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Mary’s Story: My Boyfriend and I Became Adderallics

It all started with one pill. It was November of my sophomore year and I was sitting in the hallway of my prestigious, private high school with my friends. I wasn’t eating because I suffered from some sort of eating disorder and my friends had, in turn, tried to do the same.

Not eating was exhausting and I was usually irritable and couldn’t stand school.

Somehow I managed to find a pill on the floor and took it hoping that it might be something fun, turns out it was. I looked it up on my smartphone and found that it was Vyvanse. About an hour later, I felt amazing and later that day I had to stay after school for three hours to do an AP Biology lab. I couldn’t believe it, but I enjoyed it! On the way home, I talked incessantly to my mom and spent hours perfect a drawing that was basically finished.

I tried desperately to find more stimulants, but to no avail for several months. During April of my sophomore year however, I managed to get a few Adderall. It was during spring break and I still recall how much I enjoyed that spring break. During that week, I decided to take shrooms, after taking Adderall earlier that day, causing probably the scariest experience of my life; I thought I would die at any second. It didn’t stop me though.

I found a few more Adderall through the summer after sophomore year and even took them the day I had my wisdom teeth out. Adderall made me want cigarettes like none other and I ended up with two dry sockets, which was beyond excruciating.

Still, I continued craving stimulants. During my junior year, I found a steady dealer and took Adderall every weekend, binging on 40 to 90 mg, which for a 125 lb girl is quite a bit.

I soon got my boyfriend into it and we would spend the weekends doing god knows what; wandering around malls, sitting in parks rambling on for hours on end. He began to get aggressive and angry on it; it scared me, but we didn’t stop. I felt like I needed Adderall to be around my friends. I felt like I was boring and awkward without it.

I had suffered from an eating disorder, but couldn’t sustain an eating disorder and a drug addiction; I chose Adderall and started eating more normally to maintain some sanity throughout my Adderall binges.

Two weeks before my senior year, my family moved to a new state. I no longer had a dealer, no friends, nothing. Somehow, I managed to maintain my long distance relationship with my boyfriend and he would send me Adderall.

I would go shopping by myself for hours on end. I would take it on the weekend and then eventually after school. I would have boundless energy one day and be nearly dead the next. This is when my adderall use really went south.

I no longer wanted to hang out with people as much as I had before, I just wanted to be alone and go shopping, anything else was just getting in the way.

I began stealing from stores and lying to my parents, because I thought they might think it suspicious that I was always shopping. In march of my senior year, I went to a psychiatrist where I was prescribed Wellbutrin for depression. For about two weeks, I didn’t use adderall and then managed to get more. I started using it during track meets and continued to shop and steal.

Finally at the end of senior year, last month, my boyfriend and I confronted the problem. We both had a problem, though mine was considerably worse. He told me he would no longer send me adderall and we have both been sober since. It’s been exactly seven weeks and sometimes I crave it or get painfully bored.

I’ve turned into a health nut, working out six days a week and eating only the healthiest foods. I managed to avoid weight gain and honestly feel better than I thought possible. I think back to the things I did on Adderall and I’m embarrassed and shocked; Adderall altered my personality. I am finally myself again and no longer feel the dire need for Adderall that once consumed me.

8 Responses to “Mary’s Story: My Boyfriend and I Became Adderallics”

  1. InRecovery says:

    Congratulations on quitting!! taking these pills is a totally unstable foundation to build any kind of life on. Glad to know you are getting back to your real self.

  2. Anonymous says:

    I can relate to the shopping especially on the internet late at night when I was tweaking. It breaks my heart thinking how much money I wasted, many times I wouldn’t even use or want but somehow never got around to returning on time.

  3. Tarrah says:

    Good post, Mary. I have been off of the poison for almost 7 months, and I can totally relate to becoming a health nut. I work out 5-6 days a week and it certainly helps! Glad to hear that you overcame a terrible addiction. 🙂

  4. Anonymous says:

    I really love that you mentioned the weight issue. I just quit and it’s my biggest concern. I can workout a lot, I know this because when I used to run out of pills each month, I would have to so in order to not balloon up. I always get scared I’ve fucked my metabolism up for life. I was never super healthy before but I am planning on it now. Do you count calories? Or just exercise excessively?

  5. Anonymous says:

    I’m glad that you’ve made a positive turn and are on the path to health. In reading your story, I can’t help but wonder if there are underlying antecedents that led to some of your unhealthy behaviors (even before the Adderall abuse). I encourage you to try counseling (if not already) to get at some of the deeper issues that influence behaviors. It’s amazing the type of progress that can occur when root causes are identified and addressed.

  6. scott says:

    Starting my step down today. It’s good to hear your success story, thank you!

  7. Colleen says:

    Congratulations to you and keep on trucking!!! I did the same! Take care girl!!

  8. Bitter Sweet says:

    Mary,

    I just want to hug you. I also have had an eating disorder since I was in 4th grade, it started out with obsession and I was very naive.

    I am still taking adderall, however I am reducing how much of it I use because I know it’s an issue in my life. My boyfriend of 9 years and I have been taking adderall, except we have a long distance relationship now since he took a job in another state.

    Anyway, my point is that my very good friend once told me that in order to be free, you have to go straight into the eye of your fears. I fear being fat and with adderall, it’s easy to understand why I would love using it.

    I need help for what brought me to having an eating disorder in the first place. I’m glad you eat healthy, but it sounds like it’s almost an obsession for you. Have you ever wondered what brought on the eating disorder in the first place before you ever took your first adderall?

    I’m glad you are off that shit, really I am.

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