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August 1st, 2008 by Mike1. Your coworkers’ snide comments about your productivity
What you’re heart screams: Lazy? Unproductive?! I used to run this place! My years of hyper-productivity built the foundations you’re working from even today! Remember? Remember how I was the head ox pulling the cart? Most of my current attitude and lack of pro-activeness/productivity comes from the fact that I hate this job now because I don’t have pills that force me to like it!
The temptation: I so miss being the hero at work! I miss the admiration of my coworkers and the feeling of wild efficacy. I mean, I was happy and I had passion, right? Even if it was manufactured I was having so much fun! My days were so filled! And with all that I’ve learned and all the changes my mind has gone through over this quitting period I could accomplish so much more if I dived back in!
2. Your girlfriend/boyfriend’s frustration
What you’re heart screams: Please don’t go! I know it’s hard! I know I’m probably way less attractive to you right now, but please hang in there! I’ll get better I promise; it’s just going to take some time for me to rebuild! I’m still that guy you fell in love with! I’m even better…just give me the time to show you!
The temptation: I can’t lose her. Maybe I have to go back to my old way. It’s starting to look like the only way to save us. I know I’ll probably resent her for it, but I can’t take the way she doesn’t look at me anymore.
Tips: When the girl/guy you love is less attracted to you and secretly (or not so secretly) wants “the old you” back, it can kill you inside…way worse than the disappointed coworker agony.
First off, I really hope you took my advice and warned your significant other in advance.
Other than that, you have to make efforts to show her/him real signs of progress as often as possible (e.g., if you’ve started doodling again as a first step towards reviving your drawing skills, show her some of the stuff you’ve done…as crappy as you think it might be…at least make sure to tell her you’ve drawn some stuff).
But ultimately there may be nothing you can do. As difficult as it may be, you have to remember that you are doing the right thing for you. But you need to understand that expecting your significant other to stick by you and wait patiently while you revamp yourself from scratch may not be a realistic (or fair) expectation to place on them.
You can expect one of three outcomes in this regard…
- It’s meant to be now. They’ll stick by you no matter what.
- It’s meant to be later, but you’re going to have to break up first, rebuild yourself more, then meet again later when you’re better.
- It’s not meant to be. You break up. That’s it. Later, once you’ve rebuilt enough of yourself, you find somebody who makes you twice as happy as they did.
You must be truly open to any of these 3 outcomes. Do not bet all your chips on the hope for one particular outcome (i.e., #1).
3. A good cause
The temptation: My newfound off-Adderall clarity has guided me to this wonderful idea that is so on-purpose and within my true passions — but it’s taking so painfully long for me to muster up the drive to execute it fully! And what if I miss out on my purpose because I take too long to execute it and somebody else does it and invalidates me? I could get half the whole project done in one night on Adderall! Ok, maybe two nights. But then I’d be done!
4. Disapproval/Accusations
In general, your ego is going to be sensitive during your rebuilding period. When your ego gets threatened (i.e., when you have to face some accusation about how worthless you are), you are going to retreat into two places: 1. The superman you were on Adderall, 2. The vague image of the wonderful person you’re going to be once you’re done rebuilding.
What your heart screams: If only you could see me as I was or as I’m going to be! I’m not worthless!
The temptation: I could take a pill and shut you up right now.
Remember: Trust me, when they see you after you’ve recovered, you’ll good friends will understand. It’s during your recovery…when you’re a lazy slug, that you get ridiculed. Ironically, when you’ve recovered more and don’t need the support as much, you’ll get it. The less you inconvenience people around you by your quitting, the less of an issue this will be.
5. Depression/Losing Faith
The temptation: I’ve been miserable and worthless for way too long. I can’t be depressed my whole life! Maybe it’s just a chemical thing and I need my meds. Maybe Adderall was just the right medication for me.
It’s not that big a deal. Some people take Zanex because they have anxiety problems…maybe I just chemically need Adderall because I’m naturally lazy/unfocused and need to compensate so I can be as productive as others are naturally. Maybe this whole “robs me of my true calling” shtick I’ve been on is just me blowing it out of proportion. Maybe taking Adderall is actually the only way for me to be effective and happy as a person, and I’m here not taking it and wondering why I’m miserable.
