I remember my first Adderall. I took a small orange pill and went to class. Twenty minutes later, I felt an amazing rush…raising my hand…asking questions…performing better in class. Then, the next day I went to class not on Adderall. It sucked. I purchased 30 Adderall from a friend. When those ran out, I went and got my own prescription. Hooked. It was seriously that easy for me to get hooked.
I took Adderall in college and maintained a 4.0 GPA nearly the entire time. My social life suffered. I prioritized homework, studying, cleaning and other physical tasks over spending time with my family and friends. My family came to visit me at my college, and I blew them off because I was too tweaked out to go eat dinner with them. I grew so far apart from my family and friends because I was too “adderalled up” to care about seeing them. School, cleaning, or impulsive projects ruled my life. I was an impetuous prescription pill junkie. My outgoing and enticing personality changed; I became nervous, edgy, and irritable.
Adderall abuse led me to chain-smoking cigarettes and a killer alcohol addiction. I drank every night to calm down and get sleep. However, some nights I did not sleep at all.
My logic transformed to better suit my addiction.
A few of my favorite Adderall-friendly rules of reasoning included:
- 5 hours of sleep is enough! I know I can just wake up and take Adderall if I’m tired!
- I can stay up and drink all night! I will just take an Adderall and feel okay tomorrow!
- I’m going to take an Adderall and <insert task here>
- One more Adderall will get me through this work day…
- This party would be so much more fun on Adderall.
- In order to go out, I need an Adderall.
- I’m drunk. An Adderall will sober me up.
You know what I do not miss? Waking up drained every morning…..only to take a pill that boosted me up, but at the same time sucked the life out of me. I do not miss the perpetual cycle of abuse that I called my life. I was a slave to a small orange pill. I was imprisoned, and I thought I could never accomplish anything without it. It has been three weeks since I’ve taken an Adderall. I tossed out the Adderall and all of my other addictions went with it. No more cigarettes (I associated the cigs with Adderall, don’t even crave them anymore). I drink maybe once a week if I feel like going out. If you think you can’t quit Adderall, I promise you can. I was HEAVILY addicted to Adderall and abused it to no end. I thought quitting Adderall would require rehab, but somehow I was able to quit without it. The first week off of it was extremely rough; I felt worthless. I thought every day about going to get another prescription. Last Monday I drove to work and realized that I did not want an Adderall. I cried because I thought I would never have that feeling in this lifetime. It is truly amazing.
Now, I have my attitude and personality back. I realized that I can do this! I am not a slave to a pill. I am much calmer and actually work much better without it. I know that I accomplish every task on my own….with own willpower and my own discipline. There is no better feeling. Saying good-bye to Adderall is possible, and life is great without it.