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Tarrah’s Struggle With Adderall

I remember my first Adderall. I took a small orange pill and went to class. Twenty minutes later, I felt an amazing rush…raising my hand…asking questions…performing better in class. Then, the next day I went to class not on Adderall. It sucked. I purchased 30 Adderall from a friend. When those ran out, I went and got my own prescription. Hooked. It was seriously that easy for me to get hooked.

I took Adderall in college and maintained a 4.0 GPA nearly the entire time. My social life suffered. I prioritized homework, studying, cleaning and other physical tasks over spending time with my family and friends. My family came to visit me at my college, and I blew them off because I was too tweaked out to go eat dinner with them. I grew so far apart from my family and friends because I was too “adderalled up” to care about seeing them. School, cleaning, or impulsive projects ruled my life. I was an impetuous prescription pill junkie. My outgoing and enticing personality changed; I became nervous, edgy, and irritable.

Adderall abuse led me to chain-smoking cigarettes and a killer alcohol addiction. I drank every night to calm down and get sleep. However, some nights I did not sleep at all.

My logic transformed to better suit my addiction.

A few of my favorite Adderall-friendly rules of reasoning included:

  1. 5 hours of sleep is enough! I know I can just wake up and take Adderall if I’m tired!
  2. I can stay up and drink all night! I will just take an Adderall and feel okay tomorrow!
  3. I’m going to take an Adderall and <insert task here>
  4. One more Adderall will get me through this work day…
  5. This party would be so much more fun on Adderall.
  6. In order to go out, I need an Adderall.
  7. I’m drunk. An Adderall will sober me up.

You know what I do not miss? Waking up drained every morning…..only to take a pill that boosted me up, but at the same time sucked the life out of me. I do not miss the perpetual cycle of abuse that I called my life. I was a slave to a small orange pill. I was imprisoned, and I thought I could never accomplish anything without it. It has been three weeks since I’ve taken an Adderall. I tossed out the Adderall and all of my other addictions went with it. No more cigarettes (I associated the cigs with Adderall, don’t even crave them anymore). I drink maybe once a week if I feel like going out. If you think you can’t quit Adderall, I promise you can. I was HEAVILY addicted to Adderall and abused it to no end. I thought quitting Adderall would require rehab, but somehow I was able to quit without it. The first week off of it was extremely rough; I felt worthless. I thought every day about going to get another prescription. Last Monday I drove to work and realized that I did not want an Adderall. I cried because I thought I would never have that feeling in this lifetime. It is truly amazing.

Now, I have my attitude and personality back. I realized that I can do this! I am not a slave to a pill. I am much calmer and actually work much better without it. I know that I accomplish every task on my own….with own willpower and my own discipline. There is no better feeling. Saying good-bye to Adderall is possible, and life is great without it.

64 Responses to “Tarrah’s Struggle With Adderall”

  1. sick of adderall control says:

    Tarrah it is inspiring to read about ur addiction and how you kicked it.I want to stop and I want to feel like the old me! I was energetic and happy before I started taking this poison. I hate staying up 2days at a time and abusing my prescription and then I get down to 5 pills and 2weeks before I can fill it, I become a waste of a person in bed missing out on life and I know it because around is so happy, I am actually jealous cuz I have this addiction and everyone around me does
    not. not that I want them to go thru this, I just want my life back. Did you have to get on some antidepressents to help you feel normal or even happy again? I’m Zoloft, but I dont know if it even works cuz I’m still on the adderall. If not how long did it take you to feel like your normal self again?

  2. Anonymous says:

    I emailed you! Feel free to contact me. You can do it. :)

  3. John says:

    Tarrah, I just want to say that your post is awesome. I can relate soo much to all of it. Especially the first Adderall friendly rule about 5 hours of sleep being “enough”. Really cool and inspiring post. Thank you for it

  4. Tarrah says:

    John,

    It means a lot to me that others are inspired by this! I’ve been off of it for nearly 6 weeks now….going strong! It feels great knowing that other people can relate to the pain of addiction. It is so hard to overcome it, but once you do….you realize how truly powerful you are (and it’s not artificial power; it’s real).

  5. Brandalyn says:

    Tarrah,

    Your story is definitely inspiring, I have been on adderall and vyvance for 2 yrs and just quit cold turkey three days ago and feel like I’m dying basically.. I would never wish this feeling upon anyone. I realize I will never get my life back unless I quit this horrible drug.

  6. Tarrah says:

    Bandalyn,

    I felt MISERABLE the first week off of adderall. I MEAN MISERABLE! I was exhausted, cranky, starving and pissed off at the world. I’m telling you…the first 7 days are terrible. Good news? It doesn’t get much worse after 7 days (or it didn’t for me, and I was taking 90-120 mg a day). I started picking up the peices after that…and I realized that I could not go back to it. Hang in there! Check out this website! Rent some movies! Eat celery and peanut butter and healthy snacks (I’m sure you will be really hungry; I ate everything in my house). Think of the fact that you will regain what you’ve lost from taking adderall. You have so much to gain and I know you can do it! (Trust me; if I can quit adderall, I feel like anyone can…it ruled my life for almost 5 years).

  7. Kathleen says:

    Tarrah,

    Your story parallels exactly where I am at…during college and after, I have made excuse after excuse to take an Adderall. I felt like I was the girl in your story….except I haven’t gotten to the part of being able to fully ween off. I am taking it slowly. I was up to about 80 MGs a day and got down to 132 pounds at 5’8. I am down to taking 20 MGs because I am on the “Step down Program”. These are my last few weeks on Adderall. I am already feeling tired and afraid of going without…but I am feeling so happy that I am not feeling strung out any longer.

    I am afraid of weight gain, because like you, I chain smoke when on Adderall. Besides that, I don’t desire cigarettes. Adderall, started out for me like a “miracle drug” into a choatic nightmare of addiction, isolation and a life filled with excuses. Your story makes me realize that this does happen to other people and Adderall is powerful enough to shift everything around in a person’s life.

    Thank you for your story. I hope to continue my journey with quitting and hopefully I’ll get to a point where I sit in my car and realize I don’t want to pick up that “last” prescription.