What got me through it: Always remember that you are not depressed because of chemicals; you are depressed because your life sucks right now.
Hat tip to the exceptional post “10 articles that changed my life” by Shaun @ LifeReboot for pointing this out to me.
You’ve suddenly realized that the life you are living is not the one you want. The only thing that keeps you running besides your dull adhesion to a minimum daily routine (work, sleep, shower, etc) is the amount of faith you have that the vision of what your future can be is real and attainable and eventual. When you’re just running on faith and small steps, it’s pretty easy for you to slide into misery on any given day.
It’s easy to take a look at your immediate environment and get horribly depressed. But once you make that big step (you should know what that is within 6 months of your last pill) your immediate environment will be completely different.
Use your depression as a catalyst for big change. Stay strong. Keep the faith. It’ll pay off for you in spades. It’s just going to take some time. Fist concentrate on wrenching your life into what it was meant to be, getting yourself into that environment you crave. Once you get there your day is going to be so different that you will be different. And my guess is, your mood will be swinging from “quietly but deeply satisfied” to “dizzyingly happy and rapturous” (vs. swinging between “burst of faith and confidence in your rebuilding” and “fallen back into depression”).
To me the top situation that temps me to take adderall is boredom. I have found that as long as I keep myself busy doing things like going out in public or hanging out with friends is the best way to keep your mind off adderall. I take it to get stuff done and I don’t want to be tweaked out when I am trying to socialize or relax with friends.
For me the top situation would be a important test or the final for a class that i am having a hard time in
Trying to find a job seems incredibly difficult right now but I’m steering clear of the pill thanks to this site. About a month ago I was reading other people’s comments thinking ‘that could never be me’… I can’t believe how far I’ve come. I’ve quit compleetley and don’t even crave the pill. For those of you here thinking it’s impossible, I swear that’s how it felt and if I made it so can you! I even quit smoking, I feel like a whole new person, at first it was he’ll but now it’s heavenly!!
Hell**
I am struggling so much with #2 I moved away from my ex boyfriend after it was becoming apparent I could not stay away from him. When we were going out he had been the one to push me to quit taking it. Basically I felt I was going to loose him if I didn’t quit. So i rushed right out and joined a multitude of sobriety groups to try and “fix” the problem I had developed. I had done well in the beginning I became really into sobriety and living my life. The more sober I became the more I realized I couldn’t be with my boyfriend. Not only was I extremely clingy during out relationship (which I had never been in a serious relationship before or cared to give attention to any boys) but I needed constant reassurance that he loved me, cared about my well being, thought I was pretty, funnny etc. Our relationship quickly died after quitting. Then even though I had made the decision to break up with him and move to a different city to get away I became obsessed with him. Without him I felt like I had no desire to do anything life had lost its meaning to me because I had decided for a long time (for me at least) to make him my number one priority. Crazy thing is…hes not someone I really consider myself to be compatible with or even have a strong connection with. Which drives me even more crazy that I’m still desperately wishing he would rescue me from this nightmare I live in. I was clean since 5/13/2011 from adderall until a few days ago I convinced myself that I could take the pills for just one week get my classes, weight under control and all would be good. Its only been 3 days and I feel like I’ve been on them a for a year again. The odd thing is before I was abusing adderall and vyvannse so much that I took up into the 100’s on a daily basis. Now I’m taking 40 mg of adderall a day and I’m in more pain then I was before. I can’t eat, can’t sleep, I have anxiety every minute of the day, my mouth is in excruciating pain and all I want to do is disappear. I mainly started taking adderall because I am a severe bulimic without it. So which one is the lesser of two evils? Being thin (even though its a malnurished depressing thing) and not being plagued by thoughts of what you’ll allow yourself to eat today even though you know you can’t control your eating or constantly staying close by your bathroom.. Sorry I know Ive been going for a while here i’m just so shocked I found this site…i really have always thought I just felt this way but every single persons comments are exact thoughts I have daily. I don’t know whats going to happen…I change my mind on what I’ll do every 5 min. Its weird when I talk about it with someone although I’ve felt like I was going to burst if I didn’t try to convey to someone how messed up i felt I get so unemotional when I would talk about it…so my friends and family have never and still don’t understand how hopeless, depressed, and lost I feel. Good luck to everyone and especially those who suffer from an eating disorder
Dani-
I thought I wrote all of that and didn’t remember. Shockingly similar.
