I have lashed out at him. At my son. My family. Uncontrollable mood swings that go from laughing and feeling like I can take on the world an hour after my first pill to feeling so much anxiety, like the world is caving in only a few hours later. 2 pills were barely enough to get me out of bed, 3 hardly kept me focused on my studies and 4 pills a day were doing what 1 or 2 used to. I quit my job a month ago to transition into day classes at the end of the summer. The summer off was my husbands idea so u could start taking better care of myself and get healthy. Get off adderall. or at least get my consumption under control. Im so scared to live my life without it, im so scared of what will happen if I continue down this path. On it, I can take care of my family, the house, and be the amazing mom I want to be, that I have daydreamed of being every night I was in class and couldn’t tuck my son in. On it, mood swings, sleep deprivation and all, I feel like a better everything. This last bout without it was the worst. I couldn’t get out of bed. Pounding red bull after red bull as I popped movie after movie in the DVD player to occupy my son. The last 18 days I have felt worthless. Undeserving of such a wonderful husband and bright, young boy. I have been cranky and sad and taken it out on those I love the most. I keep telling myself, if I can just get it under control….just long enough to finish school. Then ill never touch the stuff again. Just a little longer, I can’t fail a second time and have the sacrifices I and my family have made all for nothing. Im so scared that i will fail without it. That i am not smart without it. I know can’t go on like this though. Its destroying me and i hate what i have become, so weak and powerless. I just dont know what to do. Quit. Yes, yes, I know. I dont think I know how. I had it all under control. And now I feel like im on the brink of losing everything with each passing day. Please, someone tell me there is a light at the end of the tunnel….
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I just have to say this is the most inspiring, and best site I have found to help me quit. If I’m having a hard time, I come here, read a few words and I feel soo much better. I just want to say thank you for making this site. I think I am ready. I really wanna see who I was meant to be! After 15 years on adderall plus the Ritalin before that… It’s gonna be hard… But the real me is up to the challenge. Lets do this!!!!! 🙂
I always told myself that im ok cause I don’t take it more than one 20mg/day in the morning even though my script calls for 2x20mg per day. This leaves me with a nice little stash in case for whatever reason I couldn’t get a script. I have taken 20mg per day for quite a few years now, and the very few days that I didn’t take it, I either slept or did absolutely nothing. When I watched the show preppers and I asked myself what I would need if the world came to an end… my only answer was my addys, cause when im on my dope, I can do anything, build anything, and for whatever reason I feel like a genius. This is when I realized that I have a problem and a huge secret. My GF for 2 years has no idea that I even take, I keep it locked up in my gun safe, along with 20k in guns and 10k in cash…. that’s how much this stuff means to me.. which is why I know I have to quit.. thanks for this site. its been 2 days addy free and im a mess, I cant complete a single task at work and I just feel stupid…. hopefully this site is motivation enough to keep going dope free…
adderrall makes anything better. and gives motivation to do anything. I compare it to that movie limitless. I envy people that function without it. It is nice to know that I am not the only one who has a problem although from some of the posts it seems that many others have concurrent psychological issues other than ADD. When you start talking about cocktails of antidepressants and stimulants and then sedatives on top of that.. I cant imagine that life and I pray for you. fortunately but unfortunately addys are all I take and I hope to get off soon as it has been a 10 year prescription, but only for the past few years have I taken it every single day, as soon as I wake up. it just makes the day more fun as you all know. I have been very successful so far in life graduating college and being promoted and a few job moves has me at 33yo making close to 100k a year as an accounting dept mgr and I just look back and wonder if everything had been possible without ms addy, my best friend and true love. great site. I think it would be fun to imagine all of posters sitting in a circle talking about Adderall after we had all popped some 40s.