  8. Tarrah says:

    Kathleen,

    I’m so glad that you are inspired by this. Weight gain was my biggest fear. I am 5’8 and weighed 135 when I was on adderall. I have gained weight but I look healthy. I am on a diet and joined a gym where I exercise six days a week, my cardiovascular system is wrecked from amphetamine (adderall) abuse, but working out is making me stronger. You can do it. I feel like Anyone can overcome adderall addiction since I was able to. My crAvings for adderall were stronger than hunger or thirst; now I crave health and happiness. You can do it Kathleen!!!

  9. Tarrah says:

    Kathleen,

    I’m so glad that you are inspired by this. Weight gain was my biggest fear. I am 5’8 and weighed 135 when I was on adderall. I have gained weight but I look healthy. I am on a diet and joined a gym where I exercise six days a week, my cardiovascular system is wrecked from amphetamine (adderall) abuse, but working out is making me stronger. You can do it. I feel like Anyone can overcome adderall addiction since I was able to. My crAvings for adderall were stronger than hunger or thirst; now I crave health and happiness. You can do it Kathleen!

  10. Kathleen says:

    Tarrah, Thank you for your response!

    I am starting the exercise and have gained 2 pounds(It looks so much better than the meth bones I was rocking–haha)–but I will never trade sleep or food for any drug. I’m on 15 MGs(step down) a day now with vitamin B, coffee and tons of healthy but yummy food. I forgot what feeling hungry was like….but I am feeling healthier..Adderall just had me so spun out that I forgot about the simple things in life. Did you ever tell you parents or family about your struggle with the drug?

    Thank you for sharing your story and your kind words:):)–

  11. Tarrah says:

    Glad to hear you are eating again.Doesn’t it feel great to be healthier?
    I did not tell my family until I quit. I showed my mom this article and she cried. She wishes I would have told her sooner, but is so happy to have the “old Tarrah” back. We are closer than ever. I would suggest telling your family if you are ready to do so. You may find that they are more supportive than you think. Hang in there!

  12. Ashley says:

    I keep reading all of these and being like wouldn’t that be amazing to quit but I really feel like everyone on here is so much stronger than I am and like it’s finals season and so quitting is out of the cards for me until my last test because I can’t do that week of hell but I just wanted to say that you’re a star for quitting, I actually can’t get my head around how you did it. Kind of, but actually really, jealous :S

  13. Anonymous says:

    Tarrah,

    That’s awesome to hear. I’m happy for you! It does feel super good…right now I’m on day 3 of NOTHING–not going to lie, I am tempted and I feel like hell today. I am so freaking tired of living on a speed high…so I skipped the step down method and went from 15 MGS to nothing. B12, tons of energy drinks and God will get me through this.

    My Dad is a pharmacist and knows. Every morning, I write him an email and he constantly tells me–”your receptors in your brain are resetting,this will get easier with exercise,sleep and food. we are proud of you–you do not want to be addicted to a section II narcotic for the rest of your life. we love you, you can do this.” He says my problem with this is not accepting boredom–when you’re on adderall its like a fun adventure everyday..I’m accepting that is not how life truly is…

    Thank you again for sharing your story–I am glad to hear you are doing well:)

  14. Kathleen says:

    PS-THE LAST POST WAS MINE–forgot to include my name!

  15. Tarrah says:

    Ashley,

    You can do it! The one week of hell is worth it; I promise. I came to the point where adderall was destroying my life, and I hope that you do not reach that point too. It’s also hard for me to wrap my mind around how I quit; perhaps some sort of divine intervention took place that I am not quite aware of just yet. You will know when you are ready to change to and ready to say goodbye to adderall. I wish you the best!

  16. Tarrah says:

    Kathleen,

    Wow! I am so glad to hear that you found the strength to quit! If you go to GNC and get “5-HTP 100″, then you may find that it will help stabilize your moods and suppress hunger (it costs about 14 dollars). It’s a drug-free vitamin, and it helped me greatly (merely a suggestion for you). I wish you the best of luck! Let me know how you are doing! I’d love to be here to help you through this!

  17. Jon says:

    Letting everyone know that I, as someone who personally knows her, am very proud of her for having mounted the strength the quit the addiction. She is a wonderful person on here and in real life; what you’re seeing in her writing her is really her. So while she is healthier now without addiction, she has been and still is a beautiful person.
    T, though I didn’t that you had this struggle, you know that I care about you, and am very proud of you. Keep it up. The world can be difficult sometimes, but you know you have people who love you, and you’re always welcome at our house.
    Love,
    J&M

  18. Brian says:

    I’m about to quit adderall and ween myself off cymbalta. I’ve been on them for about 2 years now. I started them in college and it helped a ton but now I take like 120mg-160mg a day and run out way before my refill.

    I have no feelings and find absolutely nothing entertaining unless it’s the short amount of time I feel great at the beginning of the month. Thank you for this post and hopefully I will have the same success.

  19. Elaine says:

    Give yourself time. Take time off if you can. Skip a semester if you’re in school. The fatigue you feel after quitting is very much related to adrenal fatigue, from not sleeping enough, driving your body to exhaustion.
    When you quit, remember you first priority is not your work, your schoolwork, your chores, etc, etc. Your top priority should be to get to restore your health. After continuous adderall use, your kidneys, heart, adrenal glands, liver are exhausted and your immune system is underperforming.
    Eat well. Avoid junk food. Soups are great to hydrate and heal you. Fruits and vegetables ( especially consumed raw) are excellent source of fiber that keeps you full and help you from binge eating. Sleep as much as you can. Rest, take walks, watch fun movies. Remember this is the time to really love your body and help it heal.
    And trust me, once you’ve done that, it will reward you; “Healthy body, healthy mind”

  20. anonymous says:

    Tarrah,

    Thanks for your story and the positive feedback and responses. I can relate in many ways and have been able to discontinue using adderall for a few weeks but always end up feeling the need to use it during a stressful time at work and end up using it regularly again. I see that it’s been a couple months since your last post and would really like to know if you have been able to stay away from it still and how you are doing. Thanks again for your story and inspiring words. My hope is your are staying strong and can provide support on what has helped you make it this far.

