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July 12th, 2011 by Mike
Hello Visitor,
I’m Mike, creator of QuittingAdderall.com. I’m 28-years-old, live in Atlanta, and when I’m not working as a software developer or going to school for psychology, I spend most of my free time writing, running, or biking. If you want to contact me for any reason, you can email me here: mike@quittingadderall.com.
Adderall and Adderall users have been a big part of my life for the last 3 years (plus the 7 I spent actually using Adderall), so I’m happy to talk about it for whatever occasion.
You can also email me if you’re having a rough time and want some support. I’ll do my best!
As always, please keep in mind that I am not a doctor; I’m just somebody who’s been there and has talked to tons of other people who have been there.
In your FAQ you talk about fighting the “urge to take the pill.”
I was diagnosed ADD (predominantly innatentive type) at 13. My doctor was really good about easing me onto the drug, starting me off on 5 milligrams of XR for two weeks, then 10 milligrams XR for another 2 weeks, and then a meeting to see where we were. I got used to the drug slowly, and it made me blissfully unaware of the side-effects because they didn’t happen all at once. He put me on 15 milligrams, which wore off around 3 PM, so I started doubling up on my own before asking him to up the dose to 30 milligrams. After two years of being so unsocial I could barely talk, we moved down to 25 milligrams. Then, last year, after six years of being on adderall daily, my father decided to stop fulfilling my prescription. He said he wanted to know what I was like in-medicated. I was a little irritated, kind of bemused, but mostly sleepy. Felt like I was robo-tripping for two weeks straight. And all of the sudden food tasted good! It was desirable! How insane!
My problems came when I went back on the aderall. See, when I’m off adderall, I am extremely low functioning. But it isn’t like adderall makes me some over-achieving prodigy. I failed out of community college on adderall. It gives me the ability to concentrate, but it doesnt force me to concentrate on school or work. I skipped class and drew instead of taking notes. Off adderall I’m an even bigger wreck, with a terribly short fuse for frustration.
So we decided to start filling scripts again, this time at 20 milligrams (which, to my chagrin, wears off around 5 PM. Sigh.) this is were the “urge to take the pill” comes in. I’ve NEVER wanted to take adderall. I force myself to do it. I know what it feels like to jones, too: if I don’t have caffiene, I become irritable, antsy, and develop a low grade but constant headache.
Going back on addy was the hardest thing I’ve ever, ever done. Way harder than quitting by far. That was easy: I stopped taking the pill, was sleepy and ate my entire fridge. Going back on it? The side effects were terrible. I didn’t work my up because I thought I could handle it. After three days of cold sweats and terrible head aches I gave up for months, selling it instead. Finally I started weaning myself back on it, and now I’m back to that awesome place I was before: a bit anti-social (wasn’t a butterfly to begin with), never hungry, but able to do things like wake up before 1 PM, get dressed and maybe even do laundry. (did I mention I’m a wreck?)
MY MAIN QUESTION, AFTER A RIDICULOUSLY LONG INTRO:
Do you have any tips for regulating food intake WHILE medicated? Food is so unappealing to me now. It tastes weird and I’m hyper-aware of texture, plus I never feel hungry. Today I ate 1,000 calories, 400 of which came from the sugar I put in my tea. The rest was from 5 Vienna finger cookies. (1 for breakfast, 2 for lunch, 2 for dinner.)
I don’t want to die of scurvy, y’all, but adderall is my miracle drug and life is just fucking hard without it.
Hey Mary!
Thanks for your comment. As for figuring out how to choke down your food while medicated, I have a couple suggestions:
1. Eat at the same time every day. This is easier to do when you’re in a job rather than in school, but basically you want to find three dead spots in your schedule that you’re going to partially fill with eating. Like when you get to class, when you have an after noon break, and when you get home.
Even eat the same food at the same places at the same time (e.g., Subway Sandwhich under the oak tree before Biology). You’re basically forming a habit and letting a mild form of OCD take over from there. You eat because this is when you chill out on the quad and eat, not because you’re hungry.
2. Try wet and spicy foods. Adderall can dry your mouth out and numb your tastebuds. So “wet” food (basically anything that isn’t an un-sauced sandwich) will help the dry mouth, and spicy food will get your saliva going, which will also help you choke the food down.