well.. I had an addy free weekend. I was so surprised to find myself actually being able to pay attention in church rather than my mind relentlessly going through all the tasks that I was to complete after church. I actually had no problem talking to people and carrying on a conversation off my addy. Addy always made me talk and be much more social at least that is what I thought. I can live my life without this stuff and be successful. I didn’t spend my weekend on the couch and sleeping and I did get a few things done around the house also. Its all in your head and yes the first few days are rough, but you can do it. I do love my addy and it does make everyday much more fun and time just flies by, but I realized that I’m not a vegetable without it and I can function. Some days will be tough, but if I can do this then anybody can…
Hi. I don’t know if I am posting properly to this site so I may not put too much down at first. But the time has come to give up the adderal. I have had two doctors, unaware of the other, writing me scripts for 5 30mg pills each day. 180 a month from both doctors . . . so 360 pills a month and often would run out early. Yesterday, when picking up my script, the pharmacist gave me the rundown of my activity and consequently said my script was void and cut me off. So there it is. I do have some anxiety about stopping so abruptly. Although, when I first started taking the medication over 5 years ago, the doctor told me something to the effect that the half-life of the drug is short therefore leaves the system very fast minimizing any physical addiction. I am aware of the emotional and mental addiction and will be seeking out healthy alternatives to provide me with all that I believe Adderal gave me. At this point my real concerns surround any repercussions that may arise from the pharmacist search and discussions with each of the doctors. I am not sure if I have done anything illegal. I don’t know if I should expect a police officer at my door and my face to get posted in the local paper or if I just get flagged on some great database in the sky that will forever prevent me from getting any medications again. Either way, I’ll just keep breathing and putting one foot in front of the other. Now, lets see if this posts.
Although this was painful to read, it was also very helpful to know that my experience is so many other peoples’ experiences. I have been taking Adderall for about 9 years. I have weaned myself from 30mg XR which was giving me heart palpitations to splitting a 15mg regular adderall tab in half. But I have not been able to go any further.
Along with losing creativity, I have lost my laid back self. I am a socially anxious mess as a result of adderall.
The reason I am worried about getting off adderall is that I’m afraid I won’t be able to hold my job. Would you recommend taking time off for at least the first couple weeks? Also, do you have diet recommendations as well?
this website has given me hope. thank you, all of you, whoever you are wherever you may be for your words. I have been taking adderall for 2 or more years. It’s been so long I honestly cannot remember when I started taking it. I have tried and tried and tried to quit. I have gone weeks at a time with out adderall and for some reason I keep running back to it. I am currently pregnant and my doctor doesn’t recommend for me to quit, but I have 90 days left in my pregnancy and I want to be completely off of adderall the day I bring my son into this world. For the last six months of my pregnancy I have slowly reduced the amount I take daily, however there are days, I feel like I need more and take to much. I am so worried about my child, I am so depressed knowing that I have to wake up and take this pill or I won’t make it through my day. I am more than determined to quit. Sadly today cannot be day one because I have taken some already today, but I know, 8:10pm on August 7 2013, I have and will stick to making the decision to quit. Reading the words “you are going to quit adderall” brought tears to my eyes. I have never read that or had someone tell me that. I know I am ready. I can do this. I will quit.
Thank you all again, honestly. This has been the most influential reading.
-Amanda
I quit through the use of magnesium, adrafinil for 10 days, b complex, finish oil, and l theanine which was a life saver. I weaned off for 1 week snd in 10 days was much much better. The worst part is knowing you can go to the doctor and start again. I also see a cognitive behavioral therapist. Addiction. Has been a problem my entire life, quit opiated in 2007 along with Xanax and my doctor gives me adderral. The same doctor who helped me get off of the opiates. 5 years clean 1 year on adderral and I was back to that feeling of guilt. Get over the guilt snd look forward, I promise you it will work.
Switch doctors.
Hi everyone! I completely agree with the author in this case.
Here is how i quit using adderall.
I start using Retalin and adderall at School and i was never prescribed to those drugs. However my major was an engineering in Computer science and also i had a minor major in Electronic Media. So can you imagine a student with 20 credits every semester studying hard science every single day. I had so much homework to do, so my real body couldn’t afford to produce much dopamine in my brain to handle my motivation to do tasks.
I start using adderall and Retalin, 4 weeks(this is nothing compare pre-scripted patients ).Well for 4 weeks it was working until my head start Hurting, i felt like my brain having a big pressure inside my skull, then my nose start bleeding on the morning and then i got paranoid about my health. I did’t went to the doctor appointments because i did’t want that he will put me in the list with other people who abusing adderall. so i decided to do cold-turkey method, this is the only one method to quit such a drugs. It’s very hard to do, very hard, even if you used those drugs for a month. the best friends in this case will be YOU and only you. You have to realize that your brain is the power of everything around you. If you Want to quit you have to tell your self a lot of reasons why you want to quit. Also you have to realized that withdrawal could be very hard, but also could be easy. My friend was prescribed to Adderall for 2 years, he quit adder all without any sides effects or depressions or any negative feeling about(happens in 5% of all people who used those drugs). But you might not 5% of those people and it might hurt you even more than i described. Here is what i did!