  21. Tarrah says:

    I am still adderall free! I have been working out a lot and taking a lot of vitamin b12. Also, researching the terrible damage that adderall does to the cardiovascular system keeps me away from it. My mom has also been very supportive and thinks that I’m so much better now. I also enjoy waking up and not feeling strung out…. Look for support in your friends and family. It gets easier with time…. You can do it!!! I can honestly say that life without adderall is so much better than life consumed by addiction and dependency.

  22. Brooke says:

    Tarrah-
    You have truly inspired me. This is my first post, and my first time ever admitting that I have a severe addiction. I have to stop. I started taking adderall in OCT 2010.. And my story isn’t much different than most… The honeymoon period, then all downhill. I feel like I can not remember who I was, or how it felt, to go one minute of the day not on adderal. I look back at pictures of myself from before this began and I wonder how I was ever “happy” without it bc now I am a nervous wreck if I even come close to not having my pills for the day.
    There have been nights I have cried laying my daughter down to sleep because I was so ashamed that the time she spent with her mommy that day wasn’t real. My health has deteriorated so badly that I have developed a panic disorder and have had adderall induced panic attacks that have made me feel like I was going to die… And I still didn’t stop. This is my first step I guess- typing this response and reading these posts. Thank you.

  23. Alexis says:

    This was great to read. I’ve always been a health conscious individual with a strong aversion to drug and alcohol. Wasn’t the best in school unless in was a subject I was interested in then I excelled and had a ”natural ability” which showed in whatever I hyper focused on. So then I learned I didn’t have a lack of being able to focus but rather I had the ability to hyper focus and directed it towards my interests, thus completely ignoring the rest that I found to be excruciatingly boring. I, as well as most of us taking adderall, have incredibly creative minds and highly intelligent thinking. That alone, without proper outlets or sufficient understanding of the fact that we operate above normal rather than being different thus thinking we must be below normal, can be very isolating. I felt like no one could understand that I was capable of learning, actually extremely capable, and know I just had a different way of learning. Im a person of why’s. I crave the why’s and need to understand which growing up in this society where conformity is not just encouraged its expected, being inquisitive is considered defiant and difficult. ex. if I were asked to jump. I would ask why am I jumping? why do you want me to jump? how high? and so on. I got an F on a math test when I was a kid and had to bring it home for a parent signature. there were three columns of problems I did the first set of problems (each correct) and the other two columns I left blank and doodled on the back. When my mom asked why I didn’t complete the whole quiz I said because I already knew how to do it. That background being said….I started taking adderall to studye and pass a financial exam to be a financial advisor. Talk about trying to focus on incredibly mundane and bordome induced material of stocks bonds and options. adderall was great at first allowing my mind to for one have a singular focus, that is if I never got up in the middle only to notice the house was dirty and racing off on tangent ultimately being counterproductive. So I studied in a clean room to avoid tangents. Then it was so much fun to actually study and retain the information and take notes, but I found that I started taking notes on EVERYTHING to the point where where I was basically rewriting each chapter. But I didn’t mind because it was fun so fun I couldn’t wait to study wishing I had these pills in high school. I got them from a friend who got them from Mexico so when I ran out I was just out not really long enough time or availability to develop an addiction. so I took it on and off if I happened to get it not actively pursuing it. eventually landing a job with benefits I got a prescription (shame on my doctor for writing it so readily and easy after a few questions). so it is an amazing thing if you sleep right force yourself to maintain eating and drink water and exercise AND are taking adderall it adds to productivity and is great. now if you use adderall not to add but to use in place of that’s when it sux. It can lead to your problematic symptoms listed on this site but it is not the cause of them. Being sleep deprived and malnourished are the cause for all unhealthy behaviors and mental downfall. I’m a creative writer at age 24 and I love it evermore on adderall that being said I’ve skipped sleeping and can’t pull myself away to eat at time. it became a bad cycle of no sleep feeling tired having to take more to maintain and accommodate lifestyle. So then I crashed hard and slept my next day off…ALL day. I thought if I crashed that hard I’m taking an unhealthy amount by really it was I wasn’t sleeping or eating. so I stopped but found myself studdering and unable to think of the “right” word and my mind would go blank, even halting my ability to write out a thought CRAZY WRITERS BLOCK. So what once made me exceptional at something I was already good at ultimately was a double edge sword. I went back on same thing happened I loved writing at night through the night and skipped sleep. but now I think my brain just needed that recovery week that’s miserable and once over that hump ill be back. DAY one today….I’m extremely tired and can’t stop eating…my biggest problem is (oh the irony) I work at a mattress retailer and its painfully hard being reminded of how much I want to sleep!! just another persons story…

  24. Alexis says:

    so much for health on day two…coca cola bags of chips and multiple snickers very exhausted all day

  25. Alexis says:

    Hang in there Alexis! The first week is HELL. I seriously ate everything in my house and dozed off frequently. It is not going to be easy, but I promise that you can do this! I remember laying in my bed the first week off adderall; I could not stop shaking, crying, sweating….
    I understand your pain. It will get easier in time….

    I promise.

    Hang in there!

  26. Lisa says:

    These stories are all inspiring me to start my quest to quit. I have realized that Adderall has made me a totally different person. I feel like I am being so deceitful and a liar because I have to “sneak” pills and not telling anyone how much I am taking. I feel like a fake, a fraud and so on. The bad thing is, I lost 70 lbs BEFORE ever taking this drug and now, since taking it, I can’t loose anymore. It can feel it totally taking over my life.