Note: I’m not sure how to describe “wet” food, but you’ll know it when you think of it.
3. Treat yourself like crazy. Spend some money on food from your favorite place just to get yourself eating.
Don’t know if any of that helps, but good luck!
Instead of the 2 to 3 candy bars for breakfast, I make myself drink a smoothie. Its the brain booster one on Dr. Oz’s website. After the first dose kicks in…
for me, my desire to get healthy became bigger than that feeling of wanting to puke everytime I smelled food.
Your website is amazing. Students these days are so pressured to do well. We resort to these kinds of medications to achieve… what other people want us to achieve. But at the end of the day with our great projects finished and our term papers written, everything feels like rubbish. I ran into your site while I was studying for an exam. Made me think “wow this guy is so right!!” Thanks for your writing! Keep it going. You’re definitely helping a lot of people.
Hey thanks, Student. Glad you like the site.
And yeah, most school work does feel like rubbish, since most of us just bullshit exactly as much as necessary to make the grade.
At least in the real world (outside of school) you can create things that last beyond the semester.
Good luck on exams!
mike can you lay out a time table of your withdrawl and quitting. and what dose u took and how u quit? thanks.
@Ryan – Sure. Here you go!
Adderall Dose: 20-45mg/day for 7 years
Quitting Method: Cold turkey
Things to watch for as you read this:
1. A gradual ramp-up of increasingly difficult obligations.
2. A greater number of passion-driven projects entering my life
3. Changing roles at my day job in appropriate ways
1-30 days: complete mess, lots of oversleeping. Would probably have been fired if I hadn’t spent 6 years working like a superhero, and if my job wasn’t so flexible.
1-6 months: Desperation period. Escaping however possible from the responsibility of having to work and define a purpose. Limping along at job. Leaning way too heavily on girlfriend. Begin to dip my toe in the water of changing careers.
6 months: Dumped by girlfriend.
6.5 months: Start this blog, my first public writing project. Beginning of rebuilding period.
9 months: Enroll in night classes at super-easy private school to get field-specific courses on my resume.
12 months: Blog begins to take off, marking my first success at something I am passionate about.
1-2 years: Officially demote myself at work (from lead developer to customer support). Gradually increase my school course load up to 2 physical classes and 1 online class. Writing several blog articles per month. And exercising like an obsessed person.
2 years: Realizing that the private school is a tragically expensive joke, I complete the mountain of bureaucracy to reenter [State University] (I dropped out many years previous to pursue software millions). Start with 1 class.
3 years: Redesign QuitingAdderall.com. Launch second website. Ready for more classes at [State University], but difficulties with financial aid/scholarships keep me limited to one class.
3.5 years: Resolve all financial aid difficulties by jumping through a million hoops, filling out dozens of forms, and taking days off from work to run all over campus. Ramp up to 2 physical classes per week.
4 years: Ramp up to 3 classes for Fall 2011 semester. Transition at work from Customer Service to high-level Sales while adding more development work back to my plate as my (selective) interpersonal skills become noticed and my attention span becomes finally able to handle some regular coding again. Second website begins to take off, marking my second mini-success at something I am passionate about.
In summary: When I first quit Adderall I was a worthless, depressed, desperate slug. Now, four years later, I am pulling most of my weight at work, continuing my education in a direction that better suits me, managing two top-ranked websites that I created from scratch, and still finding time to run and bike. I should also add that since going back to school I have maintained a 4.0 GPA at both the private school and [State University].
I can’t really give you a timeline for how long it takes “to get back to normal,” if that’s what you’re asking. That depends on several factors, including:
*How bad off you were before you started Adderall.
*How quickly you change your life to suit the sober you
*How much effort you put into growth. I should note here that many people wouldn’t take nearly as long to accomplish the above. Although driven in my own way, I am extremely lazy, and not very good at “rolling up my sleeves and getting it done”. I’m getting better, slowly.
I still have difficulty focusing on something unpleasant for a long period of time. My attention span still isn’t GREAT, but it’s much better than it was when I first quit, and I’ve been able to find ways to work around it (and kick-start it when I have to).