1. When you wake up, start your day with 20-40 push up or pull up.
2. make yourself a breakfast even if you not hungry-EAT IT!!!!!!
3. Drink vitamins everyday.(Do NOT drink energy drinks!!! DO NOT!!!!!!!)
4. tell yourself that you don’t need drugs to do tasks. Be proud of yourself that you quitting!!
5. Stay strong, eat well, and try to be social(Being social might be very hard, because you might feel depressed)
6. Do not drop your everyday tasks activities. Just do it no matter whatever it takes.
7. Do not Drink alcohol, remember alcohol is one of the sours of dopamine in your brain, it will bring you back to use those drags again.
8. After 2-7 days, you will be fine=))))) Really, i don’t really know why author said 30 days, but amphetamine goes away from your body in aprox. 72 hours . After 72 hours your brain will feel sucks((( Because of low amount of dopamine will be released… It took me about 3-4 days to pass a withdraw process and my headache was gone after a week not using it.
Good luck people. Our minds is stronger that we though, our mind can control things like quitting smoking using drugs etc. Believe in yourself! Remember your power in yourself. Stop being a pussy, just fucking do it, survive !!! Like you will surviving at the war for your life.
P.S My English is my second language, i learned English in 3 years(not using adderall). For those “smart” MotherFucker who will critically judging me for my grammar: I’m proud of myself for what i’ve done in my life being an immigrant in USA. I have more that other Americans don’t have, I study harder that others and i don’t need to prove to those idiots who think they smart because they know a little better their native language than I do. Stop Judging people, start with yourself like i did, we all not perfect, but in this case wrote this toping to help and motivate those people who need help to be themselves.
Thank you and good luck! Be strong!
I have been on Ritalin since 4th grade,and adderol since h.s. I am extremely ADHD . I’m born in 1982 and writing this December 2013 for a frame of reference. I have gone through all the ups and downs of this drug. Furthermore, I have abused this drug countless times on binders snorting over a 100mg a night to keep going. This drug is so awesome yet so horrible. I decided to quit after my last of one of these binders followed by a productive work week which I had to take double because my body was beat. My body was so dehydrated my pee was dark yellow almost brown. I had cotton mouth headaches and was getting no sleep. After my week I couldn’t shut it down. I couldn’t sleep started having heart palpations and said enough is enough. This drug has me on my end. I’m depressed and explosive and I’ve had enough. This is my fourth day with out it, and it’s rough but getting easier. Headaches are still a problem. I’ll write a better article here , was just looking for some encouragement and decided to write this. If you read this it is hard but it is worth it I’m seeing that more everyday.
2014Recovery
December 31, 2013 at 4:44 pm
Hi I am in search for serious recovery aids from amphetamine addiction damage as I’ve been a seriously full on daily amphetamine user for years now and have only ever been able to handle a week max of cold turkey attempts due to the withdrawal being extremely intense and unbearable. Yeah pretty worried about the damage it’s done so I’ve realised I really need to seek extra withdrawal support if I’m to successfully recover. I’ve since learnt about megadose amino acid therapy does wonders for getting through withdrawals and rapidly restoring neurotransmitter balances thereby speeding up the whole process and not only that but reducing withdrawals by 70-80% intensity and even eliminating them and cravings by the 4th day, feeling amazing by the 8th day and all completed by day 10 back to normal. It’s serious though as it’s not just taking capsules or powder it’s having daily intravenous amino acid and relevant cofactors and enzymes therapy every day as an outpatient for 10days. As I haven’t heard much about this till recently I wanted to ask if anyone here /reading this post has ever done this kind of thing? And if so could you PLEASE share your experience and your background addiction level (I.e. if u have been as severe addict as me) ??
I would love to hear of other people’s experiences who have actually done intravenous amino acid addiction therapy and find out if it really is as good as I’ve learnt for relatively painless recovery from amphetamine/? And which clinic you went to? I’m pretty eager to give it a go, it could only help or leave me in the same spot I’m in now anyway? Thanks..