  27. wordup says:

    I came across this website about 15 days ago &I was inspired… then, I tried to ignore it, then, I semi-worshipped it… I’ve have a script for adderall for about 3 years … got them when I went to college… and my story was very similar to yours! I used to rationalize the same things… especially drinking a lot… then, sobering up with them or rationalizing ‘fixing’ the hangovers with them. I also became a lot less social when I didn’t drink… I became a nervous weirdo who found solice in tweaking and doing chores, projects, assignments, or even crafts! Anything to focus on that wasn’t REAL… menial, material, worldly things that made me feel like I was PRODUCTIVE, therefore, worth something in this world. It’s only been 9 days since I quit… but, I’m starting to feel better already!! I’m creating things I am proud of… no 10 page papers or works of art in one night… but, quality work! without adderall! I have much less anxiety and I feel a stronger more genuine connection to my friends, lover, and family! With the help of espresso, I got it through the first week without quitting my job! I’m a little worried that I’ll feel more pressure to do adderall again when school starts back up… but, now, I know where to turn… Quitting IS possible! Your story inspired me a lot! Thank you. much love, Namaste

  28. wordup says:

    Brooke,

    hang in there!! I’m so proud you made the first step to post in here and just talk about it… it seems corny to say things like ‘first step’ but really… “steps” are what it takes. Youll find htat in life without adderall… breaking everything up into smaller pieces or steps makes tackling any situation easier and totally doable.. i thought i couldnt do anything without adderall.. i couldnt get up in the morning.. not even run errands, let alone work, or write or study. but, trust me… after just a week or two… my confidence is starting to come back.. i KNOW i can do things without adderall… and do them well and be proud of them. and i KNOW you can too! =)

  29. Marc says:

    I can’t believe there are other people out there that feel exactly the same as me. I started smoking, drinking all day and shutting myself in. I’m from Australia we have Dexamphetamine. I’m trying to get off it its so hard I start reducing the amount I take but then find a way to justify taking more. I’m building a house so i use that to justify taking more, so I can get more work done. Problem is also that they dont even really help me work. I want to be myself again. I cant seem to spell properly since taking the Dex has anybody else experienced this ?

    Cheers
    Marc

  30. Alexis says:

    marc-

    I totally get the not being able to spell. also sometimes I totally blank out on what I was in the middle of saying or writing. when I do misspelled words I find I concentrate so hard I’m paralyzed in actually spelling the word correctly and literally draw a blank. weird my speech would suffer the most like my mind was thinking about so many things I couldn’t think or talk.

  31. jenni says:

    I’ve quit Adderall a bunch of times and felt great by the third day but always end up hooked again by day four. The problem is that it’s my husband’s prescription (no, he doesn’t have ADD – it’s purely recreational) and he won’t get rid of it. He’s always agitated and angry and doesn’t think he has a problem with it. He takes it every day – says he’s more productive at work because of it. I’ve been begging him to get rid of it for months. He says that it’s not his problem that I’m weak and can’t stop taking it. He doesn’t think he has a problem with it. We both do.
    We have two beautiful children who love their parents. I’d leave my husband to get sober if it weren’t for the kids. I don’t know what to do. I feel so trapped. I threw out two of his prescriptions but he just got more from another doctor. Has anyone managed to quit with the drugs still in the house?

  32. MoufoftheSouf says:

    It really is inspiring to hear that I’m not alone, I have been perscribed adderall on and off for years. I joined the army about 5 months ago and was able to go through basic training without the poison. I am currently in ait(advanced individual training) for my job. About 5 weeks into my EMT training my classes were getting harded and harder. I had heared from a few people that they perscribed adderall here,I didn’t believe it until my friends roommate got it perscribed. I was not going to get any because I thought I made it this far without it so I could do it…that was until I failed my first attempt at my National Registery EMT exam. After that I decided to get some from him and what do you know I passed! Instead of being happy about passing my exam all I could think about was getting my own perscription. I went to the behavioral health clinic and they diagnosed me and told me to comeback in 2 weeks to see the dr. In that 2 weeks I bought more addy’s and took them. When I went to the dr he perscribed me 30mg 1x a day. He have me 20 pills and I was out within the first week. I told myself when I get my next script I was going to take it right…well that didn’t work at all I’m down to 3 pills and won’t go back for 2 more weeks. I’m in week 13 of 16 of my training and almost done and should be on top of the world but all I can do is worry about how I’m going to function these next few weeks. We go to the field for the next 12 days so I won’t be able to get any from the person I got them from the first time I ran out. I wish I never would have gotten back on this horrible stuff, if anyone has any advise I would greatly appreciate it. I’m so scared of what might happen, we do all kinds of assessment and I know I can do them but my mind keeps telling me that I can’t without the meds. Please help me.

  33. Anonymous says:

    It really is inspiring to hear that I’m not alone, I have been perscribed adderall on and off for years. I joined the army about 5 months ago and was able to go through basic training without the poison. I am currently in ait(advanced individual training) for my job. About 5 weeks into my EMT training my classes were getting harded and harder. I had heared from a few people that they perscribed adderall here,I didn’t believe it until my friends roommate got it perscribed. I was not going to get any because I thought I made it this far without it so I could do it…that was until I failed my first attempt at my National Registery EMT exam. After that I decided to get some from him and what do you know I passed! Instead of being happy about passing my exam all I could think about was getting my own perscription. I went to the behavioral health clinic and they diagnosed me and told me to comeback in 2 weeks to see the dr. In that 2 weeks I bought more addy’s and took them. When I went to the dr he perscribed me 30mg 1x a day. He have me 20 pills and I was out within the first week. I told myself when I get my next script I was going to take it right…well that didn’t work at all I’m down to 3 pills and won’t go back for 2 more weeks. I’m in week 13 of 16 of my training and almost done and should be on top of the world but all I can do is worry about how I’m going to function these next few weeks. We go to the field for the next 12 days so I won’t be able to get any from the person I got them from the first time I ran out. I wish I never would have gotten back on this horrible stuff, if anyone has any advise I would greatly appreciate it. I’m so scared of what might happen, we do all kinds of assessment and I know I can do them but my mind keeps telling me that I can’t without the meds. Please help me.