I am a wife, and mother of 3 beautiful boys- 12,9, & 5. I have been taking adderall for the last 10 years with only a 6 month break. I am trying so hard to quit. I take way to much on a daily basis and can’t get out of bed without it. It really helps to hear all of your stories of struggles and know that I am not alone in my fight to quit. Thank you for sharing.
This website is my only support. I am a fifty year old mom with four kids two are adult and on their own and two are at home. I have tried several times before to quit but gave in. It’s now the end of day two off of it. It’s been soooo hard! My husband has no idea I take adderall. He knows I take antidepressants and have switched meds but not adderall. He is not a supportive Person. I told him how horrible I was feeling getting off the “medicine”. He said a couple of supportive words and left for work no word from him since not even a phone call. I think living with him all these years prompted my adderal addiction It has filled that void of living with someone who only cares for himself.I have a 11 year old daughter that I need to care for it took all the strength I had to go out to the store with her and then I layed on the sofa the rest of the day. I have no living parents and have been estranged from my brothers and sister since my mothers death. I know I’m rambling here but this is just so tough my mind wrestles with just taking a pill to don’t because when I do I get tons if stuff done but when I come down from it I have crying spells and angry and very irritable. I am dreading tomorrow I pray it’s not a repeat of today. The hardest part is doing this alone to be honest it is hard to even go on. But I have no choice I have my children. I feel nauseous and horrible. Thank you for reading this at least someone is out there to hear what my life is like off adderal it is the worst drug to ever take you feel invincible on it you can do it all. But it takes your soul.
To all – it’s extremely important to remember that although this drug makes you feel invincible, makes you feel 1000% more productive, and makes you feel like you’d have never achieved all that you have without it, Adderall does NOTHING for you that you couldn’t otherwise have done without it. Nothing. It does not make you smarter. It does not make you skinny. It does not make you more creative. It DOES make you less of you and more of, well, not you. Key point to remember is this: this drug does NOT empower you, it does quite the opposite. True empowerment starts and ends with you. Human willpower knows no real bounds; the artificial willpower that Adderall replaces it with ends in 4-8 hours. Stay the course. Keep up the good fight. It is SO worth it.
My g/f just told me about her adderall use 2 days ago. We had been drinking and having fun and like usual, we were feeling pretty good until as usual when excessive drinking is involved, she snapped.
That night were calmly sitting in the living room listening to music and talking nicely. It was a beautiful evening. After a while she non chalantly told me she was using amphetemine salts. So I started asking questions about it. We ended up on a website and looked up the signs of Adderall dependance and she had so many of them–teeth grinding, sore jaw, irritability, horrible insomnia followed by days of not wanting to get out of bed, hair loss, throwing up, very odd behavior, depression etc. In fact, she had told me that very morning that she had taken a depression test online and it told her she was depressed.
Even with all her symptoms listed in living color right in front of us on the website, she became extremely defensive. One by one she rationalized every one of the symptoms. I read to her what the article said, “If you have any of these ‘severe’ symptoms, tell your doctor.” And to that point, earier she had told me that she never tells her doctor of her symptoms because she doesn’t want him to think she is crazy and like all the other losers that hang out in the waiting room. Wow, I was heartbroken. She was not seeing it! And under he adderall fueled alcohol buzz, she made me feel like an insecure fool for being concerned. She yelled at me and made no sense. I begged her to please tell her counselor and let him decide if you need to stop taking it. She became beligerant and I went to bed almost hyperventalating thinking, “I need to get out of this relationship, she is absolutely crazy and has no sympathy or care for how this is affecting me!”