Hope that helped! Quitting Adderall is so miserable in the beginning, but it really does get better if you keep working at it. But it happens so gradually that you barely notice it until you stop and look back.
I am 2.5 days off appx 300 ish mgs of adderall….I feel like shit! Dont wanna move!!! I hate it. Been here before about 5 years ago,got 4 years clean and then retarded out and got back on it! This sucks!
WOW! I just saw that the guy who started this site was comin off 45 mgs….DAMN! I start a day with 3-30′s,then take about 6-7 more thru the day.I have a high tolerance and many doctors.Why do I feel even worse now!
This website is awesome. The person before me posted she took 3 30mgs in the morning. I guess a lot of us have been there. I am quitting this crap and it is so good to read all the stuff from this website. Very inspirational. Mike knows where we’re comming from and it’s good to read his articles in order to anticipate what is next, without it being too scary.
thanks for that.
I stumbled upon this website just like I stumbled upon those little magical orange pills. I started taking Ritalin a couple of months ago. Classic story: was curious about it and a friend gave me a handful of pills to see if it would help me focus. I was instantly hooked. However, I was coming down after a few hours and Ritalin made me really edgy. A few days later a different friend gave me a 15mg XR. The next day I put in an order for 15. Schoolwork became my bitch. It wasn’t even challenging for me anymore. I was getting the grades I needed and really started to feel like getting into med-school and fulfilling my dream was going to happen.
Without realizing it, I was pretty much instantly dependent. It wasn’t even me studying it was like the pills were obsessed with perfection and using me to grind out success. I didn’t even realize I was taking a highly addictive amphetamine salt cocktail.
This website helped me realize how crazy this drug can be. It really woke me up and made it clear that I had better stop and quit now before my life really snowballs out of control. This is day one. Thanks Mike.
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1KbURt/www.pickchur.com/pics/focus.html/
This link can be what its like to be on adderall. You focus too hard on one thing and forget important things around you.
I have been prescribed adderall for 12 years. I quit last month. I can’t believe I waited this long. I am still healing but it is worth it in every way.
Thanks for the website! I probably would be too scared to quit if I didn’t read the articles. Doctors do not even know what we are experiencing (at least mine didn’t) and it is good to hear from people who do.
This site is great, I feel so much better knowing that I am not all alone in this, and there are alot of other people who are going through similar scenarios with adderall.
@Gretta – Thanks! Glad you like the site. Good luck quitting!
@PreMedStudent – You can already cross off the Day One Sucks milestone at least! Also, you should have too bad a struggle in front of you if you’re only a couple months in. Thankfully you realized the problem early and got out. Now just carry on like you were before you tried it, and don’t look back.
@Candice – Cool link! I’ve added that to my General Adderall FAQ, under What does Adderall feel like?
@Robin – There are a TON of other people going through this. As you can see, you are very much not alone. And that’s just the people who comment. You should see the traffic figures. :p
I am so desperate for help. I am not sure if anybody out there is in a similar situation. I am 24 years old, and have spent my lifetime on a stimulant every single day since i was 6 years old. I graduated college 3 years ago and have done nothing with my life except battle emotionally with self hatred, depression, and sleeping issues. I tried a few months ago to titrate down my dose 5 mg every 3 weeks….but i did not respond well. i had to go back on my meds after losing my boyfriend, and alomst being fired. i could use a freind to talk to. nobody understands me. i feel sad because i did not ask to be medicated and i was not given the chance to learn how to live off medication. please somebody help me if
anm0083@yahoo.com
@amber – Don’t fret! You’re not alone. I know it feels like a lonely struggle, but there’s lots of people who have been there (and are currently there).
Now, what makes you so motivated to quit the pills? You mentioned that tapering down to 5mg wrought havoc on your relationship and job, but did it do anything good for you? When you reduce your dose severely like that, you’re going to get two things: a glimpse of the challenges you’ll face quitting, and a glimpse of the benefits (if there are any).
You couldn’t focus and you almost lost your boyfriend, but did your sense of humor come back at all? Did you notice any positive changes? Did you feel more like “you?” I ask because if after 3 weeks you don’t notice ANY hint of positive changes, and you have no sense that such changes will come, there might not be a good enough reason for you to quit.