  34. Tarrah says:

    You can do it without the meds! I promise! It seems like you have the same mental block that I had for years; I felt liike I couldn’t do anything without the pills. In acuality, you can do anything you put your mind to. I know this sounds cliche, but you can. You’ve realized that you have a dependency issue and that you are abusing these pills, and you should be so proud of yourself for even realizing it. Most people want to hide from dependency, but you are strong enough to face it. The power to change comes from within you and I promise you have this power. You have to WANT to quit. I know you can do it; I feel like if I could overcome such a terrible dependency issue, then anyone can. Think of overcoming addeerall dependency as a test; unfortunately this test is harder than the EMT exam, but you will be so much stronger if you succeed in this. I know you can do it. Please try.

  35. Forgiven1 says:

    Thank you all so much for sharing your stories. I just tossed the last of my pills tonight. I have like so many others, tried to quit many times and have in times of crises returned to the doc for another script. I am done. I am done with feeling like a yoyo, not being able to relax and enjoy the little moments in life that should mean the most. I’m done obsessing over things that really don’t matter and feeling like I constantly need to do more, yet not really accomplishing anything of importance. It’s ironic how many of us like ourselves so much better without the drug yet find ourselves many times drawn back to it. It really is an addiction. No matter how much I have told myself I’m not addicted, I don’t have an addictive personlity,or I can stop no problem, the truth of the matter I am addicted. It’s a true chemical, psychological dependency and I am done letting it control my life. I just want to be me again. The relaxed, fun loving, happy, full of life and energy girl I use to be before I thought I had to have adderall to make it through each day. Tarrah couldn’t have stated it better when she said that little orange pill “boosted me up, yet sucked the like out of me.” Life starts becoming focused around when you’re going to take your next adderall, how you should space them out that day, should you pull an all nighter and try to get as much done as humanly possible or try your best to get some sleep that night knowing that once you do crash in the wee morning hours you’ll be out for the better half of the day and get absolutely nothing accomplished you had planned, yet knowing if you don’t sleep it will impact your day as well. Each day I battled within myself and once defeated, the guilt, regret, and anxiety soon followed. My body has suffered and I am ready to be healthy both mentally and physically. I thank you all for allowing me to share and ask that you would keep me in your thoughts and prayers these next few weeks/months. Congratulations on all your victories!!! And thank you so much for your inspiration, you have made me realize I am not alone in this battle. May God bless you and be with us all :)

  36. Forgiven1 says:

    It’s been a week today. I’v been tired but have forced myself to move. I have had to have some sugar and quite a bit of caffeine to help get me through though none have really helped much. I am having terrible cravings though. Everyday I wish I had some and question my decision to throw them away. I’m having a hard time sleeping at night and for some reason only when I try to lay down I get a throbbing headache. Has anyone else had this happen? I can get a refill in a couple of weeks and hope I have the strength to resist. I tried working out today and wow I am out of shape. I felt so weak. Is this normal to feel?

  37. 5 days and going strong says:

    I have made it 5 days off Adderall and boy has it been quite the journey. I’ve been on this stuff for 16 years …….yes 16 years. It wasn’t easy but it is possible. My husband and I want to try and get pregnant so I knew it was time to stop. Regaining my life back has been challenging and the first 2 days royally sucked! I believe the things that have helped me through this week was my supportive husband, excercise, coffee,lots of fiber and eating very, very healthy. I was also very concerned with weight gain. I’m 5’2 and have maintained 118 on adderall xr 20mg for a long time. I actually lost weight this week so girls it’s possible! I have been getting up 5:30 with my husband and walking for at least 15 mins. Then I will walk my dogs when I get home for work and then once more after dinner. I haven’t been really breaking a sweat but I’m still losing weight and eating balanced meals. I see the light at the end of the tunnel and so can all of you. Feel free to ask me any questions.

  38. Kari says:

    I’ve posted my story on this site a million times so I’m gonna skip that because I don’t want this to be so long you skip over it. I have a couple questions if you don’t mind.

    Did your apartment/room/whereever you live become an absolute disgusting mess when you quit? How long did it take you to learn how to clean and do the boring stuff without pills? When did the craving to take it go away?

    I know you said up there everyone can do it, but I want to know how long it took YOU to be able to do it. Your story is almost exactly like mine, seriously…except when I was diagnosed freshman year in college I had never heard of Adderall & had no idea how it would affect me. I actually hated it the first couple months, then I became super woman and was hooked! I would appreciate it so much if you could email or something. I’d even pay you at this point. You’re the first person I feel like I can relate to regarding this addiction and I’ve read hundreds of stories. Thanks for this post!

  39. Tarrah says:

    Kari,

    I am so glad that you feel like you can relate to me; it really makes me happy that I shared my story. If I am correct, you are asking how long it took me to be able to quit adderall….right?

    I will recall the experience for you…

    I was sitting in the basement of my parents’ house. I had just gotten fired from my first real job as a post-grad. I never got enough sleep, and needless to say I was a wreck at work and hence got fired. Anyways, I was looking at pictures of me when I was a kid…I looked so sweet and innocent. I thought to myself: “this little girl grew up to be an amphetamine addict and and adderall junkie”. It seriously made me cry so hard. I confronted myself with the truth about my addiction. I got fired from my job, and had to move 4 hours away back to my parents’ house. I pretty much had to start over. Confronted with the painful truth of my addiction, I realized that I had to rebuild myself without the pills. It is hands-down the hardest thing that I have ever done.

    I have been off of the poison for nearly 8 months now. Recently, I have gone through another wave of “hell”. I have been so tired, so hungry, and so depressed. I contemplated getting another prescription several times this week, but I know that I cannot go back to that. I’ve been struggling a lot lately, but the fact that people like you have been touched by my story keeps me going.

    My room is a disgusting mess most of the time, and my car is as well. My rooom and car used to be sparkling at all times, but now they are filthy. I get the energy to clean sometimes, but it does not happen very often.

    Did I answer your question, Kari?

    Also, feel free to e-mail me. Tlcasey@coastal.edu

  40. Tarrah says:

    Sarah

    I have all te time in the world for you. 843.267.5730

  41. Tarrah says:

    Anyone inspired by my story can email me…. Tlcasey@coastal.edu.
    I will set up times to meet with you if you want
    I want the best for everyone

  42. Anon. says:

    Hello everyone,

    Thanks so much for all of your posts. I posted somewhere else on the board as well, with pretty much the same thing, so sorry if you come across that as well!

