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Kalli’s Drawing: With Adderall vs. Without Adderall

Some people hang report cards on their fridge. Kalli chooses to hang harsh truths. Thanks again, Kalli, for sending me your awesomely-accurate drawing!

18 Responses to “Kalli’s Drawing: With Adderall vs. Without Adderall”

  1. Anonymous says:

    This is awesome and so accurate- I made this picture my background on my computer for the first few days after quitting… Thank you!

  2. Pestana says:

    Everyone I have ever met is 20,000% more beautiful without adderall.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Everyone has commented on how fit and healthy I look (five years of Adderall), I’m scared to death to quit it because the one day I’m off, I feel so lazy and eat food, etc. I blame Lindsey Lohan. When I saw how thin she got and read the article that attributed it to Adderall…. I was in the doc’s office the next day and walked out with a bottle. fml.

  4. Kalli says:

    To Anonymous from July 3- I took Adderall for over 13 years (I got put on it in the 8th grade, it mighta been a different brand in the beginning)… I’m 27 now. For the first 10 or so years I looked ‘fit and healthy’ too, but later on it took a turn. It started making me look so tired (bc I WAS tired, it kept me from regular sleep), it made my skin dry, my teeth/nails/hair a lot thinner and brittle, and I was still skinny, but not muscular or HEALTHY. I actually had a boyfriend tell me that I “lost some of my sexiness”… b/c it made me more skinny, less curvy…. And I never took crazy amounts of Adderall either, I kept it b/w 10-20 mg a day… every once in a while I’d take 40 mg and it made me feel like crap. Now I work out a ton (best medicine for ADD ppl anyway) and eat EXTREMELY clean and healthy. It makes ALLLLL the difference in the world. Forget Lindsey Lohan. There are much more beautiful and healthy role models out there… Beyonce for example, or Scarlett Johansson, actual WOMEN. Curves are sexy, anorexia/adderall-induced bone protrusion is not. πŸ™‚ YOU CAN DO IT!

  5. Anonymous says:

    this truly is the greatest picture. the first time i saw it i actually started crying. but it was a good cry πŸ™‚ also, i was off of adderall at that time, therefore having the ability to cry. as opposed to the otherwise stonewalled head nod. thanks kalli!

  6. taylor says:

    Ive only been on addies (20mg xR) for about 4 months. I felt perfect on it. I never understood why, but I always assumed that it was the high and that high would eventually run out (which, with whatever drug, it always does). I started becoming worried about my heart (due to intense palaptitations, I could see my heart pulsating between my boobs almost daily).

    I decided to stop taking it for my heart, and never got to the lows I guess that other users mention.

    I havent taken them in 2 months now, but I cant even find the motivation to go finish my placement at school. Im tried all the time and cant focus on anything. I feel stupid and lazy. I still have 8 pills left and they become more and more tempting.

    Your picture feels opposite to me, I feel great on them and shitty and useless off of them. This website has given me incredible insight. I realize I had a mini addiction to them, I’m only on stage 5-6 now whenI thought I was over them completely. I hope I get to where I can feel amazing on my own, without my little orange, russian roulette pills.

  7. Leno says:

    @taylor, That’s because you probably actually HAVE ADHD. You shouldn’t feel shame in that or treating it with medication. People that abuse it or only take it for weight loss, will feel like the drawing is acurate. People that have ADHD will feel like the reverse. Most people that have ADHD won’t even feel a “high” with the drug. I just recently started taking it, and some of my friends are envious and like the “high” of adderall. My very first day taking it, i didn’t “feel” anything physically, but I felt great in that I was able to have a normal life, listen when people talked, didn’t have a uncaring nonchalant mood and attitude, and didn’t have to be lazy and convince and negotiate with myself to do basic things.