Just the night before we went to a party. We had gotten drunk and were having loads of fun. At the time I didn’t know she was on adderall. But turns out she popped some adderall to stay awake and party longer which brought out her second personality. At that point it was inevitable that we would end up in an arguing. In her rage, she declared us broken up and that I was an insecure jerk and insisted we leave at 4am. At least she was nice enough to drive me home. As I watched her stare intensely focused onto the road ahead, quickly puffing down a cigarette, I couldn’t figure out how we ended up in this situation again. And when we got home, she dropped me off, stayed in her car and drove to a random parking lot and slept in her car until dawn. Of course she could not sleep cuz she was amped up. And the next day–the day she finally confessed to me she was an Adderall–she must have popped several because she was awake all day and ended up being awake for about 40 hours–8am Saturday until Midnight on Monday morning.
This odd behavior had been repeated several times over the past several months that I knew her. I thought it was how she reacted to alcohol. But it was more than that. It was alcohol under Adderall and I see it so clearly now.
Another time she left my home at 4am and walked home while I was asleep cuz she was upset with me. And looking back I now know she was amped up on adderall and alcohol because of her extreme temper, irrational behavior and total lack of feeling sympathy. Possibly her low point from what I can tell happened only a couple weeks ago after we got in an argument at a family party. Again in hindsight I know she was flying on Adderall cuz she was chain smoking, obnoxious and the life of the party. That night we argued again after we got home. She sobbed and sobbed like I had never seen before. I fell asleep feeling everything would be OK after she cried it out and I comforted her. But a few hours later I woke up and she was gone. I looked through the house, and then outside to see if her car was there. It was. I looked around again and found her asleep in luke warm water in my bath tub. How long she was there I have no idea. For a few seconds I though she had died in my bathtub! Only her face was above the water line and she was out cold.
And all this time I was blaming myself. Not long ago I had experienced what I thought was a breakthrough of my own. I realized that I should try to make her as happy as I could and leave no doubt that I loved and cared for her. I started by being only supportive to her, keeping any negative remarks to myself and replacing them with supportive words if needed. I began making her dinner, giving her long massages, caring for her daughter while she slept off the adderall, keeping the home clean, lots of hugs and even special treatment in the bedroom. Sending her sweet messages and letting her know I was on my mind. But we would always end up in the same place–we would go out and have some drinks, she would be amped up on adderall (unbeknownst to me) and her second personality would come out–the personality that not only didn’t care about me, but attacked me for being insecure, waved her finger in my face while she bitched me out, while I would try to calm her down. But in that state she would find no sympathy for me. And the next day she would be her own sweet insecure self and we would talk it through and I would say, “this is the last time we have to go through this.”
But today I think she broke through. Just 2 days after telling me she was taking it, she sobered up and I think is ready to try to kick it. She agrees that she has warning signs and she told me the had no idea the she NEEDED it to function until today. She has been trying to quit cold turkey the past couple days, but I know that won’t work–she has a job and has to spend time with her daughter instead of sleeping. I told her I am SO VERY HAPPY and that I am there for her. Please sleep as long as you need. I won’t judge you, I won’t snap at you, I won’t be a jerk, I will happily do all the housework, I just want you to be better. I want you to be like the woman who wakes up and is so very sincere and sweet (and very tired LOL), the woman who is around before the adderall is in her system.
From what I read online, you don’t want to try to quit this stuff cold turkey. She tried very hard today not to take a pill but she had to go to work. I told her, “yes you have to take a pill” you can’t just quit. I’m hoping she has the courage and will power to ween off of adderall over the next several months. She has the support from me. I hope we can spend a nice quiet summer letting her sleep through the weekends if she needs to, staying away from the parties, and slowly ridding her need for this. She has become a chain smoking, miserable, sleep deprived and depressed person lately. She is 27 and is losing her hair, and she has told me that she feels her life is spiraling out of control. I want her back the way she used to be. I hope she can do it, I know it will take a while. My biggest fear is that she will have a setback and be afraid to tell me and then have to start lying to me. But I am hopeful and ready for the challenge.