    I’ve been taking Adderall for about eight years now (30mg). In high school, I was always top of my class and I graduated cum laude. I attended a very competitive, prestigious college for my B.A. However, in my second semester of college, I started having real trouble with some of my classes. For the first time, I was not getting straight As; I was nearly failing two classes. No one knew what was going on. So, it was assumed I had ADHD, and once I started taking the medicine, I changed my major and returned to my pre-college level of success. I graduated with honors in my major, and went on to earn an M.A. and a PhD at a prestigious university. Now, I am an academic, attempting to publish my book, apply to jobs, publish several articles, write conference papers, etc., and while I do want desperately to be able to function without dependence on a pill, I cannot take a break. I saw one comment here that says you need to take time off and etc. – I cannot do this. I cannot see myself ever having the ability to take time off, so I need to do this ‘quitting’ while maintaing my same high level of focus and productivity. I am deathly scared that trying to stop taking this medicine while facing such a major point in my life (the beginning of my career) may ruin any possibility of a career for me. But, I feel that I keep making excuses (I’ll try when I’m done with my M.A…with my PhD…when I have more time to work, etc.) and that now is just as good of a time as any. I am all right so far, but am dealing with sadness, fatigue, anxiety over possible weight gain, etc. I exercise a lot and eat well anyway, so I hope the weight gain will not be too much. I am trying to plan my days very strictly (8am-9am work out, 9am – 9:30 am shower, 9:30-12 work on this article, 12-2 grade essays, etc.) and this seems to be helping by not making each day seem unmanageable. My main concern, however, is simply that I am less intelligent without the medicine. I try to tell myself this can’t be true, as I got into a very prestigious school without even knowing such a medicine existed, but that was over a decade ago now and my one semester of ‘failure’ has really caused me to question my ability to function without the medicine (even though that semester was almost ten years ago, too!) I have tried in the past to quit the medicine, but whenever I receive any rejections, negative feedback, have a difficult time with a friend, etc. that occurred during the period I was not taking the medicine, I blame the fact that I was not taking the medicine. Is anyone in the same boat as I am?

  43. me says:

    I’ve been taking adderol for about a year. I have a 3 1/2 year old and a 1 1/2 year old and i just found out i am pregnant again.. .. was NOT planning on having anymore after the two but things happen i quess. Anyway needless to say i have to quit.. cold turkey but am freeking out about it. last time i didn’t take adderol for 3 days i was so suicidal. I don’t have a life where i can go to my room and just be miserable. I actually ahve to take care of my 2 kids.. doing this while being sooo tired.. sooo depressed and sooo HORRIBLE is really hard.. But if i know for sure that after some time these feelings will go away i will have hope… i never wanted to go off adderol EVER.. after taking one at like 6am when my kids wake up i just wait 30 min and then i am ready to deal.. ready to play with them… ready to create anything i want with them.. i’m so freeked out and what kind of mom i’ll be to them now besides a tired, boring, depressed person!

  44. Lilly says:

    Can’t believe I am actually sitting at the computer searching for people who feel like I do and wondering if it’s just me.

    I feel as though adderall is the worse thing that ever happened to me. I hate the way it makes me feel! However, I continue to take it. I can tell just how different of a person I become when taking it. After my son was born (10 years ago)I was introduced to adipex by a coworker. My job was stressful and the hours long!Not to mention I was going through a divorce and had the sole responsibility of my son. I was so tired most of the time and when I took one of these It was like I had been given a new lease on life. I never took more than 1 a day and had energy all day. No need to worry about getting a script because you could by them online without any hassle. Over the next couple of years I took them daily and never experienced any of the issues I am now. I actually quit for a year when it became harder to buy them online. Then a so called friend offered to sell them to me…should have known the first time I paid 5 dollars a pill they were bad for me. A couple of years later I was up to to pills a day and thought everything was great. I experienced a lot of muscle weakness but never associated it with anything other than arthiritis. Then I woke up one day with Chronic back pain! So severe I could hardly walk. Several doctors later I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia by a well known nuerologist. The pain was severe and my body just could hardly go anymore even with the adipex. I told him about the pills thinking it may help to know how I was trying to function!!! This is when the adderall came into the picture. No diagnosis of Adhd or narcolepsy…just chronic fatigue,brain fog and the simple fact that I did not want to be fat! Actually told him this and I was no where near over weight. He prescribed me 20mg xr a day the first time. This did absolutley othing for me so when I went back he prescribed 2 20IR a day. The first month they were great! Now two years later and several attempts later to stop I am miserable. I see comments where people worry when they will run out and start to panic. I actually am thankful and count the days down until I am out. I swear never to take them again. I have even flushed my prescriptions, However,when it is time to get them filled I will go to great lenghths to get them. My doctor is 4 hours away and there are times I cannot take off to pick up script. I will pay 100 dollars just to get someone to pick up my script. I am so anxious to get them filled and love it the 1st 2 to 3 days and then I am back to hating them. I just don’t understand this cycle. I am so fun loving and family oriented without them. As soon as I start to take them all I want to do is get home from work so I can smoke and drink a beer. Can’t stand to do either when I am not taking adderall. At work I become so distant. I don’t want anyone to talk to me and never leave my office. My job is in H.R. so this proves to be very difficult. Thing is my documentation and paperwork is outstanding when I am taking them. They make me so depressed,distant,paranoid and increase my Fibro symtoms ten times over what they are when I am not taking them.
    I know this post is long but it is the first time I have ever posted or admitted to anyone other than myself these feelings. Just wanted to give the overall picture and see if anyone out there has ever felt like this. It truly is a nightmare! To hate something so bad yet continue to take.

  45. Lorraine Essen says:

    Hi, I am confused because Adderall does not get me high or make me feel all these amazing things. All I notice is a little bit more silence and less compulsion to interrupt others and maybe can get my work done a little better but concentration is still a struggle. My ADD has been so unmanageable for so long that I will lose my driver’s license if I get another ticket for distraction, I have lost 100s dollars worth of items (don’t drink or do drugs), have problems at work from forgetting dates but otherwise perform well. Stimulants thus far have not made me feel tweaked out at all but I did notice I started craving cigarettes which led me to this website. It worries me. – Confused

  46. Susan says:

    I am on the fifth day without adderall. I can’t stand it. Can I ever feel normal after taking adderall for twenty years. What would normal feel like.