  8. Tweak says:

    Inaccurate and little to no artistic talent

  9. Conor says:

    Tweak, what are you doing on this website? Same goes for Leno. This site is a place of encouragement for those who actually WANT to get off drugs and be the people they were born to be. Anyone who understands the physiology behind drug addiction knows that it is incredibly hard to get off of amphetamine-based drugs, and that the last thing anyone who has made the decision to get sober needs is negativity, or someone giving them reasons to think that maybe is really IS okay for them to continue using. If you find it beneficial, great, keep using it. But don’t interfere with the goals of those who don’t, and who desperately want their lives back. And who just critiques someone’s art on a site like this? That is not what this forum is for. Hats off to Kali for staying strong and for sharing with all of us who could use encouragement.

  10. AJ says:

    I’ve been on Adderall for so long, it’s aggravating. If my memory serves me well, i’ve been on it well over 10 years, maybe even 15. My mother tried her best to help me succeed. I’m 23 years old and I’m sick and tired of being on Adderall (initially, I was on 30mg XR capsules, all throughout high school) Now i feel like i’m in The Matrix debating whether or not I should take “the blue pill.” I’m on Adderall right now and it’s wearing off because I can’t even focus anymore. Nothing interests me anymore except nursing school. (I’m nine months away from becoming an RN) I can’t $#%* this up because my mom and grandmother are registered nurses. I was doing so well, I was off of it during my first 6 months of nursing school, but this depression and anxiety began to consume me all over again and I gave in and resumed taking it albeit inconsistently. Now i take 20 mg here and there whenever I have clinicals or have to read for exams, which clinicals are every week and the reading is daily. I love to write and take pride in my work and knowing that what i’m typing at this moment is completely out of place and unorganized irks me. My thoughts are scrambled and i’m so freaking low it’s scary. I need help and don’t know where to turn. I fall asleep even when i’m on Adderall. I take it only because I’m forced to function and suck it up. I can’t even stand myself when i’m on Adderall so how the heck am I supposed to like what i see in the mirror when i’m off of it? My boyfriend and i are at odd with each other–he has no idea i’ve been on Adderall this long and I can’t allow myself to tell him. He’s a 2LT in the U.S. Army and will flip out if I tell him. I’m incoherent and this “unnamed feeling comes alive,” and I die a little more inside. I’m at wit’s end. All I can do is pray to God to wake up from this unending darkness because I have clinical tomorrow morning in the NICU and exams Wednesday and Thursday. I hope everyone here finds solitude and peace of mind and the strength to quit. God bless you all

  11. steven says:

    so cute!!!love it!!!and go on!!!!

  12. ANTHONY CHAVTELSKI says:

    ADDERALL HAS BEEN OFF THE MARKET SINCE LATE 2006 ( SO HAVE ALL OTHER PSYCHIATRIC DRUGS) THEY HAVE BEEN REPLACED BY PLACEBO. DRUGS HAVE BEEN REPLACED BY TECHNOLOGY. THEIR IS A TECHNOLOGY OUT THEIR MANUFACTURE BY SIEMENS. ITS A BRAIN COMPUTER INTERFACE DEVICE AND IS IMPLANTED INTO THE NASAL CAVITY. IT CONNECTS TO THE CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM. IT IS CONNECTED TO THE SIEMENS NETWORK AND THE INTERNET VIA WIRELESS DATA. IT HAS A FUNCTION IN IT THAT ALLOWS YOU TO BOOST NOREPINPEHRINE AND ACETCLYCHOLINE. ACETYLCHOLINE CAUSES THE RELEASE OF DOPAMINE, NOREPINPEHRINE AND EPINPEHRINE WHILE NOREPINPEHRINE CAUSES THE CASCADE OF OTHER NEUROTRANSMITTERS. IN OTHER WORDS THIS TECHNOLOGY MAKES YOU HAVE WITH THE TICK OF A CHECKBOX IN THE VISUAL OVERLAY THAT YOU GET TO SEE THROUGH YOUR VISION.. THEIR IS NO REASON TO QUIT ADDERALL ANYMORE BECAUSE ITS ALL PLACEBO, THEIR IS NO MORE AMPHETAMINE IN ADDERALL SINCE LATE 2006. AND BESIDES WHATS WRONG WITH FEELING VERY VERY HIGH! NOTHING. SO QUIT WINING. ITS STUPID
    STOP WASTING YOUR MONEY AND TIME GETTING PLACEBO PILLS AND EAT MORE EGGS AND DRINK MORE MILK. EGGS HAVE CHOLINE MILK HAS TRYPTOPHAN. YOU NEED IT