I am in between, trying to decide whether I should stop taking adderall or not. My journey started a year ago, when a friend of mine introduced me to adderall. I took it once and felt like the whole world has come to a complete stop and I could focus. It was weird but a great feeling. I found out what adderall was used for and turns out majority of the ADHD symptoms related to me. So I went to the doctor and told him about myself and my life and asked what he thought and he agreed that I had ADHD. He started me on 5mg which we kept for a month, then 10mg which continued for a year, it worked great to control my symptoms. I completed all my tasks, my room always looked spotless. I was always a great student but had to try 10 x harder then the other students to achieve a good score, but yet never achived straight A’s. With adderall I felt like I could take notes in class and pay attention to what the professor was saying, before it was a constant battle. Everything about my life with Adderall is perfect. I have never done any drugs, I don’t drink and I don’t smoke. I have never been addicted to anything.
The only reason I am debating about stoping Adderall is because it makes me super mellow sometimes and I am usually a very outgoing and energetic person, I miss that about myself. Even though my outgoing self was kind of inappropriate at times, It didn’t matter because I loved it. I still love my new self on adderall, but sometimes I feel out of place. I am so confused and not sure about what I should do….I just started 20 mg this month…maybe the dose is too high?
I’m proud to say I’m on day 12 of quitting.
I’ve been on this drug for about 6 years (quit for a year in between)
I am having horrible insomnia this time around 🙁 which is weird because before I would over-sleep.
My partner is also quitting with me and she seems to be taking the withdrawal symptoms a lot better than me. She sleep A LOT. She was only on the drug for a few months though.
Any tips for insomnia and depression?
I quit cocaine about half a year ago… and since quitting the adderall I have been having intense cravings for it 🙁
I am in the process of adopting a beautiful little boy who just turned 4. He is on adderall clonidine intuniv and guanfacine…. I want him off. I want to know who he is and who he can be– I love him and am afraid for him to grow up on this mess. This sight has been a God-send of information and what to expect….I feel awful for these kids in foster care and social service circles who are parented by medication…. Sad we now live in a world where you can’t spank a kid but you can dope him out of his soul for his own good. Pray for Bentley… We are seeking his freedom!
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I have been on Adderall since February. Started low dose 10mg. Theb 20xr. Up to 30 ir daily. And spiraled into a script of 60mg a day. Though I know 60mg a day is less than what some people struggle with. And if you have quit, absolute hats off to you. Iv been trying off and on to quit for awhile. Some days seem easier than others. I qo a day. Sometimes 2 without…but then my mind and body need to fill the void. And I may take a full days dose at once time.. but im still sluggish, no motivation. Etc. And I remember the days I have saved up that I could take. Its a roller coaster. And I know it causes problems. Most of all with my relationship. All I ever hear anyone say about people who have some issue with meds is. “thats your problem” ” your a druggie” “its all in your head” etc. It hurts… I have been visiting here off and on. Slowly getting inspired by stories. And the advice. Sometimes I wish some of these people knew what it was like. But I know its wrong to wish this kind of thing on someone. I just want understandment from the people I even begin to try and open up to about this. But no one can do that unless they have been here.. iv quit smoking, alcohol, pot, numerous other thinfs. And Iv always told myself. Moderation is the first step to curing addiction. But this one takes the cake. Half the time I converse with people, hell probably right now; I am possibly on a rant of repetitions or talking about one thing but making a point about another. Which I do in real life. Back to relationships. That causes huge problems. I forget things. Forget arguments. Appointments. Birthdays. Reasons why im arguing. Etc. Some days im on an auto pilot blurr. Weather I am medicated or not.. latley I have done fairly well with quitting and not taking or making up for higher dosage. Of course the absolute exhausted feelings and bodily and mental pains I feel are there. And I fight the day in hopes to make it out on the other side. Sometimes I fail. Sometimes I succeed. Mostly I will fail. Or feel bad because people are saying. You do t look good. Your being lazy. Or griping me out as to why im not doing well. It hurts. I cant bring myself to tell them what I am going through. So I just take my meds. And I lose another day and another struggle..my biggest fear isnt the long term effects of my health. But my relationship. Im scared of losing someone who feels I dont care for them. Or that I dont try. They know I take Adderall. But not the struggle behind it. Im just the villain because I let it effect me so much, that im a bad person when im going through the trying to quit parts. And the people I love just dont understand. The scariest part is living without them. Not Adderall. But one perpetuates the cycle of the other. Im scared. And I wish I could show and have the person I love most and the people I love read this. But I feel too weak and dont want to be looked at, as a failure. Or troubled or weak. But..I probably wont. And they will never understand me. Or what im feeling. Even if I have told them. :/