  47. DiscoNap says:

    Hello

  48. DiscoNap says:

    I’m in the process of quitting adderall. Ive been taking the pill for 5 years now and it had truly ruined my life, my relationships, and jobs.
    Im so scared at the moment. My doctor wont help me. I told her I was abusing adderall and she basically told me to go to help.
    Problem is…. I lost my job, no income… I feel hopeless

  49. Anonymous says:

    Dear Tarrah,
    I find your story inspiring. Thank you so much for your post.
    I am dating someone that is addicted to adderal for five years. He has promised me he will quit taking adderal since he graduated from college in 2010. But he is not able to quit adderall. He is a heavy smoker and when he stays up a few nights, he then drinks alcohol so he can go to sleep. He is also suffering from depression, he is extremely unhappy. I have been praying that he quit adderall since I met him. It pains me to see him unhappy and depressed, and I felt so useless when I cannot help him. Sometimes I am so angry at myself and hate myself that I cannot make him a happy person, and that I have no influence on him to motivate him to quit eating it. I also get scared of him when he is depressed and in a bad temper. I would then pray to god to help him, to give him strength, and guide him. Dear Tarrah, it has been five years… I feel I am all on my own since he ‘disappears’ when he takes adderall and when he comes back a few days later. I don’t know how to face him. I feel lost and hopeless.

  50. Anonymous says:

    Thankyou soooo much for posting this story. I think it maybe a start to a change some one I love and care about, more than my own-self.

  51. Adi Jaffe says:

    Thank you for sharing this story. As an ex meth addict I was concerned about any stimulants and was afraid of medicating my ADHD because I thought it meant I would absolutely be a slave to the meth-light, which is what these medications are.
    I still use them, although very rarely because I actually despise the “high” feeling now and end up taking the smallest dose I can. Still, very aware of their power and watchful over my own behavior.
    Drugs that alter our sense of being have the potential to be addictive and need to be regarded with respect!

  52. anonymous cal says:

    Does anyone have experience with a drug that helps with ADHD symptoms but is not so addictive and does not ruin your relationships?

    A long time ago when I was injured I had a painkiller problem and I stopped and decided to endure the horrible pain because the meds were making me a really irritable person and I was afraid I would have no friends if I kept being such a grouchy snippy person.

    I have never had Adderall but they say I have ADHD and need meds… I cannot afford to be mean and snippy, I have little kids, they need a kind mommy. I am kind now, but I am having major trouble concentrating and finishing projects like college and I am very fat.

  53. runningon2feet says:

    I have some questions. Ive been on it for 5 years and ive done so much on it. I even trained and ran a marathon on it. I have a problem and want to leave it behind. But I think I have a full marathon next month can I do it without it? Or do I need to go and see a doctor? Oh I’m going to miss this little pill.

  54. runningon2feet says:

    If you want to email me its spshimmin@gmail.com

  55. Luis says:

    Hey thanks to everyone for these post and I have been on adderall for 4 years and I recently started to abuse it and then I had some really bad trips and no sleep an now I am just ignoring the side effects that I have had with it. Where you have out of no where muscle movements tha you can’t control and I just couldn’t stop. I have been clean for a week though. It’s just hard. I have also known that I learn stuff a hell of alot better when I’m off of it but when I’m on it, it gives me the motivation and energy to get it done the only thing is that I don’t clearly remember it but now everytime I take it I start peeing blood and sweating bad with lower back pain but when I’m off it stops. The doctor said I have kidney failure due to the hypertension but I just still don’t know if I have had enough. I just don’t care and I don’t know what to do..?

  56. artie says:

    Hey,
    Yesterday was day 1 of my journey to overcome this miserable drug. Like most, its the first time in a while i’ve felt true hunger. However I haven’t felt a lack of drive and energy like I am now. Adderall has ruined my life. I’ve lost my last three jobs because of my addiction. Now I am in the brink of losing a woman I love. This is what has sparked my sudden willingness to overcome addiction. Reading all of the previous post has given me hope. Its almost like those of you posting are gaining strength from one another. This is why I have decided to post (which I have never done). I will update you guys on my progress. Thanks for reading. I am so grateful I stumbled past this.

  57. Kyle says:

    ive searched hours on google for peoples adderall stories. I can really relate so much to your rules, mostly. Im so glad someone else understands. I quit 2 years ago after 200+ mg a day for a year, i feel like myself again, but even 2 years later it’s still not off my mind and i once in a while have to just read about amphetamines online because i consider it to be my 2nd girlfriend i ever had (SADLY). Part of me feels ill never be the same, but i try to focus. I think the worst is how creative visually (drawing) i was and trying to recreate that magic is near impossible, so ive had to change focus. MY RULES for adderall taking were as follows:

    1. now i count down the hours on my fingers until i think im going to crash so i can decide when to take the next pill to utilize the adderall crash curve.
    2. Im not social enough at this concert, good thing i packed an adderall picnic
    3. ill just not sleep at all and take adderall to get through this day even though ill be mildly hallucinating
    4. im feeling so high on adderall right now so ill take more
    5. on adderall i think of when im going to crash every 20 min and mentally count how much is left in the prescription
    6. although the effects are lessening ill still drive around and waste gas and smoke cigarettes but ill be depressed because i wont be high as long as i was 3 months ago doing the same thing.