  13. Anonymous says:

    complete opposite for me

  14. Hope says:

    i’m qutting adderall..after 10 or so years (high, high amounts) daily. i begin tmrrw, and I want to “broadcast” / “feed” the world my expiernce from day 1 to day forever, if u or someone u know is in a situation where they are addicted /abuse something and need some hope looking that devil in the eye; reference this feed; for I am going to look the adderall devil in the eye and tell em to %$#@ off. I’m going to regain my shit; enjoy the show

    Day:0 (took last dose (permanently) 2 hrs ago..feeling tired/hungry and bit scared. will not give up. going to fight this

  15. MikeC says:

    After seeing what Anthony posted, I am giving up Adderall and getting 10 cartons of eggs! Thanks for that other insight too! I knew my nasal cavity hurt! πŸ˜€

  16. MikeC says:

    Seriously it depends on the person. Amphetamines are no joke. If you need Adderall, it will help you and you’ll know you need it. If it just makes you concentrate better, you don’t need it, Eat better and get more sleep instead.

    I know I sacrifice some of my personality in trade to take it. It’s a personality suppressant. But I know I have ADHD because it calms me down and I can take it and go to sleep. I heard if you have ADHD not only can you tell because you think and remember things better on it, but it acts the opposite in your body than it would on a person who doesn’t have ADHD.

    My wife is always surprised that a stimulant like Adderall acts like a sedative on me. I think if you are on a drug as strong as any amphetamine and it makes you feel like Kalli did, get off it immediately and find another way. Being an A student isn’t worth it.

    BTW, you idiots who criticized her art, I wish I was standing next to you when you typed that. Everybody has a big mouth on the other side of the web. It’s a young girl dealing with her problems you jerks. I bet you kick puppies too. I think you’re brave Kalli! Do what’s good for you and personally I think your drawing is awesome. πŸ™‚

  17. Bitter Sweet says:

    Kali I think your picture has spoken to many people.

    For those of you who ridiculed her picture: look deep into yourself. Are you angry? Are you sad that someone you know might have an addiction? You don’t need to be ashamed or scared, but hiding behind a screen and bullying someone in order to hurt them and not have consequences just might be you saying that you’re sad. There is nothing wrong with being sad. Trying to make others sad is what’s wrong. I would suggest you find an adult you trust at your school or church, someone who you can talk to or at least tell them about your anger.

    There are tons of people who fel how you do. I’ll bet anyone though that making others sad does not fix their inner turmoil. Be well.

  18. Christie says:

    I teared up a little when I saw this drawing. It’s exactly how I feel. I think it’s such a beautiful and joyful expression of how you feel Kalli and is inspiring for the rest of us who are going through what you went through. So thank you.
    Also, thank you very much to Conor and Mike C for saying that. I wish I could articulate it that well, and totally respect you for sticking it to those negative folks.

    For what it’s worth, I actually have been tested twice (once when I was 23 and again when I was 33) for ADD. There’s no doubt I have it. However, the Adderall, though helpful at first (writing papers was amazingly easy for the first time), I could focus on everything, my surroundings were spotless, things were effortless… gradually over the past 2 years, I somehow felt less and less grateful for the “good things” in life…. I became more robotic, my feelings were harder and harder to access. I’m in grad school, so the temptation was “fuck it, I’m going to power through and quit when in 2 years when I graduate” but I broke my foot 2 months ago.
    And that’s not the only injury- Adderall made me very accident prone (multiple sprains and ligament issues over the past 2 years) and sleep problems….

    It’s only been 2 months so I still have a long way to go…. but it helps to remind myself: now it’s only a broken foot- if I keep taking it, what else could happen? And that helps me to keep away from it.

    This website is really inspiring and motivating…everyone’s positive comments are extremely helpful. Thank you : )

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