I will try to post back on this website with updates. Today is day 1. Who knows, maybe she’ll be searching the internet for support like I am right now and read this and know it was her and reply. And her reply would be, “I am so very happy for our new life together.”
Jim..
I hope this doesn’t come off as rude. .I think its great you are so understanding of your gf and not sure if yall are even together today. But quite honestly I think many of your heroic claims to keeping the house immaculate and paying such special and extra attn to your gf are exaggerated. At least I hope they are…if not, then I think you show some serious signs of codependency and wonder if the two of you might be a match made in hell. Do you have a life of your own? Work? School? How do you have all of this free time to take care of your gfs life and responsibilities as well as your own? Maybe you’re being a little too clingy and forcing this upon her. Stop giving her an easy out and telling her to sleep all wkend and take her pills during the wk. She can’t have an easy balance of life with pills and life without pills at the same time. I don’t know her exact situation but I think you’re going about this all wrong. It seems like you’re constantly REMINDING her of the pills if anything and maybe even causing more stress. She needs to find out what works for her in order to successfully quit. You babying her and deciding when it is and isn’t appropriate for her to self medicate isn’t going to help. Honestly you are coming off as insecure by putting your life on hold and carrying hers…I think she’ll resent you later. This is my first time ever replying to one of these boards and maybe i shouldve held my tongue..but for some reason your post really got under my skin. You seem spineless and needy…and i think she may be better off with someone who will either put their foot down or maybe even no one at all right now. Have things gotten better yet?
I read Jim’s post and then your reply…. You have plenty of words to throw at Jim who has been dealing with a lot, so it sounds… so allow me to provide you with a little “constructive criticism” for you…. This may be your first time commenting on any post and I would highly recommend you keep your shallow minded, one sided assumptions to yourself. You don’t know Jim, you don’t know the person he is intimately involved with, and yet you feel its okay to attack his character and claims of what he’s dealing with, by substituting your “own version” of the situation. This is what people call “speculation”, and you might need to look that one up judging by the quality of moral character your reply indicates about you. You start with “I hope this doesn’t come off as rude” and lead into “you show some serious signs of codependency and wonder if the two of you might be a match made in hell. Do you have a life of your own? Work? School? ” “You seem spineless and needy…” etc etc… You clearly don’t care one bit about Jim, his situation, OR his signifiant others situation, and yet you try to mask your own made up version, personal anger, jealously, bullying, and internet trash talk as “concern for you both”. Im calling BS to you, your fake “pretend to care so I can trash you” reply. I bet you really tried hard Gigi to “not come off as rude”… Bottom line here is Jim didn’t make whoever he’s involved with take drugs, that was HER decision alone to do. He obviously care’s much for this person and is trying to help, even though it may not be the perfect way he isnt doing anything unreasonable and has countless times encouraged her deal and be honest with her Dr. on the issue. Jim didn’t force anyone into taking drugs just as much as he didn’t “Forced you to make your first internet post reply”… Although something tells me that in your ill mind, you probably feel he was also the cause for your own rude, derogatory, and completely asinine reply…
I have been off of Adderall XR now for about 3 months after taking it for 9 years (50mg daily). The first week after quitting, all I could do was sleep and eat. Lately I have been able to stay awake pretty much the entire day, but I still don’t feel like doing anything. Almost nothing I used to enjoy gives me any amount of pleasure. I barely leave my apartment, and when I do it takes an enormous amount of effort. Its pathetic. I gained almost 25 pounds, I quit my job, and I am soon to be evicted from where I live as a result. I keep trying to tell myself that quitting Adderall was a good decision, but I can’t ignore what is becoming of my life. While on Adderall, I used to be a very motivated person, and never had a problem accomplishing virtually any task I set my mind on. I want to be that person again, but I don’t want a pill to run my life. I am so tired I don’t even know if this makes any sense. If it does, Please offer me some advice. I need help and I don’t know what to do.