    AFTER writing all this i am still positive my life is better without adderall. Your ppst helped me not relapse by getting it on the street since i lost my prescription, maybe if you ever get online sad thinking about the little orange devil you will see my adderall friendly rules and remember how much it controls your life and puts you in hell

  58. Anonymous says:

    I am a mother of 3 and had struggled since I was a teen with addictions to prescription pills…however i am not prescribed them. I needed a boost of energy and after being clean for years from a methadone addiction and alcohol addiction i thought i could handle it. I regret the day i placed that pill into my mouth. See, since my methadone addiction i have searched and searched for something to boost me with energy because that is all i wanted. I consume an insane amount of caffeine in a day (its disgusting because it could be a pill or a liquid) I take diet pills for the energy and then there is the adderall. However, I have noticed how easy it is for me to snap and omg the friggin paranoia i feel with my relationship. THIS IS NOT WHO I AM. I am normally always happy and things used to roll of my back. I enjoyed life and everything it had to offer. Now,I take something to get more of what i already had…but it has become just the opposite. I have energy but no motivation mainly because I consume myself with my school work, i chain smoke, no desire for alcohol because i am a recovering alcoholic, i could go on. I am a mess. I had a baby 9 months ago and I became obsessed with my weight…with everything i have consumed that is not food and not eating I have lost 80 lbs. I look great but now i want to feel great. I want to be me again. I am lost because I cant go to a rehab and how can i stay home and kick this taking care of 3 children (their father is away until Jan. in a rehab himself :() he has no idea about my problem…I can’t tell him now because his sobriety is just as important. I have no one here, no family and no friends that i trust enough to ask for help. I obviously have problems and my hx is full of crazy shit but in the end I am begging…please someone…i need advice, i need strength. I do not want to do this anymore. I am tired of having to deal with an addiction and i have been addicted to something or other since I was 14. I can function which is why no one ever knew until it was admitted or something happen and it was discovered (methadone- i confessed and alcohol- i became so depressed and hurt myself) After the alcohol i never thought i would turn to something again but it started with caffeine instantly and then i took it here. I need help, what can i do?? :(

  59. Cindy says:

    I want to quit so bad! I take so much. I take 60 to 90 mg a day. Some days I only take 30. I don’t have weight loss at all with this high of a dose. I really just love how I can get it all done! Not sure I will be able to stop ugh

  60. boombam1986 says:

    I can easily relate to all of these posts about the consequences of taking this supposed “super woman/man pill” but I’m seeing it more clearly at every comedown that the benefits really aren’t worth the negative side effects that come along with it.

    I saw a psychiatrist 2 months ago because I WANTED adderall. Thought it would help me become more organized and motivated with work/home/studies. And it did for a short while. But I feel as though I’m losing myself. The person I was before. Sure, that person was sometimes distracted, aloof and at times lacked motivation. But that person was happy. She had a unique sense of humor and an ability to connect with people without being overly analytical. She could wake up looking at the bright side, have a cup of coffee and enjoy what the day had ahead.

    I’m going to stop taking these awful pills because I miss myself and my twin sister (also roommate) says sh misses me too. She’s been taking them for about 3 years now and occasionally she’d share her prescription with me. 2-3 days at a time was more than enough for me for awhile. Some idiotic compulsion in my brain convinced me to obtain my own supply. I now see that was a terrible idea.

    My sister doesn’t behave the way she did 3 years ago. She’s irritable, bitchy, moody, short tempered and …. different in a lot of bad ways. I refuse to take myself to that level. I want to preserve my humanness and sensitivity towards others and life in general.
    The psychiatric asked me 3 questions regarding my self diagnosis of ADHD. I was out of his office in 5 minutes with a prescription for 60mg per day. He never questioned my medical history and even had the nerve to say that adderall has “little to no side effects.” Don’t trust these doctors. Your care and lomg term well being isn’t their concern. They’re only concerns revolve around pharmaceutical profit interests.

    I’m not returning to that doctor. I’m confident that after a few days of non-use, sleep and nutrition, I’ll be my old self again. I loathe this drug and believe that doctors who prescribe it without extensive testing regarding the diagnosis of some made up disorder are unethical and shouldn’t have a license to practice.

    Good luck to all of you battling this demon and thank you Tarrah for sharing your experience. Reminds me that I’m not alone in this addiction.

  61. Stephanie says:

    I decided to stop taking my Adderall about two weeks ago, after finding this website. I was completely dependent on it for about a year taking 80mg/day. It hasn’t been long since I stopped cold turkey, but I can already say it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

    At first, I loved it. I’ve always been an active person but on it I could workout multiple times a day, and with a lower appetite, I lost weight and got the body I always wanted. I became really good at a job I dislike and considered temporary. I always had energy and truly felt on top of the world.

    This lasted only a short time and after a few months the effects really started to wear on me. I was over committed, over stretched, and could never get enough sleep. I didn’t have any of the original oomph. I couldn’t even get out of bed without it and would freak out if the pharmacy messed up my dosage or if I didn’t think I would have enough to last all month.

    I could tell it was affecting all my relationships. I snapped at family and friends, cried and obsessed over silly things, and I was way too intense for my coworkers. I was so angry and sad and stressed all the time. I’ve also realized that taking Adderall made me focus so much at work and on what was going on in the moment that I never took time to find something that would make me truly happy.

    I finally realized that taking Adderall every day didn’t really line up with the healthy lifestyle I’ve been working so hard to achieve and quit cold turkey. I was completely useless at work for about a week. All I wanted to do was sleep and eat and cry. Frankly, I felt like shit. But I tried to eat as healthily as possible, drink a ton of water, and keep exercising.

    Honestly, exercise is key, the only time I felt normal, or even close to it, all week was at my crossfit gym, struggling to get through an intense workout. Yeah it sucked and I was sluggish but it was the only time I felt alive and not like a complete zombie.

    This week has been a million times better, I have more energy and my eating habits are much more normal. I honestly feel so much happier, so much more alive and so much more connected with people around me. Yeah, work is hard with ADHD but I try to take lots of breaks and since I’ve opened up to my friends and coworkers, I’ve received a ton of support.

    I feel like a completely different, happier, and healthier person, and in only a matter of two weeks. I’m learning how to get enough sleep, have self discipline, and just live all over again.

    So thank you for this website because it was one of my favorite resources and I hope it helps other people quit too.

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I used to over think everything I did and now I just do what I feel is right. I am a performer, a singer and a dance instructor, and I feel music differently off adderall. I feel like I can dance with my body and not my head.
-Heather

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