i quit drinking and smoking cold turkey after doing it daily for 36 years. i drove 11-12 hours a day, and a dr. prescribed it to me. 30mg a day xr. to help me stay awake. all demons, bad ones, like all others, after day 1, im chasing that first high, too live and chase a lie. usually i will eat all 30 of 30 mg. in 2 days. no shit..long story short–i now get 40 mg ir for each day,,and as many more i want of 10-20- and 30 mg. for a high price.. i quit cold turkey alot of times, so i knew i could do it like smokes and booze. each time is the same. i cant even move for 4 days. never out of bed–cant feed me or my dog. cant even take out trash. day 6 i can move a little better. almost normal. its bullshit…its legal cocaine in a pill. thats it. i know i od’d 2 times, taking 10-12 a day for 2-3 days like they were m and m’s candy. dry heaving till my eyes bled and popped out of there sockets. luck dont say a thing about why im still here. the last 3 yrs of drinking before i quit, was because i drank as much as could all day hoping that i would not wake up the next day. if i did it, so can you..addiction is the devils bite that is deep, bleeds, and will never let go of its fangs. never ever as u know. im a fucked up genious on how to stay fucked up every second of every day. never say never–never say die- i ljust want to share and maybe help someone. i can go on for hours about living in hell..while trying to get myself there on purpose. it aint life. be honest–95 % of people are fake and cant handle the truth. Spit in there face and tell them to go to the nearest bakery to get the caked on crap scraped off there face they call make up. its there eminence front and shield. soo sad but true thx for reading. dave a
I am so glad to have found this website. I was first prescribed a stimulant when I was in a office job and having trouble focusing. Prior to this, I completed a Bachelors degree and graduate degree with no medication. I am still taking it at this time and, I have found that it comes with both positives and negatives.
I think it has been hard for me to quit most recently b/c my doctor keeps telling me that I am not dependent, but rather that I NEED it since I have ADHD. He equates it to people who have diabetes needing their insulin. I think that is a bit of a stretch and was curious what others think? It is particularly frustrating to me that he supports this idea b/c I originally went to his clinic with false promises that they could provide alternatives to prescription meds. I have lots of questions, but wanted to ask Mike a few first:
1) Do you find it hard to motivate outside of your job on household chores,paperwork etc.?
2)How do you motivate yourself to get this stuff done?
Thank you all so much for your comments!
Wow. After reading this and being both addicted to meth and adderall I’ve decided that they are exactly the same thing.. even more than I could imagine.
Wow. Ty.
I have wanted to quit for more than 5 years. It al started the one time I took an extra XR on the afternoon to get more school work done than my day time attention highs could cover. Since this, my addiction has been a raging downward spiral. I easily go though a 30 day script in 7-10 day. I tell myself every single time that this time, I’ll use it the way I’m supposed to. If I can just manage that, I’ll be so much better than if I keep slammed the pills in a self perpetuating flurry of reckless motivation.
I spend the vast majority of my time in withdrawl because I go through it in a week and can only fill one perscription a month. And when I do have it, I’m usually in the throes of amphetamine psychosis. I just have that 1 or 2 good days months. I can’t do it anymore.
No one has a clue. I look healthy, I’m successful, married to my soul mate. No one has a clue I’m on the edge of death.
No I’m terrified it’s too late. That I’ll get clean and go to the doctor and find something wrong with me, or I’ll have a heart attack on my 30s on a treadmill. I know if I don’t quit now, my whole life is at risk. I wish someone would make me stop.
I’ve been on Adderall since 2010. I now take 60mg a day. I’ve been out almost two weeks now because of taking more than that. I am also enduring lorazepam withdrawal for about the last five days. I take 3 different antidepressants because of dual diagnosis. There are so many posts here that hot home. Mike, are you still out there?