Day two of trying to quit been on heavy dose for years started when my son was diagnosed with ADHD then he was not able to take them from side effects. So I tried them just to see why, well holy crap I found a miracle pill. It made me more alert and work fast. I went to the same center and got my own prescription was very easy here u go sir 30mg 2x daily. Ok I have had my own buisness for I think 3 years already without going into details I do home repairs. Well now on my pill I could do my work, clean the home, take care of my child (single parent) , learn new skills built my own web site at nights, did home improvements remodeled entire house, bought a foreclosed house remodeled it to sell, started another hobby restoring very complex machines that included cosmetic and mechanical fun all nighterers. But these projects are throwing me off managing my own home repairs buisness that has made me a very good amount of money office work is boring and dealing with actual people with emotions such a drag ,” this is what needs to be done say yes or I’m out of here,’. I want big projects to boast my success after finishing them, then I’m like cool look what I finished where’s the next one? Ok let’s see no service calls who cares I got these projects. I can tell you the projects I get into could be a full time job but wait this is a hobby money can be made but no one calls in absolute need for them now it’s not even fun , I have kids that instead of enjoying family activities I dread them got that project to finish, ok enough!!!!! f?$$ that pill I got to quit or no doubt a early grave and life of regret is left behind.
Minds racing all over maybe this pill made me have ADHD for real. Very normally emotionless had losses of family and on adderal had to fake emotions so it seemed like I cared, not that I didn’t but this pill sure lets you move on. Think everything’s crashing down I feel human again somewhat I recall how much when I started adderall I loved it but the last couple of months it seems like I’ve been immune no matter how many I took just could not get the buzz I had when I started so either I take more blow up my heart on overdosing or quit so I gotta quit the focus with adderall has already been gone for months nothing matters except keeping busy no focus on family relationship or even my business is found. I think being self employed quitting may be easier nobody but myself judges my productivity. I feel like I’ve missed the last couple of years of life yes I have a lot of material items to show but emotionally I’ve been a robot hell sex was not even important 1-2 times a week is fine and could care less if it didn’t happen, it’s been easy to stay loyal when a hot girl walks by I don’t even take a 2nd glance what happened?
(Chants)…CAL-VIN! CAL-VIN! CAL-VIN!
I initially stopped taking the pill because I needed to, not that I wanted to, but now I’m wanting to continue the pill-less lifestyle because it’s low maintenance, i can sleep (which feels great), and nowadays i enjoy not caring SO MUCH about being successful (especially when before i was so caught up i didn’t care it was making me a drug addict and destroying my health/life, and giving me gray hairs)
I started taking it in college and continued taking it one year after college. This is my 3rd time quitting this year. The first time I quit was for 2 months and the second time I quit was for 3 months.
I was taking doses of 40 -100 mg for about 6 years and have been off it for a month and 1 week now. I cut my doses down gradually (best method). Most importantly you NEVER up your dose in the process of gradual decreases (messes everything up). From 3 20mg IR pills/day 1 month to 2 20mg pills the next month and 1 20mg the last month to zero in the present. I’ve passed the awful fatigue, which lasted for 2 weeks after my last pill.
The biggest challenge is battling the boredom associated to a mundane existence, but I’ve come to realize it’s my fault it’s that way. Financial constraints is one of the biggest things holding me down at the moment.I’m job hunting right now but when I finally get one i’m going to save up money and travel like I always wanted to. I want to move somewhere new and rid the boredom I feel in my hometown that ultimately leads me unsatisfied and craving happiness. Keeping things interesting is the key. (You have to initially sacrifice happiness, such as going out,shopping, etc. for a period in the beginning in order to keep things interesting in the long term)
I’m feeling much better now. I started taking the pill because I loved the feeling/how productive it made me/how secure it made me feel/how it relieved my depression. Then I continued to take the pill because I couldn’t bear the dreadful comedowns and later stages of excessive feelings of boredom. but I learned you need to try cause that’s life. Don’t be afraid of failure and lacking interest in things. That’s life, you don’t need to be interested in everything. If you can’t focus on something that’s you’re brain telling you not to pay attention because that’s boring and that’s alright(because now you keep searching and won’t deprive yourself of something you TRULY are interested in) .
