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Lauren’s Goodbye Letter to Adderall

Thanks to reader Lauren for sending me her goodbye letter to Adderall. Here it is. Enjoy!

Dear Adderall,

I am leaving you. The things you promise to do for me are garbage. Before you get defensive, let me first say that, yes, there was the honeymoon period at the beginning. Yes, I used to tingle and switch into a restless gear when I heard your name. If there was any window of opportunity to have you, my whole being would submit.

All these years I worshiped you. However, after a long run with you, your true colors show. With you, Adderall, a taste is too much and an abundance is never enough. You are a liar, Adderall.

You don’t meet my needs. Thanks to you, I have even more needs that need filling. All you bring is panic, fear, overdrive, guilt, shame, hopelessness, depression, feelings of inadequacy, lowered self-worth, and countless other undesirable issues.

You are a liar, Adderall. You are not my miracle. You are not my superman. You are not my security. You are not my confidence. You are not my everything. Adderall, you are NOT MY GOD.

You used to give me butterflies, but now I just want to puke. Now, when you come to mind, I no longer become giddy and switch to addict-mode. No no. I run like hell. Sorry, Adderall, this time it’s not me, it’s YOU. It’s over.

Your ex,
Lauren

12 Responses to “Lauren’s Goodbye Letter to Adderall”

  1. John says:

    Wow…

    amazing job, very powerful with so much truth

  2. jim says:

    Great ….. And may you never take back your EX .. May you never look back and falter thinking you judged him to harshly and please ….. are you doing okay?

  3. Red says:

    Awesome and very inspiring!! I’m trying to gather the strength to be as strong as you are!!

  4. Jody says:

    I need to divorce Adderal too. I’ve used Dexedrine then Adderall for over 3 years now. I am tired, cranky and irritable. I lost a ton of weight and most muscle tone. I miss eating. I miss sleeping and having dreams. I designated a “pill keeper” to slowly wean me off.
    .

  5. Stephanie says:

    I love this perspective. You are coming from a place of strength. I’m on day 12 of no adderall and reading this makes me feel even stronger. Thank you Lauren!

  6. Kat says:

    Lauren, Your post inspired me so much and as a severe addict of 6 Years on Adderall I found this website last night and I thank God I did. You really hit it home with me when you said YOU ARE NOT MY GOD. This has stood between me and God for too long. As a Social Worker, I used this method of writing a letter about whatever is bothering you or you need healing from. This gave me the idea to do this with Adderall. You are a God send and pray for me as I’m tapering off this month. Godspeed my friend!

  7. Lauren says:

    Hi, Kat. My heart goes out to you. Though it’s been a month since you posted, I am praying for you now. If you are still struggling, please hang on to the fact that life can be better after adderall. I abused it for the same amount of time. You do not have to be a slave. I checked myself in to an outpatient center and, along with NA meetings, my life has dramatically changed (on the inside and out). I learned that surrender was the only way out. Tired of fighting, I gave myself up and was honest about everything twith others and most importantly with myself. I found out that I was not doomed to live in bondage the rest of my life. God grant me the serenity to.accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

  8. Supermom says:

    I’m an addict of over 13 years. I get terrible headaches after a binge. Sometimes I throw up. Once I quit cold turkey for less than a week, and experienced sharp shooting pains in my head for days until I resumed taking my addiction. And when I don’t use, I do feel lethargic, tired, completely unmotivated to live my life; existing. Blood pressure is always elevated. Eyesight seems blurry. Risking death and blindness. Must wean down. This is not living.

  9. MikeT says:

    Thank you everyone for your posts. I was on Adderall XR for 5 years and just quit cold turkey about a month ago. You are all correct in that AD is a jealous liver who does not go away easily. I am still finding the extreme fatigue very difficult to deal with. Fortunately I had my doctor remove from my prescription list so I have no choice than to be off. Left only to just my willpower I would be back on AD (or worse!). I truly understand the mind of an addict (such as myself).

    For the most part I have kept this struggle to myself. I have opened up to a few friends since I have quit, but I have yet to find anyone who has a bit of empathy or understanding! Only the community such as this posting can understand what we are going through.

  10. anonymous says:

    I am here because I have used Adderall for 14 years. Everyday. 20mg. in the morning and 20mg. in the afternoon. I’ve had two heart attacks, three stents and have ended up with a muscular left ventricle due to running on speed for most of my life. I haven’t had the courage to tell my cardiologist. I’m used to being “the best”, the most efficient, yada yada. But my shame mostly involves the fact that I am a mental health registered nurse. I tried speed in college, but only until graduation. Yes, there was the grind of dangerous work (I was a corrections psychiatric nurse) and the inability to process fear but we all have our excuses. The beginning of my love for stimulants began on one of those days at work when you are just tired. But if you want to stay employed you sucked it up and went on. I was raising 2 teens and on my own. So, that day I was telling my coworker that I was not ready for the shift ahead and he gave my 4 red antihistamines that turned out to be ephedra. I took it and WOW! not only did I enjoy the shift, I was able to document with ease, and thanked him. From then on there was this dialogue in my head that kept saying “man, if I could have this stuff work would be enjoyable, I would be securely based in my work, and that would mean money for my family-no more struggle”. I never wanted to be away from home, but my husband died and instead of being the homemaker, I had to become convinced of the necessity of being a wage earner. Yes, I became driven, bought a condo, dated many men, danced, wrote poetry, looked great. I was outdoors on the weekends, canoeing, hiking. I hated alcohol, never smoked. Until one night one of the residents checked my blood pressure for fun. It was a slow night. 180/105. Naw, that has to be a mistake! He took it again. No change. OK, I’ll just get on blood pressure meds. I used to joke that I never checked my bp because it would scare me. God only knows how long it was in that range because 5 years later I had my first case of angina and then heart damage. I could go on about my overconfidence at the time, how I lost jobs because of it. I never thought things through. It was as if I couldn’t keep up with myself. I really didn’t want to because I didn’t think much of myself-my mother made sure of that.
    Now I’m 66 years old and it’s a miracle I am alive. I am grateful for the dosing step down idea. I will begin tomorrow as I am still at 20mg.a day of Adderall (not extended release). I cannot stop cold turkey as my poor brain just sputters out. Absolutely no motivation to do anything. My bp is now in the low 100’s ( 102/69) consistently. I wanted to write this for the sake of the young people here and to let you know how much I wish that you can use me as an example of the REAL damage you do to your heart, lungs and brain. My self esteem issues have been resolved as I work through therapy on line as well as with my psychiatrist. Don’t think that you aren’t doing enough, pretty enough, athletic enough. Normal is just that. And I am crawling day by day to get back to normal. Thanks for being here.

  11. Kristen says:

    Thank you so much for your post, Anonymous, and I hope you are doing okay as I write this in September. I’m 23 and have been thinking of quitting Adderall for the last year, but keep making excuse after excuse why it’s not good timing. I can absolutely relate to your past “overconfidence,” because it’s what I’ve been going through myself. I’ve honestly been afraid of researching long term effects of Adderall, because I know at the rate I’m going now I’m definitely going to have health issues sooner rather than later. So I just wanted to thank you for taking the time, it was definitely what I needed to hear. Hope you are feeling better <3

  12. Hail says:

    This made me cry…I need help but have no idea how to be OK without this drug. What happened to me? I hate it but keep taking it like a true addict. Will never be OK again?

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