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This website is encouraging for me because I have wanted to quit for a long time. I am a stay at home mom and have 4 little kids, including a 6 month old that still wakes up a few times a night. I have always been a tired person and now it’s tripled. I can’t wait to get up and take my pill. I spend a lot of my day at home and when I don’t take it (which is never anymore), I just want to go to sleep. Any suggestions for stay at home moms?
I have been taking Adderall/Vyvanse for over 10 years now. I unfortunately slowly increased my dose as needed and now need 400mg of Vyvanse to even tell I took any and on many days I will take it twice a day. On the days I don’t have any meds I can not seem to even get out of bed.
When I first started taking Vyvanse (started on Addreall but quickly switched to Vyvanse) I would take it on Friday afternoon after work. I would clean the entire house and be in bed by 3am tops. Then on Saturday morning I would take another one or two and mow and clean my entire yard.
Now it is to the point I can not get anything done, I have no motivation, unless I take a hand full of pills. I can never seem to get my entire house clean regardless of the number of continuous days I try.
I have created my own business doing Accounting, Bookkeeping, and Tax Preparation but I seem to have started letting it go downhill. I am very lucky to be employed at the company I have been at for over ten years and I managed (may be a bad thing) make my own work schedule. I work only when I want to or even work from home.
My addiction is taking a toll on my (2.5 years, 5 years together) marriage. When I do not have any meds all I want to do is sleep and it is causing lots of problems. Even when I try so hard to stay awake I always manage to fall asleep. My husband does not know the extent of the addiction I have, he knows the doctor writes me a script but that’s is all.
I want to stop this insanity but don’t know how. I just went four days with no meds hoping the sleeping would start to ease up but no luck.
It just keeps getting worse.
I hope this site can help me.
My psychiatrist retired and I dont have an appointment for 2 months with new doctor and I’m already out. I am so tired of my life being controlled by adderall but I am so afraid I will not be able to function without it, which has happened in the past when I’ve run out and is getting worse. I depend on it for everything I do now. I take my own script in a week, then my kids scripts, then get it from the street. I have been sober from alcohol and other drugs for almost 2 years and have convinced myself adderall is prescribed so ok, even tho I take way more then prescription and even get it illegally. I appreciate this website and can 100% relate and pray that I can stop because this is hell.
Hey y’all.. I hope you get around to reading this. There is hope!!
Next Thursday marks my 3 year anniversary of being completely clean from adderall. I’ve also been completely clean and sober from all drugs and alcohol for this time. I was admitted to rehab because of my problem with address and it saved my life. I was dead inside. I can relate to everything you say. Still sometimes, I’m not 100% convinced that I’m an alcoholic, but the twelve step program I work tells me that I probably am (given my history with adderall) so I don’t drink. That’s neither here or there. There are only three things I needed to get better.
Honesty… This is so important. I couldn’t be honest with myself about how bad things had gotten, and when I could I did not know how to act on that. I resorted to lying, cheating and stealing to get what I wanted. I stole from my own family to obtain adderall. I had hit an emotional rock bottom.
Willingness…
Take suggestions. Try going to an AA or NA meeting. It doesn’t matter which one. Talk to a therapist. Research addiction IOPs in your area and call them up, it’s all confidential. They can give free assessments. If you want a better life, you have to put in the footwork.
Open-mindedness…
When my loved ones saw that I was struggling and reached out, or when I read posts on this site, I eventually slowly came around to considering attending 12-step meetings or attending an intensive outpatient program. In my 3 years being in recovery, working in the recovery industry now too, I cannot tell you how many people I have met who are in recovery from adderall/vyvanse abuse. I know there is a stigma with mental health issues and the word ‘addiction’, but when it comes to these dire straits- losing families or jobs- we have to look past our pride a little.
Finally, I just wanted to reiterate that there IS life without adderall and it IS AMAZING! This site gave me so much hope when I was in such a dark spot years ago. Now, I’m back in school, I have healthy relationships, I’m financially self-sufficient and I have such a deep love for this life. I am able to cry when I am sad, laugh so hard I cry, and feel EVERYTHING. I had to learn how to live again, after numbing myself for so long with this pill that silenced my soul, but it has been so worth it.
Life became so much better when I stopped tried to control everything.
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