Anyway I went off on sort of a rant there, but would like you all to know the best part of quitting is i’m finally getting to know the real me (the me I neglected for 6 years, which turns out to be an alright guy for a human). Give yourself another (real) chance.
Calvin, don’t get caught up in the cycle of karma.
Wow, I can’t believe I found this website. I’ve been wanting to quit but the temptations you stated above are similar to the demons that dance inside my head. I’m a senior in college and am currently “studying” for the Lsat; I want to go to law school next year and accredit a lot of who I am now with getting prescribed adderall almost four years ago now. Damn. I usually go one-two weeks without it because I binge my 30 pills of 70mg vyvanse and 60 pills of 15mg adderall usually within one to two weeks. To get a sense of where I’m at right now, this past script I knew I needed to start weening off of it so I lowered my dosage to 60 10mg adderalls and gave my prescription to my sister to hold. That lasted a week before it was back in my hands and now I’ve been up for two nights and convinced myself three hours ago to take my last vyvanse because I just want to be done. You mentioned such relevant, eye opening things so far in what I’m reading on your site and I just wanted to thank you for sharing your success with this powerful, powerful drug. Taking this medication, like you said, is holding me back from the real feeling I’m desperately seeking. I love feeling up and I have always hated sleeping. I’m not lazy at all but am well versed with the days ahead of me. For me, day 2 and 3 are usually the hardest and things start looking up after that. I’m hoping since my abuse only makes it two weeks that it won’t be as hard for me as some of these other stories I’ve been reading. I hate the fact that I’m dependent on drugs from the government or even dependency for anything too be honest. Of course, I’m currently sleep deprived, and feeling invincible at the moment, but I just wanted to add what I’ve been telling myself about this time around. Regardless of the chemical dependency, the power of the mind can reign supreme. I’m going to utilize the wealth of information on vitamins to take and already work out daily (but recently only on adderall now). This drug is literally despicable but I love how it makes me crave knowledge. However, I know I’m not myself on it but owe a lot to the person I’ve become too it. I’m not at my full potential though, I don’t run at my highest efficiency and you put that into context for me. Anyways, I’m going into this with the thought that it’s all in my head and adderall has brought me too this point now it’s up to me to press on. I want to go to the library, where I am currently at, for hours on end pursuing knowledge and achieving greatness that allows me to feel good when I accomplish my goals. On adderall I never feel like the work I’ve done is good enough, and I owe it to myself to take the reigns of my horse and race this carriage to infinity–before its too late. Yeah, I’m going to do it and I’m going to try my hardest to continue doing the amount of work I do on it, without it. It inhibits my ability to creatively think at times, process information systematically, and be the best I can be. It took me a couple years to agree with the logic of not needing a drug to be hungry for knowledge. I know for a fact I don’t have ADHD like I’ve convinced many doctors and even became clinically diagnosed by curving the PIT to favor my need for treatment. It’s a joke but I want to get high off learning, for real now. I’ll try and post my experience but thank you for this website, I was worried I wouldn’t find anything I could relate too. Apparently, I was very wrong indeed.
I’ve been abusing Adderall now for 2 years, thank you for making this article, I’ve been researching for months about every single detail about the drug, what a waste of my time, I remember who i used to be, super creative, motive, curious,…. Also, I had a base of beliefs, (what I think about different things), as you stated, “always looking for the approval of others) or along those lines, I don’t mean to sound selfish, but I was raised obediant and scared from the dissaproval of my father, as I’m grown and experience the true beauty of the world for the first time with open eyes, I numb the experience, with adderal… I’m ready to move on from the approval of people… I’m ready to live my life and actually be who I am!! Throw your adderal away! Not your life!
If your going through madness from adderal withdrawl, use your madness to form who you truly are… Anyone judging you and making you paranoid of their dissaproval of you, forget them, just be happy your pain shows, your depression is what forms you back again, sounds alot better than artificial happiness and forming artificial relationships… I apologize if my grammer is off, I am very addicted to adderal but this is what I truly believe about quitting adderal.. The depression slowly forms you, let it make you who you are and snap out of the addiction and find yourself.