The almost being fired/losing your relationship is actually pretty normal after quitting Adderall (as horrible as that is). The big question is: Given that you’re going to have to weather through severe losses like that, will it be worth it? The answer is not “yes” for everybody (although it was for me).
Hey Mike-
I see this web site was heavily spammed over the last few days, and it didn’t take you long to clean it all up. Thanks for doing that. It is no fun wading through deep spam for any of us around here. What you do for this group of us is amazing. I especially appreciate the non-commercial nature of this site, with no advertising or spam. I would like to make a contribution with money to help keep it going. Is there an address where we could send a monetary donation to keep this site going. I would be more comfortable just sending you some money in the mail. Thanks for all you do to keep upthis website!
@Quit Once – Thanks! Yeah I think the anti-spam services are starting to lose ground to the spammers. WordPress, the forums, my other sites…everything is getting spammed at unusual levels this week. I’m looking into some upgrades for our forums to keep it at bay. Sorry for the clutter. If you’d like to be a moderator on the forums, please let me know and tell me what your forum username is, and I’ll upgrade you so you can kill spam and ban people. That way instead of wading through the clutter, you can hack through it with your moderator-powers like clearing brush with a machete. That would also be a HUGE help as I can’t be on it at all times. :-p
As for money – Thanks so much for being up for contributing! I think this site will always be ad-free (despite the offers I’ve gotten from advertisers) because I’m kind of a purist. But that also means that I’m out of pocket for everything, so donations go a long way. Actually, can you try donating through the Donate page? I’m kind of technically curious to make sure it is working, since I just revamped it last week and can’t easily test it myself. Even if you just donate like $1 that helps me at least know that the new page is working.
Thanks again!
Mike, Thank you. This website is amazing, and you are awesome for having created it! I am 28 and [still] in the process of clawing my way back to the real me after years and years on addy. I am inspired now more than ever!
Thanks again,
-Becca
Mike, I have to thank you for using your valuable knowledge to reach people who, like myself are desperately searching for a way out. You have put Adderall in it’s place and knocked it down from the pedestal that so many users have placed it on. When I found your website Adderall to me was like oxygen, and now after reading inspiring articles and posts it is no longer the crutch that it once was. I can’t tell you how freeing that is to no longer be a slave to a little orange pill. But you of course already know first hand. Thank you, thank you, a million times thank you!!!!
You’re welcome, Elizabeth! Thanks so much for your comment. I remember what it was like to view Adderall like oxygen, more valuable than money (because I thought it made all other things possible). One of the most interesting aspects of quitting Adderall for me has been discovering the new things that have become like oxygen to me in the place of Adderall. I’m sure you’ll know what I’m talking about soon. Anyhow, congrats again on quitting!
Hi mike, You mentioned in an earlier post that your “attention span still isn’t GREAT, but it’s much better than it was when [you] first quit”. Are you saying that after 4 years of being off Adderall your attention span is still a little worse than before for you had taken Adderall, or are you saying that in overcoming your ADD you still have issues with your attention span?
@Michael – Kind of the latter (in overcoming ADD I still have issues with attention span). I was on Adderall for seven years and it’s been 4 years since I quit. So it’s been 11 years since the “before Adderall” time. I don’t remember super well exactly what it felt like to do a homework assignment or whatever back then.
I think my attention span today is either the same or slightly better, based on a few standards. For example: I was a B student back then, I’m an A student now. I rarely did homework back then, I always do homework now. I would get up from my desk several times an hour back then, only once every couple of hours now. I had no side creative projects back then, and have two very consuming creative projects now (this website was the first of two).
I’m sure some of this is just growing up, but I’ve also done a lot towards figuring out how to work in ways that work for me…if that make sense.
Don’t know if that helped at all. In general, if you were to pit me against my pre-Adderall self in a battle of attention span, I’m pretty sure I would win. But not any huge measure.
Also, my work ethic/attention span is still very much a work in progress. I know 4 years seems like a long time, but I have completely upended and revamped my life in that time. I have many times the responsibilities today than I even had on Adderall.
So if you hear me say something in the vein of “my attention span still isn’t quite where I’d like it to be even after 4 years” keep in mind that I work probably twice the hours now, so my daily attention span is divided across more time.